Oh, Lovely Agoraphobia!
Posted by: HSP Woman on: June 7, 2009
I am anxious and scared. And mad. At myself.
Tomorrow, my husband has plans to attend a conference. It’s very important to him, and I know that. The problem is that I am terrified. I’ve hit a rough patch over the past couple of months, and I don’t trust myself alone all week. I feel like hiding in a closet. Of what am I so afraid?
Of course, he usually goes to work, but this time it’s different; he’ll be (more) out of reach, most likely totally engrossed in the keynote speaker’s address. Translation: I will be on my own to fend off the panic attacks.
Over the past 15 years, he’s been there for me. He’s learned how to relate to my panicky episodes, my lack of self-trust, my fear of abandonment, my issues with my social phobia, my fantastic imagination, etc. He’s been there.
Lately, however, I see it changing. His voice is, overall, getting louder. He’s sympathy is dwindling. Tonight, he told me my agoraphobia has made him a prisoner, too, just as it has made me.
I gasped. My breathing stopped. He had said the magic words I’d been dreading to hear.
I had never heard him so mean and unsympathetic. He speaks as though he’s never heard of panic disorder before. He says things like “That’s illogical.” And, “Yeah, and maybe some robbers will break into the house and murder you while a meteor hits.” You know, things that a mad person yells. He shouts that I should also worry that a plane may hit the house, just in case I hadn’t thought of it yet.
So, I am in new territory. I hate being dependent upon him to eat, to have a job, to accompany me to the doctor and the shopping mall. I hate myself for being so screwed up with these thoughts and phobias and horrific images.
I want him to travel even if I can’t join him. I want him to go to this conference even though I will be here frozen in fear.
I can’t join him when I am down like I am now. I just can’t.
But, can’t he be more sympathetic? Less loud and mean when he speaks to me? I gather he’s just up to his neck in frustration with my “problems.” My never-ending fricking problems. Yeah, I get it. I just don’t think I would be as cold if my partner had what I had and I was as functioning as he.
Maybe I should let him be free. I should let him find another partner who can do all the things I can’t do. Maybe he’s already made the same decision. It really feels like he wants out.
I hope I can make it tomorrow and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday without losing it.
Any of you who suffers with panic disorder and agoraphobia knows how I feel. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse.
I am just in a worse part now.
I must remember it passes. It always does.
If you are reading this during the week of June 8, 2009, please send me a little strength, if you have some to spare.
Alopecia Areata: It’s still here, but that’s okay!
Posted by: HSP Woman on: June 5, 2009
Hello, again!
I have been trying to decide whether or not to delete my blog. On one hand, a neglected blog is anything but pretty. Yet, at the same time, I still get some amazing comments now and then which encourage me to keep it alive. So, for now, it will remain intact.
As would be expected, many, many things have changed since I started this blog two years ago. These are changes I would really like to put out there and share with you. Feedback is so helpful. And, the encouragement… One can’t find much better encouragement than in the blogosphere (well, at least in the circles I run in ; – )
So, here I am inspired to share my latest change: I’m bald.
Yes, you read it right! I am completely bald now, and, you know what? It’s not so bad!
First let me post some photos showing the progression of my alopecia areata.
My Alopecia Pattern: June 2007
My Alopecia Pattern: December 2007
My Alopecia Pattern: December 2008
As you can see, my balding pattern was slowly progressing into a “snake-like” pattern with two large bald areas over each ear and one large bald area in the back.
Here are some photos a reader named Pearl sent me a while ago. She also has ophiasis pattern alopecia. Thank you, Pearl, for sharing your photos with us!
Pearl's Ophiasis Pattern
Another View of Pearl's Ophiasis Pattern Alopecia
I got fed up with trying to “hide” my bald spots. I became a master of head movement, able to change head position with just the slightest breeze. God forbid if the wind exposed my bald spots!
I bought hats – lots of hats. Swimming was the tough one though. Or yoga. Or hiking. Any activity that made me sweat made trying to cover my bald spots even more of a hellacious task.
Then, I found a support group called Alopecia World. What an eye opener! I was thrilled to come across a support group on Alopecia World called “Sisterhood of the Women Who Shaved Their Heads.” What an awesome group of women!
They talked about finally getting sick and tired of hiding their baldness. They talked of the freedom and the empowerment they felt once they gained the strength to just shave off the remaining bits of hair.
They talked of sexiness. Ooh! How sexy and feminine one really feels after taking the plunge and shaving.
I was more than inspired. I was ready to take the razor to my head and tell the world, “Hey look! I am bald and I am beautiful!”
On February 2, 2009, I shaved the last remaining bits of hair off my head.
I was crying with joy. I was free. I felt like a sexual goddess. Really, I am not kidding!
My husband told me he would have encouraged me sooner to shave had he known how empowered I would feel.
He has been so kind, so supportive. I am grateful for him every day.
Of course, I also was fitted for a cute little wig, too. It’s really pretty, but super itchy and uncomfortable. I will wear it from time to time. Sometimes I wear bandana-type things, too. Or a hat. I like hats, too.
But, NOTHING feels better than being totally natural. I can move in the wind without worrying; I can hike without apprehension; I can swim without self-consciousness.
I am free.
It’s ironic that someone with Social Phobia, Panic Disorder, and Agoraphobia would be so willing to “stand out” in a crowd, isn’t it? This, I cannot explain. But, I feel like me again. I’ve suffered since I was 12 years old with alopecia. It took me until I was 41 to take charge of it.
Better late than never! Just to be clear, there are moments (of course) where I feel shocked and pitiful. I wish I could have a full head of hair, but I don’t. If it grows back completely, I will be thrilled! But, alas, I am not convinced this time it will. And, that’s okay. It’s even okay if I choose to only wear wigs some day. Maybe I will. But, for now, I love the option of being bald, being free. Or even wearing a wig like a hat. I don’t try to hide the fact I’m bald. My wig is just another hat.
My alopecia has gotten worse, but I am a 1,000 times more positive about it.
If you have alopecia, please don’t despair. There is some amazing power in being bald. I wish I could bottle the feeling. I’d be a millionaire!
Asking for Advice for Ashla
Posted by: HSP Woman on: January 2, 2009
I received a comment today, and I am not sure how to best answer it.
I was hoping community members may be able to better give advice than I.
