Xanax: How (and Why) I Quit
Posted by: HSP Woman on: May 23, 2007
A post dedicated to anyone who takes multiple doses of benzodiazepines daily and wants to stop.
I’m now convinced that crossing over to Valium was the only way I could successfully get off Xanax.
Too bad I didn’t do the same with Klonopin. I made the mistake of tapering off Klonopin by dry cutting (using a pill cutter). That was hell. Fortunately, some people can taper off benzos this way, but most cannot.
I vividly remember the horror of the Klonopin withdrawal. It was nearly impossible to fall asleep for about a week after each reduction even though each decrease was only 1/8th of a tablet. Electric pokes with epicenters in my brain radiated through my arms into my fingertips. Walls, floors, and trees waved like laundry on the line. Seriously, no fun at all.
About 8 months after getting off of Klonopin, I wanted the Xanax out of my body, too. This time, however, I wasn’t going down the same road. I downloaded the Ashton Manual and read it cover to cover.
I am one of those unfortunate people who became both tolerant to and physically (and psychologically) dependent on Xanax. I have read that not everyone becomes tolerant to the effects of benzos (except for the somnolence if you’re a chronic user), but everyone does become physically dependent to some degree after as little as two weeks of regular use. This means you may not have to increase your dose significantly over the years (unless you’re taking it for insomnia), but you must always taper off of benzos very, very slowly. Also, a great percentage of people will have protracted withdrawal symptoms that can last years. Nice drug, huh?
In my case, it seemed I couldn’t take it often enough to quell the inter-dose withdrawals. I was in an (almost) constant state of agitation, anger, depression, and anxiety. And the headaches! Geez. It never failed that about two hours after taking the pill, I’d be shaking, anxious, and irritable again. I tried to wait until my next dose, but most times I couldn’t tolerate the suffering. Of course at that time I didn’t realize the pain may be the medication wearing off; I assumed I was extremely unstable and potentially very mentally damaged. Not surprisingly my psychiatrists made the same assumptions.
To think I had been taking this drug for four years already at the time this advertisement. And what anxiety disorder is not associated with depression?
People close to me easily saw the correlation between the benzos and my foul moods. It took me longer to see the obvious. But, soon after I realized the adverse side effects of the drug outweighed its fleeting sense of relief (and false sense of security), I decided to taper off of it for good this time around.
I had tried many times before to stop the benzos by following the withdrawal schedules of my psychiatrists. For 99% of benzo users, the “gold standard” for tapering off of these drugs is way too fast. Doctors will even go as far as to say that the withdrawal effects experienced by their patients aren’t withdrawal effects at all. They continue to invalidate their patients’ symptoms despite thousands of cases that prove otherwise. In fact, withdrawal symptoms are often misidentified as other underlying mental disorders that require prescriptions for antidepressants, anti-psychotics, and mood stabilizers.
So, back to the Xanax. Inevitably, I wound up taking an extra two or three Xanax pills a day. I couldn’t even leave the house without my pills. If I ever forgot them at home, no matter how late I was, I would turn around and get them. Most days, I had a single tablet in my pocket, or in my sock if I had no pockets. I even perfected a technique of storing a pill in my panties! The idea of not having a readily available pill while in public was terrifying enough to trigger a full blown panic attack.
This proves to me I had a huge psychological dependence on Xanax. But, rightly so, no? The regular inter-dose withdrawal symptoms coupled with a stressful event would result in an even bigger anticipatory anxiety. Who wants that? Who has time to go through the horrible withdrawal symptoms when a pill works magic as an instant fix?
But, I did quit Xanax by crossing over to Valium. Here’s how it worked.
I approached my internist in September 2006. I showed her the Ashton Manual and told her I wanted to get off benzodiazepines. She didn’t see the logic in ever getting off the benzos considering my “condition,” but she did understand the reasoning behind crossing over to Valium.
That’s when I started the five-week crossover, although I went especially slowly and turned five weeks into about nine weeks.
I used to “officially” take 0.5 mg of Xanax three times a day. So, I started slowly replacing one dose of Xanax with an equivalent amount of Valium. Now, I am not sure how Dr. Ashton has devised her “Benzodiazepine Equivalence Table,” but the premise is that Valium (its active metabolite) has a half life around 200 hours. Compare this to Xanax’s half life of 6-12 hours. You can understand why it’s desirable to be on a longer acting benzo if avoidance of withdrawal effects is of primary concern.
