121 Goodbyes: Flushing the Xanax
Posted by: HSP Woman on: March 30, 2007
Yesterday, I flushed 121 “just-in-case-I-panic” Xanax pills. I’d been hoarding them for months. You know, popping a pill (mainly) as needed, but refilling the prescription anyway. I could not even entertain the idea of not having them readily available, even though I hadn’t taken one in over four months. The thought of flushing my Xanax… well, until yesterday I never even thought about it.
Initially, I felt triumphant.
Three hours later, I panicked.
You see, about a year ago, I managed to taper off of Klonopin. IT WAS HELL. I tapered by cutting the pill into 1/8th pieces, and waiting weeks at a particular dose before decreasing again. I had been 14 years on Klonopin, about 2.5 mg daily. That is about 13 years, 11.5 months too long.
At the time I stopped Klonopin I hadn’t read The Ashton Manual about tapering off benzos by doing a crossover first to Valium. It makes a lot of sense. Because Valium has a much longer half-life than other benzos like Klonopin and Xanax, it stays in your system longer preventing the “daily inter-dose withdrawal” many benzo takers know well.
I remember the floor and walls undulating. Have you ever been in a stopped boat on the ocean? The way the boat rises and falls with the swells… It was just like that.
I remember the electric pokes shooting down my body, unannounced and dramatic. People around me must have thought I had a tic.
And the vivid dreams. Violent and so real… Very quickly after decreasing the Klonopin my waking hours seemed to blend into my dream world.
After about six months I was off of Klonopin, which I now know was too fast. But, it was interesting that I had slowly added more and more Xanax during the taper. I had (wrongly) convinced myself I could substitute one for the other, you know, just during the “hard part.” I assured myself that once I got off of Klonopin, I could easily get off the Xanax.
I was dead wrong, and soon I was back up to my more-or-less 2.5 mg of daily Xanax.
Eventually, I flushed the remaining Klonopin. I had an attitude of accomplishment. I see now that it wasn’t genuine. In the back of my mind I knew I had a huge, hidden stash of Xanax. Throwing out the Klonopin was good, but I hadn’t really realized I was far from being truly done with benzos.
So, why did I decide to flush the Xanax?
Better question: why did I feel I still needed to keep the Xanax around, especially because I had finally made the successful crossover from Xanax to Valium?
Well, this is why. Last week, I had my first big panic attack in a long while. What did I do? Instead of using all my new coping skills, I reached down in my bag and pulled out a Xanax. I literally had to dust it off first. I was so angry at myself for taking the quick-fix way out. Plus, by taking the Xanax I delayed my very regulated Valium withdrawal schedule. To compensate for the sudden surge in drug on board, I felt I needed to take more Valium to counteract the Xanax withdrawal effects.
Then, two days ago I had another panic attack in a place I usually don’t have them anymore. What did I do?
Guess.
I took another lint-ridden Xanax tablet out of the depths of my bag and took it with little hesitation.
I realize now I will not reach the degree of wellness I desire if Xanax is still lurking around. It’s too tempting. Panic attacks are still too scary. I logically know that panic attacks are not dangerous, that they cannot kill me, make me crazy, or cause me to faint. I know, I know…
It’s my spirit that needs to trust. I’m working on it.
Also, I realize now that part of the withdrawal from benzos is unfortunately panic attacks. Take a look at the common symptoms of benzodiazepine withdrawal:
benzodiapepine withdrawal sympotms:
PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS:
Excitability (jumpiness, restlessness)
Insomnia, nightmares, other sleep disturbances
Increased anxiety, panic attacks
Agoraphobia, social phobia
Perceptual distortions
Depersonalization, derealization
Hallucinations, misperceptions
Depression
Obsessions
Paranoid thoughts
Rage, aggression, irritability
Poor memory and concentration
Intrusive memories
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS:
Headache
Pain/stiffness – (limbs, back, neck, teeth, jaw)
Tingling, numbness, altered sensation – (limbs, face, trunk)
Weakness (“jelly-legs”)
Fatigue, influenza-like symptoms
Muscle twitches, jerks, tics, “electric shocks”
Tremor
Dizziness, light-headedness, poor balance
Blurred/double vision, sore or dry eyes
Tinnitus
Hypersensitivity – (light, sound, touch, taste, smell)
Gastrointestinal symptoms -
(nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, pain, distension, difficulty swallowing)
Appetite/weight change
Dry mouth, metallic taste, unusual smell
Flushing/sweating/palpitations
Overbreathing
Urinary difficulties/menstrual difficulties
Skin rashes, itching
Wow! Doesn’t sound too pleasant, does it? In fact, it sounds like the criteria for diagnosing Panic Disorder!