Here is Ashla’s comment:
i am new here and i am very nervous, i have big problems , i found out i was pregnant two mths ago or two and half , we didnt know if we would keep it, i got stressed , found valium, i was on valium low dose for about four or five weeks, stopped for two days, decided we want the baby i am 38 but now i want the baby, i had to get an hiv test and freaked out as i am an addict, embarrased to say, i havent used iv in yrs but havent had a test either, i am also on subutex which is a no no with benzos , i am also on probation, when i had to get my hiv test i freaked and bought benzos xanax and was taken one to two mgs for about two weeks now, i took my last today, and i am scared, i am afraid i will have a seizure or something, and the baby will die, if i tell the obgyn i am addicted , they may try to put me in rehab , then probation finds out, also the subutex dr will, i have been on low dose benzo for about two mths and a week now, i dont know what to do, i have been so freaked out reading on the internet for days and that is all i do worrying about this, i bought valerian root mellanonin today and gabba today to help me tomorrow, i am really scared and have noone to turn to sorry for being so long winded ashla
It’s in cases like this I wish I were a doctor or a psychologist.
We are on your side, Ashla.
Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated by Ashla, I’m sure.
Fear of Flying to Food Shopping: Three Months of Photos
Posted by: HSP Woman on: November 24, 2008
It’s been a while. I’ve missed you.
I need to connect. I must force myself to reach out. If I don’t, before I know it, I’m in another depression.
I thought I’d jump right into the middle of my recent life. I have been working on that, you know, starting things in the middle. Preparing, researching, studying, gathering — it’s my well-worn safety net. In my world, it’s hard to start something without a plan. A perfect plan at that. It’s hard to trust myself enough (and others) when only 80% prepared. But, I’m working on it.
So, now, I write without a plan. (Well, honestly, I write with only an 80% plan.)
Why do I need to write? Why today?
Because, I’m terrified. And, I think it will help to expose the thinking that’s holding me down and to spotlight the progress I have made since my last post.
Again, why am I terrified? Because, tomorrow, I am scheduled to fly to my parents’ hometown for the holiday. No joke. Me. Miss Agoraphobia. Yeah. Me.
Wait, my bravery gets even better, especially for those readers who know me from ages past.
While I’ve been away from this blog, I have been working overtime trying to conquer my agoraphobia, fear, panic attacks, excessive worry, and depression.
In case you’ve just stopped here for the first time (welcome!), here is where I was about 10 months ago.
However, in the past few months:
• I have gone to the large, popular, busy grocery store alone maybe 10 times. I have tried going both during peak and non-peak hours. I survived it — with groceries — each time.
My shopping cart. I actually bought more than one item! This is food for my family that I bought all by myself. Wasn't easy, but I did it.
• I have gone to a book reading in a completely unknown part of the city. I enjoyed it in spite of almost canceling at the last minute due to panic.
A book reading in a trendy part of San Francisco. I even asked the author a question!
• I took a train through the redwoods. I had been avoiding this 1.5 hour train ride since the day we moved here about four years ago. I panicked as soon as I boarded, but 10 minutes later, I was feeling more at ease.
I was in the back, under the covered part. I think it is "safer" to be there, covered, in case I panic. I like the back of groups, any groups. Superstitious, I know.
• THE BIGGIE: I signed up — and showed up! — for a Fear of Flying Clinic at our local international airport. I wish I had a penny for each time I convinced myself I couldn’t hack it, that I shouldn’t go. I went. I panicked. I laughed. I GRADUATED!!
Me, the night before Fear of Flying course began. My husband and I went to airport to get some exposure to what I have really feared most -- flying by plane and all things airport related.
During the Fear of Flying Clinic (which was a four-day seminar over two weekends) I practiced so many things that I usually avoid, such as:
• Taking the hotel-airport shuttle bus. Three times!
Staying in a hotel was already a huge challenge! But, I pushed myself to get on the hotel shuttle bus to the airport. Stepping on that bus was nearly unbearable, but I did it. I also did it another two times!
• Walking through nearly every inch of the airport terminal. Mingling with people standing in line at the ticket counters. Taking airport elevators. The anxiety peaked and subsided. Peaked and subsided. Finally, it just melted away to a really manageable level.
We walked from one end of the terminal to the next. I went to one tunnel of the terminal where just last May, I could not walk through. Period. This time I skipped through. I panicked, but I did it anyway.
• Going to the United Air Lines Maintenance Base with the Fear of Flying Clinic.
I was so nervous and sick before. This was on the second day of the clinic. The first night, I literally slept only one hour. The second night was a bit better, but not much. So, being tired and going to a place that is normally off-limits to the public lowered my panic threshold a bit.
We arrived, showed personal identification, had to wear badges and stay together, or else! Then, before getting going, by big butt tripped an alarm! The security team was shouting and everyone looked at me at the same time. I had a major surge in panic (and even thought, “Okay, this is it. I’m going to jail.” Of course, nothing happened).
The panic was pretty intense for the first hour of the tour. But (now hear this all my fellow panic sufferers!) I still used my voice to speak to the group. I did not retreat. I let the anxiety come along with me. I more than survived. It was so empowering!
We also got to board a stationary plane. My panic hit me full force as I climbed the stairs to enter the plane. Nevertheless, I did not retreat. The class got to look around, go into the cockpit, and do a progressive muscle relaxation exercise while on board. This opportunity to get on a real plane (in these times, too!) made this class perfect for someone like me — someone who needs to get lots and lots of practice in vivo to ultimately feel less panic.
We got to talk with maintenance engineers, pilots, flight attendants, graduates of the clinic, and more. I had many panic attacks, but I learned so much. It was worth every second of panic. I'm serious.
• I took a graduation flight to Palm Springs, CA (about 1.25 hour flight from San Francisco). I FLEW!
Here’s the plane I was on just moments after taking this photo.
This is the back end of the plane the class flew on for the graduation flight!
The flight was delayed while we were already boarding because they were waiting for someone whose connecting flight was late. And, it was packed; every seat occupied.
To top off the experience, the rainy weather had slowed down take offs. Our plane was 12th in line for take off. Oh. My. Gosh. Everything that I feared came true. But, I made it. I survived. I even had moments of relative calm in between my 5-6 panic attacks.
The return flight was even better. Not totally panic free, but still better.
Really, everyone who fears flying, it’s doable. Not easy, but it’s doable. I promise. If I survived, you will, too.
• I looked out the window on the return flight to see this gorgeous view welcoming and congratulating us.
The gift for the class as we returned to San Francisco.