Once I had my evening dose converted to Valium, I started on the morning and afternoon doses. Eventually, after about 2.5 months, I was totally on Valium. I remember the last day I “officially” took Xanax — November 27, 2006. What a great day!
Next came the tough part — decreasing the Valium.
In the beginning, I dry cut. I would decrease by 1-5 mg of Valium, and hold steady until the major withdrawal effects subsided. The holding period lasted somewhere between one and three weeks. I think it helped to use both the 2.0 and 5.0 mg pills to manage the dry-cut taper.
Early on, I also followed Dr. Ashton’s recommendation to try and take just two doses per day. Soon enough I was only taking a morning and an evening dose. I’d done away with the mid-day dose. That in itself was a huge accomplishment!
I’d get hung up sometimes at a particular dose. This happened every few weeks. The advice I got about this was not to worry — it was perfectly normal. Just because I was feeling more panicky didn’t in any way confirm I absolutely required medication. Panic attacks are a guaranteed symptom of withdrawal. I just tried to ride it out, and I’m living proof it is possible! I wish I had known this fact earlier in my taper. I regularly became deeply discouraged during the first five months of withdrawal because the frequency of my panic attacks increased.
I also made the mistake of “up dosing” too often. Dr. Ashton recommends people just hold steady when they meet a rough patch. She doesn’t advise taking extra pills during withdrawal. By taking extra pills, a person just prolongs the withdrawals as he or she must retrace steps already taken. This was hard for me to comprehend, but it’s so true.
When I finally reached about 4.0 mg, my withdrawal symptoms became especially pronounced. This is when I decided the water taper was the only way to go during the last milligrams. It’s said that the final bit is the hardest, and I believe it. You have to remember there is not only the physical withdrawal, but the psychological “letting go” as well. At 4.0 mg, I panicked (literally and figuratively) at the thought of surrendering my security blanket. I had freaked out before, but not like I did at 4.0 mg.
The water titration method has been immensely helpful in me getting as far as I have. I still take a 2.0 mg pill each night, but, every morning, I dissolve one 2.0 mg Valium pill in 50 ml of water. Today, I threw out 46 ml of the drug water and drank only 4.0 ml. This is a huge accomplishment! Tomorrow, I’ll toss 48 ml, and, if all goes well, Thursday I will drink NO MORNING DRUG WATER!
Why is the Valium crossover and water taper so helpful? First, the longer half-life of Valium compared to Xanax convinced me I had enough drug on board to only take my benzos twice a day. When I first crossed over, I was taking Valium three times a day, but I still carried my Xanax around “just in case.” Eventually, I started leaving most of my Xanax pills at home. Sometimes, I’d even forget to take them with me at all. Like Dr. Ashton predicts, I just got used to not taking benzos multiple times a day. The two times a day schedule really helped me practice minimal dosing.
Second, I didn’t want to screw up all my hard work, so I really tried not to reach for a pill every time I felt panicky. Again, this took practice and faith in science. Many times I had no faith in myself, but I had faith that there was enough drug in my system to help ward off a full blown attack. I trust phamacokinetics. This one-minute-at-a-time stance also has helped me (finally!) use and reinforce other coping skills. I never put my money where my mouth was when I had a Xanax within 10 feet. Taking a Xanax was always the preferred coping technique! Today, I have a handful of non-drug skills to help me through a panic attack. It’s really empowering.
Third, I eventually started to feel so much better overall that I had the guts to start this blog and to flush my entire Xanax stash in March. It took me 6 months into my taper to finally let go of my precious drug. Yes, I have had lots of panic attacks throughout my withdrawal, but still I feel better. You have to trust me on this part. If you are like I was and you take Xanax or another benzo multiple times a day, then I wish you especially would trust me. It does get better. It gets easier, I swear.
Fourth, I am at the point now where I become slightly annoyed each morning because I have to make my drug water. Believe me, it takes some time to set up, mash the pill, dissolve it, blend it, measure it…. Enough already! I’m bored. If I knew I wouldn’t suffer because of it, I’d just toss the entire chemistry lab out the window.
I never thought I’d say it, but I’d just rather not take the drug. Period.
90 Responses to "Xanax: How (and Why) I Quit"
May 23, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Hi there, Deb!
You know I never developed this fear of addiction that sooo many panic sufferers have. It’s strange. I guess that’s why I’ve tried over 27 different meds to “take away the pain.” None of them helped (most of them hurt). Actually, I just think it’s fortunate that you have this avoidance. That’s one thing that will work for you. Thanks for your support! And, congratulations to you, too, for flushing your Xanax!