Today, I must realize, if I panic and have such symptoms during withdrawal, it’s not because I am “getting worse” again. Panicking now does not support the hypothesis, “See? I really need the benzodiazepines.”
Having these two panic attacks this week is PERFECTLY NORMAL.
It’s not me, it’s the drug leaving my very sensitized body.
I panicked last night because I had forgotten this fact. Why tempt myself by having the Xanax around? Now I need to take good care of myself, to be compassionate. I need to rest, practice under-reacting, limit my stress levels for the next 6 months or more.
Experiencing these withdrawal symptoms sucks, plain and simple.
But, with each new symptom I have, it’s like a badge of honor. It means I am that much closer to being completely free of benzodiazepines.
That is a day I cannot wait to live…
30 Responses to "121 Goodbyes: Flushing the Xanax"
April 5, 2007 at 2:29 am
Dear HSP,
Thank you. Thank you. And THANK YOU!
You write beautifully, btw. I was looking for a “Klonopin Blog,” and your “labor of love” here is exactly the medicine I needed, and found, just when I was beginning to think none existed. Bless you for taking the time, energy and overcoming the anxiety necessary simply to create this site for the benefit, not only for yourself, but a much larger, altruistic populace: For the benefit, hope, health and wellbeing of EVERYONE in the world who is “hooked on benzos.” You are an angel for every soul who ever suffered generalized anxiety disorder (GAD – what I was diagnosed with), panic attack syndrome, whatever name we were given by the medical profession to diagnose our “attacks,” or (and quite probably worst of all) benzodiazepine withdrawal.
I have been taking doctor-prescribed Ativan, Xanax, Valium or Klonopin (generic – clonazepam) now for the past 9 years. Everything you write resonates with my own experiences. Obviously you have done your homework. And you know from whence you speak. I was nodding in complete agreement as I read every word you wrote.
Last October I thought that I could just “give up” my benzos, cold turkey. I’d lost my health insurance; I couldn’t afford to pay out-of-pocket every month for my Klonopin; and so …
I thought I could do it. I thought I could “flush the benzos” – like a man! And how terribly wrong I was.
After a relatively “normal” four days without my clonazepam, I suddenly and completely (one morning upon awakening, literally SCREAMING from having had a lucid nightmare, dripping with sweat and finding that I also soiled myself in my sleep); in short – I “flipped out” on “Day 5.” Unable to sleep, I began to “zone,” to hallucinate, to live inside an unceasing waking nightmare. In one particularly terrifying episode, I telephoned my sister, sobbing and barely able to breathe, let alone speak coherently – because I was convinced my older brother hated me and that he was going to kill me (an utter daylight hallucination). I lapsed into delusional paranoia and developed “the shakes;” my legs literally wouldn’t stop rocking wildly back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back-and-forth, unstoppably. I would will them to stop, only to find them shaking again 30 seconds later. I believe the medical establishment refers to this particular “event” as “Restless Legs Syndrome” (RLS). But I new what the real villain was behind all this sudden madness.
I couldn’t work. I couldn’t concentrate for 5 seconds straight. I felt surely that I was losing my mind.
I was so bad off I dared not drive a car, which was smart. But there were errands to run and groceries to buy. I had to delegate my entire life to friends, family and relatives. At least I had a “support system” to fall back upon.