Then, guess what I did two weeks after our Fear of Flying Clinic graduation flight?
I booked another practice trip to Orange County airport (about one hour flight each way). Can you believe it?!
What else have I done despite having panic attacks?
- I’ve joined a health club with a pool!
- I’ve been shopping at the area’s largest, busiest mall.
- I’ve gone to the mall alone.
- I’ve taken my cat to the vet.
- I’ve eaten in 5-6 new restaurants.
- I’ve hosted a dinner party for 6.
- I’ve reached out to old friends on Facebook.
- I’ve gone to the doctor’s office, alone.
- I’ve gone to the hair salon, alone.
- I’ve driven to my husband’s office that’s about 40 minutes away, along a very curvy road.
I am so proud of myself, really, I am.
And yet, here’s where fear is creeping back in.
Lately, because of the ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) workbook I’m reading, I have had the personal power to do what I care deeply about (like travel, see far-away family, feed my family, connect with people in my community) and not try to manage or control my panic attacks. Control doesn’t work.
I’ve realized that my old coping strategies aren’t very helpful because I still have panic attacks.
So, I have had the courage to go forward and stop avoiding doing things until I feel better. Really, the only way to feel better is to do things we value, things we love.
What has avoiding panic really done for us? NOT MUCH. We still panic at home as our worlds get smaller and smaller.
Do I want to be remembered as “She really worked hard fighting panic.”?
Or, do I want to be known as “HSP Woman lived a full life. She had lots of panic attacks but she still did all the things she loves: swimming, laughing, connecting with people, learning, sharing, traveling. She was much more than her anxiety.”?
Seriously, do we want to be defined by our anxiety disorders?
I really, really don’t. But this is the difficult part. My “willingness to feel whatever I feel, think, imagine and still continue doing what’s of value to me” is pretty difficult to sustain.
In order to do all the wonderful things I have done in the past three months, I have had to be willing to allow my panic to come if it pleases. Who says a life without struggle is more valuable? I’m not sure that struggle and pain aren’t just as valuable as joy and pleasure.
Why then am I now struggling against allowing ALL my feelings, thoughts, body sensations, memories just be what they are: words, thought, images, sensations. These events aren’t me; they’re just part of me.
I guess this flight tomorrow is allowing doubt and mistrust to enter my heart again.
I need to turn on my willingness switch like it had been while I did all those challenging things.
Before the graduation flight, I was a nervous wreck the week prior. I had all my self-help books sprawled out on top of the table. I downloaded three “relax and breathe” CDs from iTunes. I meditated every waking second. I cried. I tried to back out. I got physically ill. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t sleep well.
The second flight was a little less intense in the days before.
But, at the airport gate waiting to come back home, I felt different. I was more afraid of myself. The graduation flight included most of the class, in addition to a licensed psychologist and many successful graduates on board with us. Maybe I felt safer in that the therapist could explain to all the passengers I am really not psychotic as I run naked up and down the aisle screaming!
And, on that last return flight, I really panicked while getting on the plane, worse than the other three flights.
Then, as I sat down, I had a real moment of total acceptance. Total acceptance of whatever thoughts, images, body sensations came my way. And, it was during this moment of total acceptance that I had about 5 minutes of complete calm.
It was wondrous. Peaceful. Safe.
Of course, my old thinking crept in and took my tranquility and willingness. But I did have it for a short time.
It’s funny. After both these round-trip practice flights, I fell into a depression upon returning. It passed a couple of days ago, but now I am depressed that I am still anxious to fly even after my course, my preparation, my therapy sessions.
Part of me believes I should be over this fear by now. Enough already!
Part of me is panicked because I haven’t been furiously studying my coping skills and acceptance workbook.
Part of me wants to take the road of least resistance, to stay home and avoid everything!
I guess what I really am afraid of is that I am not 100% prepared. Yet, it’s impossible to be 100% prepared. No wonder I have panic attacks if that is the underlying belief I have about myself.
Okay. Let me say it.
Eighty percent is enough.
Eighty percent is enough.
Eighty percent is enough.
I don’t want to stress myself out even more by speed reading five self-help books tonight. I think I need to focus on self-care — a healthy dinner, some funny TV, a nice epsom salt bath…
Tomorrow, I can try to pack lightly, not worrying about everything under the sun I may need. There are stores where I’m going.
And, I will breathe. Like now, I am breathing deeply and evenly. Nice.
I’m ready for this flight. More significantly, I am willing to experience whatever I experience while waiting to board and while flying.
I want to fly to Nevada to see my parents. I want to spend Thanksgiving with them after so many years of not being able to. I want to spend my 14th wedding anniversary having fun with my husband. I want to see people of the world again.
These are things I value. Panic is not dangerous, just really uncomfortable. Accept it with compassion. It will pass, it always does.
Do I want panic to keep me stuck in the house forever? No. Do you?
I am committed to living a value-driven life whether or not panic wants to come along.
This is the bottom line.
Keep me in your thoughts tomorrow, please.
Panicking? Listen to this.
Posted by: HSP Woman on: September 18, 2008
Wow! Two posts in one day. It’s a record.
Speaking of records, you must check this out.
It’s a song written especially for when you’re feeling anxious or panicky.
I love it! Really clever. Catchy, too.
What do you think?
New Online Anxiety Research Project
Posted by: HSP Woman on: September 18, 2008
It’s been a long time, and I have many things to share.
This opportunity just seems too good to not talk about right now.
Some people may remember that a while back I stumbled across a new approach to help with anxiety and panic called ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. From the little I’ve learned about it, I’m thrilled.
I believe it could help all of us with stress, from mild anxiety to housebound agoraphobia.
The big news is that Drs. John Forsyth and Georg Eifert — the Ph.Ds who wrote the book The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety — are conducting an online research study.
Here’s its description from their web site:
This is an invitation to participate in an exciting new research project that we are launching world wide over the internet. The purpose of this study is to examine the effectiveness of a new self-help workbook for people who are suffering from anxiety and see their anxiety as a significant problem in their lives. The workbook, The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety, is based on a revolutionary new approach to psychological health and wellness called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT, said as one word).
There are some requirements to be eligible, like you need to 18 or older, have access to the internet, etc.
I signed up. I don’t even know if I will be chosen to participate, but I really hope so!
I urge all my panic-challenged friends to go check out their web site.
And, you can check out the workbook here.
I am not in any way affiliated with this project; I just hope to participate!