May 23, 2007 at 6:45 pm
such a good post, HSP woman.
drug water… mmmm! 
and to think of all that xanax flushed down the toilet… what a waste! 
May 24, 2007 at 7:38 am
Wow, this makes me feel like I should flush my Lorazepam. But then, I also feel like I want to take more than 1 or 2 mg per day. Sigh. I admire you for your efforts to work through this without meds, and I hope someday I’ll be able to do the same…
May 24, 2007 at 3:02 pm
but seriously, i have to say i am one of those people who draw a lot of comfort from having a couple of pills of xanax or lorazepam with them at all time. i have hardly even taken either. they generally expire before i have a chance to take a single one (again, what a waste! ). but they work very nicely as anti-phobic objects for me. it’s a mental habit more than a medical habit, if that makes any sense. and, honestly, i don’t see any reason to adopt other anti-phobic techniques. this works just fine!
May 24, 2007 at 5:13 pm
i have hardly even taken either. they generally expire before i have a chance to take a single one (again, what a waste!
AMA,
This is the major difference between our use of benzos. I took them regularly and developed physical dependence. After a short while of chronic use, I didn’t have the option of carrying them around just in case. I was/am dependent.
I wish I had been able to carry Xanax around and choose not to use them. I agree with you that they have fantastic anti-phobic power. Oh, my, have they…
And, the drug water is terrible! Yuck! But today was a good day. It was the first morning in 18 years (except for the 5 weeks in and just after detox) that I haven’t taken a benzodiazepine.
I feel pretty damn proud! And happy, too, actually!
Thanks for your comments!
May 24, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Hi Moodblog,
I admire you right back! Don’t stress about your medication. If and when the time comes, you can decide whether they are still helping you. Today, Lorazepam seems to be helping you more than not, right? Then, by all means, don’t stop it. Again, I was on benzos for 17 years before I started to really want to get off them! That’s a looong time. Every one of us is unique! Nice to hear from you again!
May 24, 2007 at 6:16 pm
well, i took clonazepam for 15 years, so i wasn’t exactly benzo free! but yeah, the extra fix wasn’t something i ever needed. the clonazepam kept me pretty steady, i’ve got to say. i got off it only because i wanted to, not because it was making me feel anxious or irritable or any of those things.
i imagine the drug water to be awful. valium is so bitter. anyway, congratulations on being on TWO mg of valium, and only at night!!!!! it’s amazing. you are basically there! such an accomplishment. anyone who’s tried it can testify to the fact that it is nothing short of heroic to be getting off this stuff. i mean it. hoo hoo!
May 24, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Oh, that’s right! I forgot about your extended clonazepam use. I quit clonazepam, too, after about 16 years. I was never really steady, however. When I stopped it, I was still as “unsteady” probably because I was still on about 3.0 mg of alprazolam (Xanax).
There are people out there (Stevie Nicks) who would disagree with our appraisal of Klonopin. She says it was harder to quit than cocaine. Again, we are all unique! (And FABULOUS!)
“Klonopin is a horrible, dangerous drug,” says Stevie Nicks.
Stevie Nicks talks about her addiction to Klonopin, a tranquilizer prescribed to help her get over her raging cocaine habit.
“I was really sick,” she says. Even though her years of cocaine abuse left a hole in her head the size of a Sacajawea gold dollar, she claims that the Klonopin did far more damage. “It was not my drug of choice,” she says. “I’m not a downer person. I was looking for things that made me want to clean the house and shop, write songs and stay up for four days. I was sad and I was sick. I didn’t really understand right up until the end that it was the Klonopin that was making me crazy. I really didn’t realize it was that drug because I was taking it from a doctor and it was prescribed. It just hit me really hard that that was the foundation for why I was completely falling apart.”
May 24, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Oh! And THANKS for the hooray!
I can’t believe it. It’s a great feeling. I am not looking forward to setting up the chemistry lab again when I start the water taper for the evening dose. But, one step at a time… Slowly, slowly, s-l-o-w-l-y….
I do feel a bit heroic right now
May 24, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Wow!
Talk about inspiration.
That’s one mighty fine and detailed story. Whoa.
Quite the journey and I’m impressed. That took a lot of resolve, dedication … no sheer willpower to wean yourself off the drugs.