By “Day 7″ I could no longer stand “Planet Insanity,” and so I phoned my doctor, begging, desperately pleading for a new scrip for Klonopin, JUST so I could be “normal” again. Within hours the prescription arrived by mail, and I downed 4 milligrams. Within 20 minutes I was able to lie down in bed, to rest; my legs had stopped shaking, and I slept a dreamless sleep for over 12 hours, the first real sleep I had experienced in 2.5 days. Upon waking, I felt like a “new man” again.
And the lesson I learned from that experience was – A. I am addicted to benzodiazepines; B. It is IMPOSSIBLE to stop taking them “cold;” and C. I would never do something so stupid like that (quitting CT, I mean), ever ever ever again.
Which is not to say I am happy about being a benzo “junkie.” I simply hadn’t realized JUST *H*O*W* DANGEROUS they are. Do I want to be hooked on Klonopin for the rest of my life? No way.
But you’re absolutely right, HSP. Tapering, or “crossing over” as you say, IS the hope for ultimate discontinuation. But I have to learn patience. I really, really, REALLY have to practice … practice … practice … practice – patience! Way so much easier said than achieved. I have zero idea at this moment what the “final outcome” will be. To be perfectly honest, I’m utterly terrified.
The IRONY, of course, as you so cogently explained, is that “our cure has become worse than our original culprit.” And tragic but true, our doctors were complicit in prescribing for us this “killing cure.” Yet I do not blame my doctor. He was only giving me what I had asked for – IMMEDIATE HELP! It’s just that many doctors, to be sure, STILL have little if NO idea what they might be doing to their patients, once they get them aboard “the one-way ticket benzo bus.”
Again, I commend you for your courage, competence and compassion in putting together this invaluable site where people like myself can KNOW, and within this knowledge be empowered by, the experiences of at least ONE other human being going through – nearly IDENTICALLY – the same hellish “dance” with benzodiazepines.
(They’re as addictive as heroin in my book, and I’ve never tried heroin – thank God.)
Thank you again, HSP. And I hope to read more of your excellent, and incisively articulate, true-life accounts of what millions of people like ourselves MUST be suffering, in one form or another, in the name of coping with panic disorders and their attendant physical and psychological horrors.
One day, by the grace of A Power Greater than myself, I hope and pray to be able to deal with panic on its own terms, without having to pop a pill, or two, or …
Bless you unceasingly and thank you again.
Loyally, a faithful new reader of yours,
–Larry
E-mail: Cynecure@Gmail.Com
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April 5, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Dear Larry,
All the thanks belongs to you. Your story is amazing, courageous, and thoughtful. Seven days of CT off of Klonopin? Been there, done that, too. But, here’s the irony — I did it as a medically-supervised detox. Absolutely criminal. People cannot be taken off of benzos cold turkey. No way, never, with or without a doctor “watching you.” As you wrote, “Immediate help,” immediate gratification, that is so true. That is what the pdocs (mostly) are about. If there’s one thing, however, about withdrawing off of benzos, it’s that it is a gradual, oh-so-slow process. I cringe to think what would have happened to me if I initially presented such symptoms to a doctor a century ago. Women like me were locked up without consent (well, of course the husband has to consent…). The key was thrown away. At least today we all have a chance to heal. I wish you the most pleasant healing experience possible. Remember the goal. Look for that dim light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. And, check out the Yahoo Benzo Withdrawal website, if you haven’t already. They have some amazingly supportive and intelligent posters over there. I highly recommend it.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/benzo
Again, thank you for making my life more meaningful with your kind words and incredible story. It’s a pleasure to share with you. We do understand each other well.
May 9, 2007 at 8:09 pm
I was taking a xanax every night to help get to sleep (quiet those racing thoughts). A small dose of .25 nightly. The past three nights I opted to skip it because it felt like it was becoming too much of a habit. Well the past two days I have been unbearably short tempered, crabby and mean with my children. I’m desolate about my actions as they remind me so much of my father. But then it occured to me that it was so unlike my normal relationship with them – could it be Xanax withdrawl. Is that possible on such a low dose? Would love to know your thoughts.