I really need to have some structure when I deal with my anxiety. I have a hard time sitting down and studying by myself. I think it’s best when we can actively discuss what we’re learning.
Anxiety is our challenge, but we are not alone.
I hope you all are feeling better these days.
A Change in Blog Direction
Posted by: HSP Woman on: February 11, 2008
I have missed sharing and recording my experiences here.
I have missed the accountability and the clarity that comes with clicking “Publish.”
Mostly, I have missed the connection and dialogue with my dear blogging friends.
But, I haven’t gone away, really.
I am still here many times a day, poking about, responding to visitors, leaving comments, reading through my blogroll…
I love it here. Deleting this space isn’t an option for me!
The problem I have been trying to reconcile is one of where is this blog heading?
My original goal was met; I have tapered completely off of benzodiazepines.
Now what?
Well, it seems that by taking time off for healing, I’ve strengthened another (two-headed) monster: my agoraphobia and concomitant depression.
Let me explain.
Last spring, I decided to really devote all my energy to getting off benzos. I expected the worst. Why? Well, I knew from my own numerous failed attempts to titrate off Klonopin and Xanax that the withdrawal was no picnic.
I hadn’t many obligations at the time, but the ones I had I terminated. I didn’t want anything to come between me and my healing process. I couldn’t do both and be successful.
So there I was, completely free to devote every minute of every day to my taper.
It worked. August 14th, 2007 was the last day I took a regular, daily dose of benzodiazepines. The next day was the first Wednesday in over 18 years I did not take benzos. What a momentous accomplishment!
Unfortunately, as I mentioned, there was a price for this freedom.
I lost practice going out into the world. I disconnected totally from life outside my home. Not that I was totally engaged in life before the final taper, but still…
Before the final push, I was volunteering at a local State Park a few times a week. If necessary, I could drive myself to the local shopping center. I could on occasion get groceries alone. With some effort I could see the doctor on my own. I had even signed up to teach ESL — something I absolutely love to do.
Not many activities (as I was just broken from all the medication), but I still had my safe places I could go without my husband.
March will be one year since I started the final taper.
Today, and for the last half a year, I really never leave the house alone except to drive to my weekly therapy session. This two-hour outing is a huge deal. Her office is about 5 miles and three stoplights away from where I sit right now. No freeways, but still…
Sometimes while traveling to my therapist’s office, I must pull off the road if I find a car behind me. Once, I panicked when I forgot my asthma inhaler and phoned my husband to bring it. I use it maybe 5 times a year! I only have very minor asthma, but, at that moment, I was convinced I needed it Just in Case. I’ve even been known to disrobe in her lobby in order to remove my bra which I swear is trying to choke me.
And, now when I have to go to the doctor’s, my husband not only drives, he accompanies me while meeting with the doctor. I wonder what the doctors think? Maybe that he’s super controlling? Mega-paranoid? I wonder what my doctor thought as I was getting my last Pap and my husband was there (apparently) watching the doctor’s every move?
Little do they know he’s with me because, without him, I’d panic even more. It’s certain I would never make my medical and dental appointments in the first place if I were to go alone.
Now, I’ve read about people having similar issues of agoraphobia while withdrawing from benzos.
With some fortunate people, titrating off benzos is exactly what they need to stop panic attacks in their tracks. It seems for many, many people, benzos cause panic attacks and agoraphobia to develop or worsen.
In my case, the entire quality of my life spiraled while taking benzos chronically.
But, while taking benzos, I still engaged in life. Not a lot, but some.
Today, I have gone out to places like a restaurant here and there or the grocery store, but always with my husband.
I do not trust my body, my mind, my behavior when I am alone in the world. And the depression and hopelessness that comes from being completely dependent upon other people for basic needs is overwhelming.
This is very difficult to explain. I sound like I am contradicting my entire original blog thesis.
However, with benzos — which I hate for what they did to me — I can have some limited degree of independence.
Yes, this is a contradiction.
Unfortunately, the immediate relief from panic that benzos gave me over time accumulated into something very, very ugly.
What I am trying to convey here is just as confusing as it sounds. Six months since stopping chronic benzos I am more housebound (and more depressed) than ever.
But, at the same time, I am much better off physically and emotionally. Yet, the level at which I have evened-out is still not enough for me.
I’m not functioning well. The quality of my life is still unacceptable, but if I start chronic benzos again, my life would still get worse. I must remind everyone that I had NO decrease in frequency of panic attacks while taking benzos. Still, with them, I was more independent.
Does this make sense?
I don’t doubt that getting off chronic benzos was the very best choice for me. I have an accurate baseline now for my moods and behavior. While being polydrugged for so many years, I had lost sight of myself. I didn’t know who HSP Woman truly was under all the medication.
So, back to the original question: where is this blog heading?
Well, I have been so inspired by the strength of such bloggers as Coffee Cup, Anxious Annie, Around ‘n Around, Robert, Lynn, and Annie the Agoraphobic. As I read their posts about dealing with panic and agoraphobia (or caring for loved ones with agoraphobia), I am convinced I can benefit from focusing on expressing my experiential avoidance behavior — in other words, my agoraphobia. That also implies talking about my depression more.
I wish the agoraphobia and depression had vanished the day I stopped benzos. They did not.
The panic attacks are a major drag, benzodiazepine withdrawal is the pits, but very few things in my life suck more than agoraphobia and depression.
Why don’t I trust my body, my mind, my behavior?
Is this the best quality of life I can hope for?
What am I so afraid of?
Alopecia Areata: Ophiasis Pattern
Posted by: HSP Woman on: December 17, 2007
- Losing hair in patches.
- Sudden bald spots.
- Wigs women alopecia.
- Round bald spots.
- My alopecia.
- Alopecia in my 30s.
- Bald spot pubic.
- Alopecia areata stress.
- Women get bald spots too.
- Bald women video.
- Silver dollar sized bald spots.
Because I see Search Terms like these every day, I thought I’d give an update on my alopecia areata. Although it’s not directly linked to benzodiazepine withdrawal or agoraphobia, it’s still a big part of my life.
The last time I posted about it was in June.
Then, I took this photo:
My alopecia areata: June 2007.
Today, six months later, it looks more like this:
My alopecia areata: December 2007.
My red birthmark (also known as a “stork bite” or “angel’s kiss” birthmark), normally doesn’t show when the back of my head is properly covered in hair. This is really a birthmark, and it has no connection to alopecia.
