Update on My Benzo Taper

Posted by: HSP Woman on: May 3, 2007

• In: anxiety | anxiety attacks | benzodiazepine withdrawal | benzodiazepines | mental health | Valium | water taper | withdrawal | Xanax
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Dr. Heather Ashton – Benzodiazepine Withdrawal

Dr. Heather Ashton is my hero.

She has been researching the negative effects of chronic benzodiazepine use for over 25 years. I so admire women who are ahead of their time. Women who fight for what’s right and readily put their reputations on the line for a worthy cause.

Today, most doctors are still blind to the seriousness of withdrawing from benzos too quickly. Just last week, I went to my internist with an update on my tapering. I came into her office prepared, ready to share with her the next few months of my withdrawal schedule using the water titration method. The schedule itself looks wonderful, I might add. It’s all laid out in a nice Excel spreadsheet, courtesy of the Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support Group.

My doctor looked at me and rolled her eyes mumbling something about how she just knew I’d bring in something to show her (like it’s bad for a patient to be informed?). She’s convinced my Valium taper is unnecessarily slow, but I’ve had many doctors tell me the same thing. When I started the initial taper with her back in September 2006, she only half-heartedly agreed to do the crossover to the longer half-life Valium from the very short half-life Xanax. Well, at least she agreed to the crossover. I’ve read horror stories about many, many doctors who think the crossover is ridiculous.

Ignorance runs rampant among doctors when it comes to benzodiazepine use. If they’d only take a couple of hours and read the Ashton Manual. They could do it at home, in private where no one would see them deviating from the “gold standard.” Where no one would see them appearing to perhaps doubt themselves and their omnipotence by actually reading someone else’s work.

I seriously wonder how many doctors even read scientific journals. I worked in a neuroscience lab for years. We would often grimace at the number of MDs who were completely unaware of real science. Well, granted some doctors may take time to read a few abstracts of interesting papers. But, from my experience, I still think very few doctors are really up-to-date on the latest research. How many doctors get their information from drug reps? From medical conferences sponsored by the pharmaceutical industry?

Please, don’t get me wrong. I think doctors are great (mostly) at the gross medical problems, the large problems. I think that most doctors just lack finesse in the more subtle areas of health, like in mental health for example. I believe certain conditions are just too complicated (for lack of a better word) for most doctors. It’s true, finding real cleverness and unique insight is probably difficult in most professions. However, I have this bias that more doctors than not should show signs of intelligence and outside-the-box thinking skills.

Okay, rant over….

So, how’s my water titration off of Valium working for me? Pretty well I must admit. This is what I do each day:

I wake up and head to the kitchen. There I set up my little chemistry laboratory. I have something like a graduated cylinder, a hand blender, a little cup, two glasses, a 10 ml syringe, and a pestle. I first measure 50 ml of water. Next, I grind up a 2.0 mg Valium tablet in the little cup. I add the powder into the cylinder and rinse out the cup with some of my 50 ml of water. I blend for 20 seconds. Then, depending on the day, I remove a particular amount of drug water with the syringe and it toss in down the sink. Yeah! Finally, I drink the Valium water, trying not to taste its bitterness. I find it really helps if I eat a piece of toast before drinking the drug water. Without a little food I tend to get slightly nauseated.

Each day I make about a 2.0% drop in amount of Valium I ingest each morning. I still take my 2.0 mg Valium tablet at night by mouth, no mashing and mixing needed (yet). This morning was my 7th day using the water tapering method, and I have made a cumulative drop from 4.0 mg Valium total per day to an incredible 3.520 mg dose daily.

The first two days were frustrating; I complained a lot. I felt really irritable and grumpy. I feel a little less moody today.

Also, my dreams have become vivid and frightening again. And, still, I find myself at times really searching for the right word. I’m not worried though. The nightmares and aphasia are temporary according to the stories of other people who have withdrawn from benzos. I feel confident I can hang in there…

Also, I have a suspicion that drinking the morning dose affects me more than just swallowing the entire pill. I have no research to back this up, but I swear I feel more “drugged” after drinking the Valium drug water. It’s like a more sudden high. It’s funny because I used to love this feeling — now, well not so much. The tuning out, floating with a bit of dizziness, makes me feel uncomfortable.

I’d rather not feel this, but the alternative is too horrific. I tapered off of Klonopin by dry cutting the pills. I suffered so much. I had dozens of adverse reactions, like walls moving and my legs buckling out from under me. Then, of course, I had the experience of one of those detox units Dr. Ashton describes in her video clip. Cold turkey off of Xanax, Klonopin, and Effexor…. I wish I could just let go of my rage. How dare those doctors admit me to their detox center when there was already clear scientific evidence that doing so could jeopardize my life.

One more thing: I totally had to switch to decaf coffee in the morning. The first days, I was still on espresso. Here’s some good information:

Caffeine (mg):

• Diet Coke: 45.6
• Sunkist Orange: 40.0
• Diet Pepsi: 36.0
• espresso (2.0 oz): 100.0
• drip coffee (8.0 oz): 115.0-175.0
• decafe coffee: 3.0-4.0
• Red Bull (8.2 oz): 80.0 (oh my!)

Up until around 5 days ago, I was having about 6 oz of espresso and 1-2 Diet Cokes per day. That’s just under 400 mg of caffeine a day! For some people, that amount of caffeine wouldn’t make a dent in their lives. In the life of someone withdrawing from benzodiazepines, like me, this amount of caffeine was enough to give me the “anxious chest” I mentioned in previous post. This chest tightness, in turn, leads to panicky feelings. I came to the conclusion pretty quickly that encouraging panic was probably not in my best interest at this time!

So, recently I have managed to have my decaf in the morning and one Diet Coke at lunch. I’ve found that this single soda is enough to keep the caffeine withdrawal headaches at bay. Yet, at the same time, the racing heart and tight chest is MUCH BETTER. I am happy not to be so dependent on coffee anymore. I’d like to give it up completely and switch to tea. Also, I went for ages without drinking soda and I felt so much better. But, again, one demon at a time…