May 9, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Hi Lotta,
Nice to hear from you. I’m sorry your having a hard time.
But to answer your question, absolutely. Your anger, moody behavior is probable due to many factors (like in my case) which are then exacerbated by the Xanax withdrawal. Physical dependence, however, can occur in as little as 2 weeks. You don’t mention how long you’ve taken your dose every night, but again, even with a single dose some people feel crappy once it leaves one’s system.
And, you have to remember that 0.25 mg of Xanax is equivalent to 10.0 mg of Valium. That’s a pretty significant dose. Not so low, as you say.
Very good insight for you to pick up on this out-of-character behavior! I wasn’t as smart as you; my husband and family told me for years I became aggressive while taking my Xanax and Klonopin (and various antidepressants).
My humble words of advice are to:
1) check out the Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support group on Yahoo.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/benzo
In their Files section there are numerous links to support the idea that you may indeed be suffering from the effects of physical dependence. Lots of accurate and intelligent advice over there.
Your best bet may be to do something called “water tapering” off of the 0.25 mg dose. This way, you’ll fool your brain into thinking it’s getting enough benzo, but actually you’ll be decreasing it each day with minimal side effects.
2) check out the Ashton Manual. It’s everything you wanted to know and more about benzodiazepines.
http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/index.htm
Again, I am speaking from the perspective of my personal experiences, so please trust your own body. If you are feeling one of the many symptoms of BZ withdrawal, maybe then it’s the same case for you.
I wish you the very best. I know; it feels terrible. But, have hope, there is a very safe way to get the Xanax out of your system with minimal pain. You maybe can find better ways to quiet your mind before bed that don’t leave you dependent on medication. I am finding those ways as I rediscover who I really am as I get off the benzodiazepines.
To put it in perspective: I am taking 3.22 mg of Valium now. As I mentioned, your 0.25 mg of Xanax is equivalent to about 10.0 mg of Valium. And I am still having some trouble falling asleep, with my balance, with dizziness, with being short-tempered… But, Lotta, I promise you that I’m being sincere when I tell you I get better each week. I feel better today overall that I ever could achieve with any benzodiazepine.
I’m on your side. Keep in touch. I’d be happy to hear how you’re doing. Thanks for commenting!
June 10, 2007 at 2:19 pm
ive been on klonopin for 6 years, my highest dose 6mg pr day and lowest 2mg a day. i recently found out im pregnant and have been tapered in a week from 2 mg to nothing… the nightmare has only begun. what should i do. if withdrawing is a month long process and cold turkey impossible, what remedy is there for those with a bun in the oven?
June 10, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Hi Rachel!
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Please, join the Yahoo Benzo Withdrawal Support Group. Tell the group your story and they will have the very best advice possible. A too-fast taper is maybe not the best way to get off of Klonopin. Here is the group’s URL:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/benzo
I have read many, many different people’s stories about getting off of benzos. So many people can be helped by seeking the advice of others in this group. I promise you, it’ll be very reassuring to have people who know how you feel there to support you.
There is a better way to get off the Klonopin — a way that’s best for you and the “bun.” 
Don’t worry. You and your baby will be fine. But, please, join this discussion group as soon as possible. You will find relief there, I promise!
Thanks for stopping by. I’d love to hear your progress. Keep in touch!
June 22, 2007 at 7:15 pm
well the bad news has arrived. bc i had taken the klonpin before i knew i was pregnant the sonogram showed no baby was forming and i was left only with a sack and dried blood. they assume i had miscarried so i guess i will just have to adopt because the risks of klonopin during pregnancy are evident.
June 22, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Dear Rachel,
I am so very sorry. What a stressful time you must have endured. I assumed you reinstated the Klonopin, right? Are you having panic attacks? Was the withdrawal tough on you?
I’m not a doctor, of course, but one never knows what causes miscarriages. I have heard of women taking benzos throughout their pregnancies without obvious harm to the fetus. It’s a mystery. But, adoption is wonderful, too. As my life coach tells me, if there is a baby spirit wanting to come to you, he or she will come via biological pregnancies or adoption. That baby spirit will find you in whatever way possible.