Most noticeably, the spot over my right ear has connected with the bald patch in the back. In turn, the spot in the back joined with a new spot over the left ear.
I was inspired recently to search for other people who have a similar pattern of alopecia. I thought I couldn’t be that unique. I still was really blown away when I found this information:
Ophiasis type of alopecia areata shows a band-like hair loss. It occurs mostly in the temporal [side] or the occipital [back] regions of the scalp, and therefore more difficult to treat, as most medicines have a delayed action on these areas.
Ophiasis type of alopecia is identified by a turban or snake-like pattern on the periphery of the scalp. Ophiasis in Greek means serpent, and this is how the disease gets its name.
Interesting, no?
I have alopecia areata: ophiasis type. I guess I am rare after all, as it is not very common among my fellow alopecians.
I felt less alone when I found a few photos of other people showing a very similar ophiasis pattern:
Ophiasis pattern alopecia (not me).
And, this one:
More ophiasis pattern alopecia (also not me).
This web site states:
Poor prognostic indicators for regrowth include duration greater than 5 years, prepubescent onset, alopecia totalis or universalis, and the ophiasis pattern. Some studies have shown the presence of nail pits to be an adverse prognostic factor.
Unfortunately, I do have a prepubescent onset (just barely) and the ophiasis pattern. Also, some of my nails also show small dents or “pits.”
But, I have not had the ophiasis pattern alopecia for more than five years. The back portion of my hair loss started first, about two years ago. Six months later, more or less, the right patch above my ear begin to advance. Finally, within the last 6-8 months the hair in the region above my left ear started falling out.
It’s only during these last 3-4 months that all three areas have joined in my beautiful and unique snake-like pattern. Actually, someone really had it right when he described the ophiasis pattern as “putting a bowl on your head and shaving the hair around it.”
The “pineapple” description was also pretty visual.
Ophiasis pattern alopecia: looks like a pineapple top!
I joke, but really I have found some great information and support here:
- Women’s Hairloss Project
- Bald Girls Do Lunch
- Team Alopecia
- Alopecia Areata Support Community
- Alopecia Support (Yahoo Group)
If you’re reading this post because you have small, round bald spots, please don’t panic that it will metamorphose into the ophiasis pattern. I read it’s really rare; usually people have one pattern or the other.
But, one good thing about the my alopecia is that it’s still undetectable in normal, everyday situations.
Alopecia is just so unpredictable. Some people lose a lot of hair, and in six months it all grows back.
I am kind of preparing mentally for having to wear scarves or wigs. I don’t dread this actually. Part of me really wouldn’t mind just being done with this s-l-o-w balding process.
At least it’s kind of reassuring to know my alopecia is following some known pattern. There is a method to the madness after all!
Scatological Silliness
Posted by: HSP Woman on: December 12, 2007
Looks harmless enough, doesn’t it?
It’s guar gum.
I bought it over a year ago when I went vegan. Not just vegan (meaning no meat, fish, poultry, dairy, eggs, honey), but I was trying a gluten-free diet, as well.
One of my absolutely favorite cookbooks (I still use it now) suggested guar gum as a thickening agent. Flash-forward to today when my non-vegan, wheat-eating self decides to organize the pantry.
First, I dumped the old sesame seeds down the garbage disposal followed by the (I assumed) expired guar gum.
Next, as I was rinsing the sink, the blades of the garbage disposal suddenly stopped dead in their tracks. Motor was running, blades not so much.
Water backed up in both sinks.
I switched off the power and resisted panicking. (But isn’t that the case for most panickers? We rarely panic when a real emergency happens!)
I gathered strength and put my hand into the black hole in the sink. Please note, my friends, I deal with gross things like vomit, fur balls, and poo daily (having 13 pets). But, putting my hand into an unknown, dark, and potential sharp place is another matter altogether.
Unfortunately, the water had turned the guar gum into a gelatinous catastrophe. A 1/2 cup of powder grew exponentially into about two gallons of goo!
For 30 minutes, I pulled out handful after handful of slimy, sticky, slippery, disgusting “gel.” Yet, even after removing the slime by hand and releasing the blades of the disposal, the water would not go down!
It was time to call the plumber, and luckily I had earned one-free visit.
Plumber arrived, removed the pipes from below the sink, wiggled this and that, and slowly it appeared.
Inching at a snail’s pace from the open end of the pipe was a perfectly formed, 12-inch guar gum turd.
Okay, so I’m a 39 year old woman, but I was instantly thrown back to elementary school. I stared in disbelief at what I had created, jaw on the floor, eyes open wide. The plumber was speechless, asking me repeatedly what is was exactly I put down the sink. In his decades of plumber-ing, he had never seen such a spectacle.
The guar gum poo broke into pieces as it tumbled into the waiting receptacle below. It was nearly impossible to hold onto them; they’d slip right out of your hand and bounce along the floor.
Finally, I lost it. And, well, so did the plumber. We laughed and giggled like the kids on South Park. I cried tears from laughing so hard.
Some things are so bad, they’re funny. Even people with agoraphobia and panic attacks can let go once in a while!
I do think what tipped me over the edge were the sesame seeds perfectly and uniformly suspended within the guar gum poo.
Nice touch, no?
Stuff in my pipes.
A little perspective.
Update: Four Months Benzo Free
Posted by: HSP Woman on: December 10, 2007
Wednesday will be my 17-Week Benzo-Free anniversary.
Well, that’s not exactly true…
About Week 14, I was feeling all worked up and stressed out over some remodeling issues going on at home. I allowed myself 1/2 of a 2.0 mg tablet of Valium. Mind you, this was after three previously stressful days when I picked up the Valium and brought it to my mouth only to put it down again, and again, and again.
On the fourth stressful day when finally I swallowed it, I felt a sigh of relief passing my lips. Some of the pressure started to magically leak out of my stress balloon. Talk about placebo effect! The pill was still in my esophagus and I was feeling — not better necessarily, but relieved is really the perfect word for it.
Yet part of me was pissed, shouting, “What the fuck are you doing?!”
I kept obsessing over the power I was giving these floor installers. It took years to get off these meds. Was I going to start taking Valium again because of them?
Then, I justified my behavior. One tablet, now and then, isn’t going to hurt…
The next day, I found myself in a very similar situation: stressed and frazzled. Things weren’t going well; the project was way over-budget, and I felt I was being talked down to by the contractors because I was female.