Wow… way *impressed*
May 24, 2007 at 7:22 pm
but surely you think stevie nicks is right, no?
listen, i worked for some time in a rehab community. this was when i was in my twenties. we had kids on cocaine and heroin. we took them off the drugs cold turkey. they’d have one week of flu-like symptoms, which we treated with aspirin, and then would be as right as rain (well, physically. mentally they were a disaster. but they woudn’t have any physical discomfort after that one week).
it was only for a couple of years and it was some 40 kids in all, and i never really studied this or exposed myself to heroin and cocaine addicts afterwards, so my knowledge of heroin and cocaine withdrawal is very limited, but still …. no one can stop taking a benzodiazepine one is addicted to cold turkey! i know people do it, but the very thought makes me shudder in horror. and you most certainly would not be well in one week! no one could.
i guess stevie nicks is mostly talking about uppers vs. downers, so that’s another matter altogether.
anyway, another refresher: i’m still taking 6 mg of valium, from the 20 mg from which i started (i used to take 1 mg of clonazepam). i may be ready to start tapering those 6 mg in a bit, but not yet. i’m still too traumatized by the big fat panic attack i had in december. no withdrawal for me for a while!
yeah, do feel heroic. and the chemistry lab… worth it, no?
May 24, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Hey Aroundnaround,
Well, I am not off yet! I still have 2.0 mg of Valium to go… But, thank you very, very much for the encouragement!
I hope to be benzo free by the end of summer. I’m going to wait a week or so before I start water tapering my evening dose. As I know you know, panic attacks suck big time. I have to maintain my self-confidence when they happen during this fragile time as I give up the morning dose.
I mean I still had just as many panic attacks while taking a boatload of meds… Why not be drug-free at least if I can’t get any sustainable relief from them? It’s such a challenge!
I hate panic. Blah.
Thanks once again for your support!
May 24, 2007 at 8:38 pm
I absolutely agree, AMA, that Klonopin is poison. I remember when I was in hell (detox) and everyone felt sorry for me. I was the really screwed up one. I was the one C/T-ing off Klonopin. If I had a dollar for each time someone told me about Stevie Nicks…
What I meant to say (gosh, comments are the hardest place to have a clear conversation!) is that getting off Klonopin when I dry tapered was easier for me than getting off of Xanax. But, again, everyone reacts differently to benzo withdrawal. I guess I shouldn’t say “easier” because as you know, it’s really anything but.
I think Stevie Nicks reported was that Klonopin was harder to quit than her terrible cocaine addiction — more painful and prolonged w/d’s.
And 6 mg isn’t too much! And you know when (if) you decide to taper, I’ll be here for you 100%.
But, like I said, I think everyone needs to decide when and if to taper off BZs at his or her own discretion.
I would never think less of someone because he or she chooses to take medication! No way! I just have chosen not to at this point in my life.
By the way, have I told you lately that you’re awesome? Thanks for sharing over here.
June 10, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Good luck on getting off the benzos. For three years I was on either klonopin, xanax, valium or ativan, always. For the last of the three years I was on 7-10mg a day. And by the way I am 6′1” and 160 pounds, so this was an incredible addiction for my size.
After at least a year of begging myself to get off the drugs, I quit cold turkey one morning. The day before I had taken 10mg of xanax, so I was still cloudy. For the next week I had intense physical withdrawels, to the point where I couldn’t drive a car straight. In hindsight, I think it would have been safer to taper off with valium or a lower dose. But I had had enough of the benzos and I wanted to quit cold turkey, despite my doctor telling me it was very dangerous what I was doing.
Now I have been completely off all benzos for over two months. There have been days where everything has been sunny and I’ve felt emotions that have been otherwise blunted for years and years. Other days, all I want is a xanax or a valium.
My point is that you can get off these drugs, and that tapering is a healthy way to do it. But when you are ready to get off of them completely, know that I went from 10mg a day of xanax for over a year to absolutely nothing overnight (and suffered a consequential week of complete and terrible delirium (: ).
June 11, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Wow! 10 mg of Xanax cold-turkeyed? I can only imagine your suffering. I do understand your intense desire to get off of them asap. I had the same Now or Never attitude when I checked myself into rehab. I wanted off and I wanted off today. And as you say, C/T is definitely not the safest (or sanest) way to go.
I am amazed you only had one week of withdrawals. That’s very lucky. Are you certain you are not having any more withdrawal symptoms after only two months? You can sleep fine? Memory fine? Energy level fine? Geez. If it’s all good, I am so happy for you.
I have heard a small percentage of the population doesn’t have too many protracted withdrawal symptoms. You are fortunate to be in this group!
Thanks for stopping by, and for the encouragement. I really appreciate your sharing. Good luck, Ryan!