I send you a big hug. Again, I am sorry for your loss. Thank you, too, for the update. Take care, Rachel.
August 23, 2007 at 9:32 am
Hi every one , ive just found this website, i was looking for discussions about benzo’s and anxiety.
I was one of the very lucky people bu the sounds of it , my body cant for some reason tollerate benzo’s they make me feel more amxious than before i take them, but in the past i was on a med called zoloft for 2 years and went off them cold turky, nearly killed me. i just dont understand how doc’s can put us on meds and then leave us to our own devices.
dose any one know why a person would have adverse reation to benzo’s, they make me worse.
thanks
August 23, 2007 at 11:54 am
Welcome, Jenny
A lot of people have the same reaction you do with benzos: they get more anxious and agitated after taking them.
The best bet for a good discussion about this would be to visit the Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Group (the link is in my sidebar, under “Links”). They discuss anything and everything benzo-related over there. It’s a wonderful source of information.
One theory I have for why you feel anxious after taking benzodiazepines is that you are having inter-dose withdrawals. I’m going to bet that you may feel the more common effects of benzos at first, but a couple of hours later you start to feel jittery. Am I close? This, too, happened to me. That was because I was taking a benzo with a very short half-life (Xanax and Lorazepam/Ativan). In between doses it’s common to feel like crap — anxious, chest tight, shaky, internal vibrations, angry, full of rage, depression…
Your anxiety could be because the drug is wearing off. I felt this way in as little as 2-3 hours usually. Unfortunately, most doctors just prescribe more benzos. More doesn’t solve this problem. More benzos just makes the problem worse eventually.
Zoloft made me sick. I vomited multiple times a day for a week before I discontinued it. Cold turkey-ing someone off antidepressants is a crime.
Whoever did this to you is a criminal, really.
I am so glad to see your looking around and getting informed. Just remember to trust yourself. Continue to educate yourself so you can educated your doctors.
Really nice to hear from you. Stop by anytime!
August 24, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I just came across your blog when I was searching for help on going down on Ativan. I really admire your courage.
I was put on Ativan when I was 14 (yes that’s not a typo). Of course I had no idea it was addictive. I had no idea what Ativan was at all. I am now 24 and still on it.
Yes, I had bad anxiety and undiagnosed Tourette’s Syndrome which made life really anxious for a good reason (doctors don’t seem to care to diagnose tourette’s since there are no drugs they can push for it).
Psychiatry has never helped me with my problems; it has made my life extremely difficult. I get sick when I have to go in for my refills with my psychiatrist–all of them–at least where I live are uncaring and seem only smart enough not to take the shit they give.
I finally found an addictionologist a few towns over. For my 25th birthday I am giving myself the present of committing myself to getting off this crap that has ruined my short term memory and made life foggy and hellish.
KUDOS to you on your good work, it’s an inspiration! I need inspiration cos I am really scared about withdrawal.
August 24, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Ooops…I didn’t read all the posts before posting mine, I am very sorry for your loss. I believe your child will come to you in some form that the universe decides. Hope that doesn’t sound too hokey, but I believe it to be true!
August 27, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Great to hear from you, Marcus
My jaw fell to the floor when I read you were put on Ativan at 14. Fourteen! Of course you had no idea it was physically and psychologically addicting… You were a child. Doctors time and time again fail to show an understanding of “informed consent.”
It doesn’t surprise me you’re still on it 10 years later. A lot of people are on it for years and years before they say, “Enough is enough!”
I am so excited for you that you’ve given yourself such a wonderful gift with the addiction expert. Have you read the Ashton Manual? (There’s a link for it in my side bar, under “Links”). Please read it cover to cover before seeing the addictionologist. Unfortunately, many doctors and so-called experts do a much too fast taper off of benzos.
You have my support 100%. I am very impressed by your story. Please keep us up-to-date.
And, Happy Birthday!