Guess what I did? I rationalized that “yesterday” was not even as anxiety-provoking as “today,” so “today” I most definitely need a bit of Valium. I still only took 1/2 a tablet. One milligram total. Not much after being on the equivalent of 120 mg of Valium.
The third day rolls around. The workers had gone. I was agitated at the lack of progress but I wanted to sleep. Tired as dirt, but the mind’s going and going — you know how it is.
This time I decided (since I wanted to sleep and all) that I’d take half of the 5.0 mg tablet instead. I carefully cut the pill and took it quietly. I was embarrassed to share my dosage increase with my husband even though I convinced myself I knew what I was doing. Screw anyone who didn’t know how stressed I was! Unfortunately, the damn thing didn’t even make me the slightest bit drowsy. Talk about adding insult to injury!
On the fourth day, I felt very disappointed in myself. Still, I was sure a Valium here and there wasn’t such a huge deal. I reassured myself that three months off of it was ample time to appreciate the benefits of a anxiolytic on a true as needed schedule.
Unfortunately, in the afternoon of the fourth day, my chest started to ache. Little vibrations radiated down my arm. I was breathing unevenly, and my peripheral vision became blurry. And, the number one telltale sign, I was losing my balance as the vertigo overwhelmed me.
I was experiencing full-blown withdrawal symptoms. Oh, no! And after only 4.5 mg of Valium over three days.
My body was behaving in ways I had forgotten during the previous drug-free three months. But, the memory of the interdose withdrawals came back with a vengeance. It felt terrible.
I only had to experience these withdrawal symptoms for a moment before I vowed never to take another benzo again. What a reality check. After living with these negative physical sensations for over 18 years, I never realized what life could be like without them.
In fact, I am glad I had the chance to feel again what I felt daily for over 18 years. Had I not tried benzos again, I never would have appreciated how much better it feels to be even “partially recovered.”
Also, I realized I could justify taking a tranquilizer every single day. For me, it’s easy. However, a benzo “now and then” just will not work. (Again, I’m speaking for myself.) Other people who are not negatively affected by benzodiazepines may be able to take a pill for three days without adverse effects. It’s a personal decision, really.
Things Are Looking Up!
So, except for three days, the last 17 weeks I’ve been living my life without benzodiazepines.
The Good:
- I sleep fewer hours and feel (relatively) more refreshed.
- When walking, I have less vertigo.
- I’m not gaining weight.
- My PMS/PMDD has improved.
- Short-term memory is better.
- When I leave the house, I don’t frantically double-check for a “just in case” benzo tablet.
- Each week, the lethargy diminishes.
- I’m starting to feel like connecting and reaching out again.
- Libido is up from zero to, well… it’s higher than zero at least!
- I’ve started talk therapy again after a three year hiatus.
- For the past four weeks, I’ve driven myself to therapy in the next town. Alone. There are THREE traffic lights between my house and her office.
- I’ve been to the local pet store all by myself. No panicking.
- I’ve gone to the grocery store a few times (not alone, but still : ).
I even ventured away from my husband to ask a store employee where the pickles were. - I’ve had enough energy this week to cook dinner again.
- I shower and dress at least every other day.
- I don’t have to sit on the shower floor to make it through all I have to do in there. I can stand up again.
- I’ve been able to schedule home improvements. For the past 6 or 7 weeks I’ve had up to 6 contractors at once in my space.
- I got the courage to get my blood drawn to check my thyroid functioning. Big phobia, medical things.
I’d been avoiding the blood draw for months. I wanted to be sure the extreme lethargy I felt during the first three months wasn’t due to my hypothyroidism. Turns out, my TSH level was well below 1.0! This means, if anything I should feel hyper. - Clothes, well bras specifically, don’t aggravate me as much. I still hate them, but I can tolerate wearing one now for hours at a time.
The So-So:
- At times, I obsess about not being able to fall asleep. I go through phases where I’ll take melatonin or Calms Forte before bed, but other days I need nothing.
- Migraines are still present. Fewer episodes lately, but still present.
- I’m still having really vivid dreams. Funny thing, now I dream I am “true to size.” While on benzos, I dreamed I was still the thinner version of me.
- No more dreams in which I’m forced to get on a plane, perform, teach, etc. and I can’t find my meds. (Those dreams sucked.)
- Still less energy than I hoped for by this time.
- My OCD traits tend to get worse at times (checking), but I’m getting better and better at working through the anxiety by delaying my re-checking by 15 minutes. See Jeffrey Schwartz’ “The Fifteen-Minute Rule.”
- I still have panic attacks and lots of anticipatory anxiety, but I had those anyway for the 18 years while taking benzos.
- I’m still avoiding getting into the world, but it’s really less avoidance than it was just a month ago.
- The alopecia areata (hair loss) is still happening at quite a fast rate. Some people stop losing hair once they stop benzos. Not me.
- My muscles are weak and shaky, but then again I’m not hiking regularly any more.
- When I do get depressed, I have to really resist not immediately saying, “See? I told you so. I do need medication!”
Part of me wants a magic pill to take away the anxiety and depression. But most of me wants to never see another psychiatrist again. Maybe, and I mean truly maybe, there are only two classes of meds I’d ever try (the two I’ve never tried): tricyclic antidepressants and MAO inhibitors. Anyone know something about these meds?
See this post to know I’m not joking. I’ve tried them all. Yes, the benzos are great at “instant arousal stopping,” just as Seroquel was great to fall asleep. It’s just that I sincerely believe the intended short-term effects of these meds don’t outweigh their painful, long-term side effects.
I guess (for the most part) I’ve given up the fantasy that medication X, Y, or Z is going to make my panic and depression a distant memory.
The healing process is not linear, but the trend is up. On this just over 4-month anniversary of being benzo-free, I can say without a doubt I am happier, healthier, and more positive. I still have panic attacks, but fewer. I get depressed, but it’s less and less “deep” with each passing day.
I am grateful I have the energy to be back sharing my story. I’ve missed you.
My Dental Phobia
Posted by: HSP Woman on: September 13, 2007
Being agoraphobic makes going to the dentist very difficult.
Unfortunately, I’ve had this sensitivity in my teeth for about three months now. I just dread going to the dentist and hearing terrible news like my roots are rotting and major dental surgery is the only option.
This morning, however, I gathered the courage to call and make a same-day appointment. But, first, let me give you a little history.
I have a dental phobia based on a couple of things: the primary problem being that I prefer to avoid places where escape might be difficult or embarrassing in the event of a panic attack.
Second, there is the side of me that has suffered from some traumatic events related to dentistry. Here, I will recall just one of them to make a point.
It was Halloween, 1998. I was in the hospital, in the O.R. specifically, minutes away from a major jaw surgery to correct a malocclusion. Since it was Halloween, there must have been some vampire teeth hanging around.
So there I am, lying unconscious on the operating table, my face painted with that yellowish antiseptic. On both sides of my exposed neck, hunching over me, were two nurses wearing fake vampire teeth. They were pretending to suck my blood.
How do I know this happened?
Two months later, I was at the surgeon’s office for a follow up. My three-inch thick file lay on the counter, bursting at the seams. Then, suddenly, a Polaroid falls to the floor.
I pick it up and nearly faint. It’s a photo of me — unconscious and exposed — with two vampire nurses, mouths open, just inches from biting my vulnerable neck.
All I could do was write a letter to the head nurse. She, in turn, apologized and said she’d offer her staff “sensitivity training.” Big deal, right?
I am still sick over what happened in that operating room.
Needless to say, I have good reason to be phobic of dentists. I read, too, that the mouth is a very sensitive, private area. It does feel violating to have someone forcing his/her way into the private space of one’s mouth.
Yesterday, I searched and searched the Internet for support.
I finally came across this wonderful, compassion, intelligent site called Dental Fear Central.
Wow! Are there some great ideas there!
For example, here are two ideas that halt gagging in its tracks:
Breathe Right snore relief spray. Here’s a quote about this product from the web site:
I had a patient a few months ago who came in with a broken tooth which needed crowning, I cringed at the thought of doing this crown because of his severe gag reflex. He told me not to worry because he had a cure for his gagging problem. Astonished as to the cure, I inquired. He told me he had been using the snore relief spray from Breathe Right. We did the crown prep with no gag problems at all. I was amazed, so we have been using this on all patients with a gag reflex and I would say it works nearly 100% of the time. The worst patient I knew of was this beautiful 11 year old girl who would throw up almost every time she had her teeth cleaned. She is now able to have x-rays, cleanings and such done without incidence.
And, how about regular table salt to stop the gag reflex?
One pretty bomb proof tip for handling gaggers is the use of table salt on the tip of the tongue… Get the patient to dip his/her moist finger into a dampen dish of salt and get them to dab it onto the tip of the tongue. Works 95% of the time.
I’ve had the fear of vomiting in public for years. Sometimes when I am really nervous I start to dry heave and gag. Carrying a bit of salt around could be a useful trick in more places than the dentist’s office!
This web site also expands upon a number of the specific fears people have when visiting the dentist, including:
- embarrassment
- loss of control
- pain
- needle phobia
- sights, sounds, smells
- panicking or crying
- the drill
- choking
- being awake
- extensive treatment
The site also suggests writing a letter to the dentist about one’s needs and concerns. This is exactly what I did:
Dear Dr. Myers,
I have extreme anxiety when in the dentist’s office. This is probably a result of the hundreds of hours I have spent in dentists’ chairs. I have had two orthognathic surgeries and full sets of braces twice.
Also, I have Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. I was diagnosed with this in 1989. I was taking medication for this, but I have recently stopped. I didn’t feel the benefits of the medication outweighed the number of side effects I was experiencing.
Concerns of Mine:
- I will panic while in your office, no doubt. So if you see me pale, shaking, sweating, etc, just realize it’s a panic attack and nothing more. Just ignore it.
- I may have to get up and walk around if the panic gets too unbearable. If this happens I will give you a hand signal (raise my pointer finger), or I will vocally tell you I need to take a small break.
- Stories and discussions that are dental or medical in nature tend to escalate my panic.
- The fewer people around while I am getting treatment the better. Maybe in the future I can schedule appointments at the very end of the day?
- My TMJ pain is still significant if my jaw is open too wide or too long. I need very frequent breaks.
- I’d rather not see the dental instruments or the x-ray films.
- I rather not be too reclined in the chair.
- I need frequent reassurance that you’re almost done or almost at a good stopping point.
- Definitely, no views of needles!
- I want to avoid gas or sedation at all costs. I’ve worked hard to taper of the medications and it’s not an option for me to take something to lessen the anxiety.
- Finally, if you can accommodate a nervous patient like myself, can I add your name and address to the DentalFearCentral.org web site? They collect names of compassionate dentists.
Thank you so much for your consideration.
I handed it to the receptionist as soon as I arrived this afternoon.
As soon as I was seated in the dentist chair, I added yet another need: No chain and bib around my neck! The assistant immediately obliged and unchained me. I just feel claustrophobic when there’s something around my neck. I had forgotten about this one!
Within minutes the dentist entered the room…
Dr. Myers sat down next to me and thanked me for the “Concerns and Needs” letter. I felt like he really had some compassion in him at this point.
He asks me if he can take a look inside my mouth.
He looks.
“No cavities!” he declares.
Don’t get me wrong. Part of me is ecstatic that I have no glaring problems. My confidence is mounting. Full-blown panic is nowhere to be seen…
“But, it really hurts while and after I eat cold things,” I said.
He tells me it’s probably my sinuses (for three months??). Uh, okay…
Then, Dr, Myers starts to say goodbye.
Wait! What about the x-rays? I wasn’t going home only to obsess about the x-rays I need anyway on my previously scheduled September 20th appointment.
The dentist is reluctant to do x-rays, saying he wants this visit to be a “positive visit.”
Okay, I have panic disorder, I am not 5 years old!
Now I am starting to get insistent.
“How do you know I don’t have any cavities if you don’t take x-rays?” I say, feeling like he must be joking with me.
Well, I got him there. He admitted I may have a cavity in between my teeth (duh!).
So, the next 20 minutes are taken up with a very, how do I say, a very “challenged” x-ray technician. She is rough and seems really inexperienced. She also insists that I must “relax my tongue.” My tongue is apparently too wide or something. What a strange thing to tell a patient.
After all the fussing about, the technician can’t find my x-rays on the computer. The dentist comes in and, together, they continue fussing about.
Meanwhile, I am just grateful it’s almost over!
Something interesting happens next. Dr. Myers sits down next to me and tells me my teeth will probably never decay. Great! I’m ready to go, and he keeps chatting about why I am phobic of the dentist.
Then I suddenly remember to ask him if he wants his name on the Dental Fear Central web site. Hey, it’s free advertising.