September 12, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Hello
Im so happy that in our lives now that (itching) the internet is here so we can talk about things like XANAX in our lives.
Im currently itching like a bastard. My skin is irriatated everywhere Im itching all over the place. I stopped Xanax July 20 2007. Today is Sept 12 2007. Xanax is a absolute madman scientist chemical. It should not be made for human consumption. The sensation I have off this stuff is out of control. I sweat for no reason. I can’t really drive or talk right. I feel light. Like there is no bottom. Like Im floating around detached not really knowing what is going on. I get overwhelmed very easily. The mornings are rough getting up. I get irritable too. Like I have lost control of my emotions. I had the electric like shocks that are gone. I had insomnia with violent dreams. But better now. I had some weird ass dreams then Satan and stuff. But Im still going through some weird sensations. Drug is freaky
September 13, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Hi, Mike. Welcome!
I am sorry about your itching. I take Zrytec for my allergies, so I almost never itch (except when I forget to take it!).
How much Xanax did you stop? Did you taper slowly or stop cold turkey? Your symptoms sound like you decreased too quickly.
Take a look at the Ashton Manual. There’s great information in there about withdrawing (link is in my right side bar). I really hope you feel some relief soon!
By the way, I am just at 4 weeks benzo free, and I feel much better. My sleep quality (and nightmares) is the major problem I am having lately.
Oh, it’s so hard to get off these meds!
September 17, 2007 at 4:12 am
I’m currently on 2mg of xanax a day and i’m sitting on the fence post about tapering or continuing. I’m 22 and have alot of stress with school and full time work etc.
However i’ve come to accept that this is how life will be at any age (except maybe retirement *crosses fingers*). So i’m starting to sway towards tapering with a valium crossover first via the Ashton method. I found a great website with tons of people that have been through what we’ve all been through. http://www.benzoisland.org
Its worth checking out, they make you register and wait a bit before you post so that they can weed out the “where can i find xanax online?” people. They also have a list of “valium taper friendly doctors” for most major cities in the USA. A great asset!
September 18, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Rachel, you may have had a blyted ovum ( everything forrms normally in the gestation sac except your body has already killed the pregnancy). I have had 5 of these and trust me they were not linked to Klonopin, I was not even on it at the time. There are many, many women out there that take things that they shoudn’t while they are pregnant and they give birth to healthy babies (some of the time). So do not blame yourself, I have been in your situation and you are constantly thinking ..”what if I just did this different”….but mother nature has a way of taking charge of these situations. I have been chronically ill since about 3 years ago and I have been on a vast array of meds. including Klonopin (after the miscarriages) and pain meds. The w/d from a pain med. is horrible and I have never experienced that with the Klonopin but I know what the w/d’s are like and it is horrible. It is so easy to take that next pill so you can get off of the couch and cook supper or take the dogs for a walk. During withdrawal, these may be the hardest things to do…..very sad to live like this.
September 18, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Welcome, Dustin
Well, chronic benzo use never works out well, in my opinion. The occasional pill, now and then — maybe that’s understandable. I started at 21, and kept going because of college pressure and stress, too. The stress really never ends, but that’s just part of the human experience, no?
I think you really have a good idea of what benzodiazepines can do since you’ve read the Ashton Manual and since you’re a member of BenzoIsland.org (yes, it’s a wonderful resource. I’ve joined, too).
You have a tough decision to make. I just wish when I was your age, I had realized I’d still be taking benzos 17 years later. I would have tapered off of them on the spot!
It is a very personal decision, too. Whatever you decide, do think long-term. It’s too easy to keep getting refills. Then, before you know, 5, 10, 15, 20 years have passed!
Thanks for stopping by, and good luck with your decision!
September 18, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Hi Lynn,
That’s really good information! You are very compassionate. I hope that Rachel stops by again so she can read your comment. You really can relate to her pain well.
Thanks so much.