He says “No.” That’s it. No.
I’m taken back for a moment.
No?
“Why not?” I ask.
He then says, and I quote, “…because people like you are too much work.”
Now, I am speechless. As I recall this moment, I can still feel the effects of shock.
PEOPLE LIKE ME?
He continues, “People like you take too much time. Look how much I did with you today.”
HOW MUCH YOU DID WITH ME TODAY?
I quickly responded with “You looked into my mouth. That’s all you did. Literally.”
He replies, “Well, look how much TIME I spent on you.”
My jaw was on the floor. I was angry, shocked. He must have seen my rage.
“Don’t be offended. It’s just that I can’t charge for TIME, I only charge for fillings, root canal, procedures… Not for time. People like you take too much time.”
I insisted he charge me then. He refused.
I told him I was indeed very, very offended. I hadn’t asked for a minute of his time more than reading the letter I brought into his office.
PEOPLE LIKE ME…
I got up, gathered my purse, and left. Left for good.
Yeah, like now I would feel really comfortable actually requesting a break if I were panicking! Talk about added pressure!
I was proud of myself for vocalizing my disgust with him, but at the same time, I should have really given it to him.
Six hours later, it’d be really easy for me to keep crying the way I did as soon as I left the building. But, no way! Dr. Myers, DDS made a fatal mistake — trying to fake compassion.
Not only has he lost my regular, every 6 months’ appointments, but he also lost my husband’s business.
Shame on you, Dr. Myers.
Challenging Agoraphobia
Posted by: HSP Woman on: August 27, 2007
About ten days ago, I made a commitment to my husband.
Every time he leaves the house to pick up milk, buy dinner, or do some random errand, I must join him. I don’t have to get dressed, brush my hair, or even put shoes on. I just have to get in the car.
I don’t even have to go into the store. I can stay in the car and people watch. There’s zero pressure to do anything that feels uncomfortable. Like my husband reminds me, the goal isn’t to conquer the biggest, most crowded store, but to just get used to getting outside the house again. You know, baby steps…
And, considering that for the last 6 months while tapering off of Valium I’ve rarely left the house, this commitment is a huge deal. Yet, because I am now off benzos and feeling stronger and healthier, I decided it was time challenge my agoraphobia. Hence, the commitment.
Twice we’ve driven to the grocery store. We went to pick up meals a few times, too. Each time I stayed in the car, but that’s okay! I got to connect in a small but meaningful way with the world again. I saw people walking, driving, laughing… I felt the breeze against my face and the warmth of the sun. I saw the traffic lights change from yellow to red to green. It’s funny the things one misses when stuck at home.
Saturday, however, I did what I thought was the unthinkable!
First, we went to buy some pet supplies. I stayed in the car.
Second was the trip to Home Depot. I stayed in the car.
Third stop was the vet’s office. Guess what? I went inside! I did it! No major panic attack.
Next, time to stop for dinner. Guess what? I did not stay in the car. I actually went into the Chinese restaurant with my husband to order dinner to bring home.
We even walked over to the grocery store and picked up a few things.
I went into the grocery store!
I even went to the very back of the store (with husband close by), maneuvered through throngs of people, stood in the 10 items or less line, and walked out (relatively) calmly.
It seems like a easy thing for most people to do, but not so much for an agoraphobe. I did it! I am so proud of myself for trying.
A Time Out is Okay
Posted by: HSP Woman on: August 22, 2007
As I stay at home, healing, these words remind me it’s okay to take a “time out.”
The truth is that your value is your consciousness, your ability to perceive and experience.
The value of a human life is that it exists. You’re a complex miracle of creation. You are a person who is trying to live, and that makes you as worthwhile as every other person who is doing the very same thing.
Achievement has nothing to do with it. Whatever you do, whatever you contribute should come not from the need to prove your value, but from the natural flow of your aliveness. What you do should come from the drive to fully live rather than the fight to justify yourself.
Whether you’re a researcher unlocking the cure for cancer or a guy sweeping the street, you have known hope and fear, affection and loss, wanting and disappointment. You have looked out at the world and tried to make sense of it, you have coped with the unique set of problems you were born into, and you have endured pain.
Over the years you’ve tried strategies to help you feel better in the face of pain. Some of your strategies have worked, some haven’t. Some have worked short-term, but in the long run brought greater distress. It doesn’t matter. You are just trying to live.
And in spite of all that is hard in life, you are still trying.
This is your worth, your humanness.
Coping with Coming off Psychiatric Drugs
Posted by: HSP Woman on: August 17, 2007
Here’s a taste of an eye-opening article called Coping with Coming Off.
It’s about the experiences of people getting off of psychiatric medications. It highlights the lack of information and support for people wanting to stop taking medication.
The drugs mentioned in the report:
• SSRI antidepressants (Serotonin Specific Re-uptake Inhibitors). A similar drug, Effexor (venlafaxine) has been included in this group.
• Neuroleptics, also known as antipsychotics.
• Mood stabilizers.
• Minor tranquilizers, which includes benzodiazepines.
Why did the participants in this report want to stop taking psychotropic medication?
The most common reasons given for wanting to come off drugs were disliking the adverse effects of taking them (60%) and not wanting to be on them long-term (53%).
Other interesting points in article:
• Where doctors were involved, they were the least likely to be found helpful of any group of people. [Only] about half the people who sought or received help from a doctor found them helpful.
In contrast, around nine out of ten people who sought help or support from a counselor or psychotherapist found them helpful.
• Of the people interviewed, over half experienced difficulties in coming off their drugs.
The most common difficulties were anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and depression. Those coming off SSRIs were more likely to have difficulty coming off than people on mood stabilizers or neuroleptics.
• The biggest factor in influencing success in coming off was length of time on the drug. Four out of five people who had been on the drug less than six months succeeded, compared with under half who had been on it more than five years.
• When people who succeeded in coming off their medication were asked about the benefits, they most often said: better mental ability, feeling more alive, having taken back power and control, no longer experiencing the adverse effects, and feeling good about managing without the drugs.
“There is a desperate need for information for people who want to try coming off medication, and or informed support from mental health professionals and families and friends so that the process can be as safe and effective as possible. This report should be essential reading for anyone who takes or prescribes psychiatric drugs.”
David Crepaz-Keay,
Senior Policy Advisor, Mental Health Foundation
Click here to read Coping with Coming Off.
Benzo Free, at last!
Posted by: HSP Woman on: August 16, 2007
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