September 26, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Ya know what? I tried for months to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for panic disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder to no avail. People made me feel bad, guilty, and like a failure, for deciding to use medication to control my disorders. I finally thought to myself “this is crazy, I am not going to live with OCD so badly that I cannot leave the house just because someone thinks medications are for the weak.” It was then I made the decision to start on 1 mg/ day of klonopin, and 100 mg/ day of Zoloft. Ya know what? My life has been NORMAL ever since.. no more racing thoughts, no more fear and panic. I had panic disorder so badly that they would happen IN MY SLEEP and wake me up. The OCD ruled my every action. I almost failed college because of it. I have been on klonopin and antidepressants for about 4 years now. I will never look back. They saved my marriage, my education, and my career. To anyone else that is reading this that has experienced what I have, DO NOT feel guilty about using medication. It is there to help. The only problem comes with thoes who abuse it.
September 26, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Ya know what? I don’t entirely believe you.
You say that, in the four years since you’ve started Zoloft and Klonopin, you’ve had NO racing thoughts, NO fear, and NO panic?
This would be nothing short of a miracle! No wonder you’re supporting chronic use of psychotropics.
If I were “cured” like you while taking any one of the 25 + drugs I was prescribed, then I would never have tapered off of them.
Despite your obvious exaggeration, I am very glad the medications work for you. I agree that in MANY cases medication can be of help. I just don’t believe chronic benzodiazepine use is the answer for anxiety disorders. There are plenty of blogs out there that love benzos! This just happens not to be one.
Mind you, I took Klonopin for 16 years, Xanax for 18 years. I’d be curious as to how your opinion changes after 14 more years of daily use. Check back with me in 2021.
My next point concerns your assertion that “The only problem comes with those who abuse it.” This is absolutely, 100% inaccurate. Even those of us who take within the prescribed amounts can still suffer from interdose withdrawals and tolerance, among a myriad of other adverse effects.
Also, it’s really common to wake up panicking. It has to do with the circadian rhythms of cortisol and a panicky person’s sensitivity to it. Your case isn’t unique in this aspect.
And, to be clear, I NEVER said “medications are for the weak.” There is a place and time for psychotropics. I don’t appreciate your putting words in my mouth.
Just so you know, I have been six weeks, 100% benzo-free, and I have never felt more “normal” than I do now.
So, Laura, let’s not undermine and invalidate the experiences of thousands of people who have NOT had, as you say, “NORMAL” lives since starting on benzodiazepines. You’re advocating non-judgement, but at the same time you appear as intolerant as those you’re fighting against.
If benzos and antidepressants made you “NORMAL” again, all the power to you. Really, I just can’t believe YOU believe these medications were responsible for saving your marriage, your education, and your career in addition to halting all fear, panic, and obsessive thoughts. You should give yourself a little more credit!
September 27, 2007 at 10:37 am
OTHER people told me meds were for the weak, not you. I don’t believe you were around at that point in my life.
To the rest of your post.. well, ya don’t believe me? I’m sorry you feel that way.
September 27, 2007 at 11:35 am
No, I still don’t believe you haven’t had ANY panic, racing thoughts, or OCD — none! — since you started chronic psychotropic use.
Even my blogging friends who do choose to take benzodiazepines regularly (and I have a few of these friends whom I respect dearly), they still have the occasional panic attack, fearful thought, or obsessive idea.
Do you really think it’s normal to not experience the downs along with the ups in life? Isn’t this part of the human experience? To me, “normal” is not always feeling comfortable and anxiety-free.
Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t want to take your meds. A little “uncomfortableness” from time to time is what reminds me I am human.
And, yes, obviously I wasn’t in your life four years ago! Sorry if you misunderstood me and thought I believed I was in your life four years ago. (?!) Nevertheless, you infer that I advocate the position “taking benzos is for the weak” when you “warn” people at the end of my post that taking meds is really okay! This is untrue, unfair, and just plain wrong.
If people are more helped from the benzos and antidepressants than not, then I have always encouraged people to feel better. But, no exaggeration, you are the first person I’ve encounterd who has been 100% “cured” from panic, fear, OCD, and marital issues as a result of starting psychotropics (oops! I forgot to add education and career problems cured by psychotropics as well).
By the way, it’s interesting your trolling around anxiety and panic blogs when you’ve already been “cured”. If I were “cured,” I could think of a lot more constructive and fun ways to spend my “normal” life.
September 27, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Well, I just got home from helping teach a 4-H dog agility class.. and yep, still feel normal.
I just happened upon this site while searching for the potential side effects of Metformin (a diabetic medication that I take for PCOS) and I didn’t feel what was being written here was fair to people who have been helped by benzos and antidepressants. Maybe I am an anomaly? I do have a normal life now, with no problems relating to anxiety disorders.
I am not a troll, I stand by my original statement… and I hope others who are on medication or considering it will read what I have written. When CBT does not help, there is NO shame in using medication.
September 27, 2007 at 7:55 pm
…there is NO shame in using medication
Finally, we agree.
February 9, 2008 at 10:54 am
I have been on Xanax for three months now and am trying to get off. My intitial dose was 0.25 mg three times a day. That eventually went up to 0.5 three times a day. Now I am down to about 1/4 of 0.5 twice a day and 0.25 at night. I have been unable to eat for two days and have been throwing up. Today I have been unable to do anything but lay in bed. I am irritable, crying, uncomfortable, anxious, etc. I have tried excercizing daily and walking when I feel bad. I have tried breathing exercizes and meditation. I just feel horrible and am wondering how the heck to get off this medication. My doctor wanted me to skip the afternoon dose today, but I am afraid to b/c of how sick I am feeling. I am supposed to have allergy testing on the 25th…which gives me a deadline for being totally off the Xanax, but it does not seem like enough time. Is there some kind of natural and safe remedy I can be using right now to help me through this? Anything you can tell me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
February 11, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Hi Blair,
Sorry it’s taken me a couple of days to reply to your comment.
First question is how quickly you went from 0.5 mg Xanax, T.I.D. to you current dose?
If you went from 1.5 mg a day to 0.75 mg a day too fast, many of your symptoms could be an exacerbated withdrawal.
I would reinstate at a slighter higher dose — say up to half a 0.5 tablet T.I.D. (three times per day).
Then, once stabilized, I’d cross over to an equivalent dose of the longer-acting Valium.
Please see the Benzo Withdrawal Yahoo group and the Ashton Manual for how to do this (both links are in my side bar).
Delay the allergy testing until you are stabilized again.
Your symptoms are worse because you tapered too much too fast.
I would avoid too much exercise, too, until you’ve stabilized. Also, it’s recommended to avoid supplements and vitamins until your brain has recovered from the shock of benzo withdrawal.
Please, read the Ashton Manual in its entirety. DO not taper any more until you are over these terrible symptoms.
Your doctor doesn’t understand benzodiazepine withdrawal well. Bring him/her some pages from the Ashton Manual.
I wish you peace.
October 7, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Hello HSP Woman. Just recently I ran across several of your articles and I found them extremely informative. It’s rare to come across someone experienced enough to be able to share an honest perspective of just what happens to someone who gets ’stuck’ on some of these supposedly helpful medications, which can actually only serve to exacerbate an already intolerable situation!
Myself, I have been off and on diazapines for nearly 20 years now, with no one to give me any ideas to help me stay off for good or permanently and to do it safely…at least until now. I would just like to say thank you so very much. I am going to print off some of your articles as well as some of the tapering off suggestions of Professor Ashton’s for my physician to read so he will be a little more informed.
Thanks again.
January 3, 2009 at 1:34 am
Happy New Year, Eric 
You made my day. I can’t tell you how satisfying it is hear that you now know how to get off benzodiazepines safely, if you so choose.
Comments like yours makes sharing my story effortless.
Thank you very much for sharing.
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April 1, 2007 at 8:08 am
hey hsp woman. interesting post! i wish you well. if i were you, i wouldn’t feel bad about taking a xanax once every four months. but that’s me. anyhow, if you have good coping skills for your panic attacks, hey, go for it girl! remember: you are well.