June 22, 2007 at 11:47 am
I too have quit cold turkey. When I was ready, I was ready. I was taking xanax almost every day for 2.5 years. I didn’t even treat it like a drug, because I didn’t think it changed my personality or made me feel “drunk.”
The thing is, is that I felt led to quit taking it, and after experiencing incredible withdrawal for a few days I am experiencing emotions and actually feeling. It seems I was wrong about it not changing your personality. Before, everytime I felt unpleasant emotions such as anger, anxiety, sadness, I would escape and be numb. I went through a divorce, and never actually experienced pain or grieved. I am now sorry for the coarse of events that took place as I wasn’t thinking straight. I talked to my doctor about alternatives, and was prescribed a beta-blocker-Propranalol and Hydroxizine, which is an anti-histamine. Also, I took Amitriptyline for a short time to help me sleep. These helped slightly, and I still take the Propranalol as my high blood pressure has returned. Even so, the withdrawal for about 2 -3 days was so intense. My alarm response was heightened from the slightest noise. It seems that the xanax/or lack of that was causing panic/anxiety. Also, I was sensitive to light and shook like a leaf. I have now been xanax free for about a month. The pain I feel when I experience sadness and any emotion, by the grace of God I welcome. It is better to “feel” anything than have the emotional apathy that accompanies xanax use. My concern now is that the doctor tried to continue to give me xanax. I don’t want to not feel, have memory loss and all the other garbage. The only thing I experience that I think is withdrawal is achy/tiredness when climbing stairs, and heart palpitations upon stressful events. Be encouraged, you can quit Xanax!
June 22, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Welcome, Roni
Oh, cold turkey and Xanax didn’t mix well with me! After rehab, I reinstated the Xanax and only quit via the crossover to Valium and water taper method. I just couldn’t do the c/t thing again.
I still have 2.0 mg of Valium to water taper. I haven’t started it yet, but I will soon (within the next 2 days or so).
About not “feeling” your divorce — yes, me too. Benzos make you totally stop feeling feelings. I guess that’s why people like myself used them for panic attacks so readily.
Your story is so interesting. I really appreciate you sharing it.
We can do it, day by day, minute by minute.
June 23, 2007 at 6:49 am
HSP Woman,
I was thrilled to find your blog and this entry in particular. (I have yet to peruse the rest of it)
I’m withdrawing from multiple drugs and will be starting a Klonopin withdrawal by years end.
I don’t know what to expect, but I love hearing success stories. I’m part of various benzo withdrawal email lists and most of the people posting on them are having a nightmare of a time. I imagine they represent the people who have the worst time of it.
I was prescribed benzo’s primarily for sleep but developed a raging “anxiety disorder” due to what I now know is “tolerance withdrawal.”
A while back, before I know everything I now know, including a valium switch NOT working for a lot of people, (there are many who say it’s best to stick with the poison you’re on) I wrote a post on benzo withdrawal:
http://bipolarblast.blogspot.com/2007/03/benzo-land-except-in-population-of.html
Like I said I have yet to go for it, but I’m planning on water titration from the beginning with the Klonopin. Even Ashton says that many people can’t make the switch from Klonopin to Valium. And everything I’ve learned indicates that a water titration with Klonopin can be relatively smooth.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. It’s good to hear from people who do it successfully and even if you’re still on a bit I’d call you successful.
Some people have to take years to get off even 1 mg of Klonopin. I’m on 3 mg and have been for probably 10 years. 15 years of benzo use.
In my experience every psych med I’ve ever been on has only complicated the picture and made me worse and ever more sensitive to stressors.
I look forward to spending more time on your blog.
June 23, 2007 at 12:34 pm
What a treat to find your comment this afternoon, Gianna.
I’m sorry that you developed anxiety after taking benzos for sleep. That happens a lot. I think doing the water taper is a fabulous idea. It’s kind of a pain (compared to just popping a pill), but it’s so worth it.
I still have 2.0 mg of Valium to taper. I am going to start on Monday, after my house guests leave. It’s never a good idea to start tapering during a stressful time!
I look forward to reading your blog. Thanks for sharing!
June 25, 2007 at 12:28 am
It’s inspiring reading these posts for anyone who’s coming off benzodiazepines!
I made the decision to move from the Midwest to the West Coast in order to stay at my parents and come off Klonopin which I had been taking for years. I don’t think they realized the treat they had in store for them! The last prescription I got, at a walk-in clinic in Minneapolis, was for 100 .5mg tablets. As usual, it stated “Take 3 tablets 3 times a day as needed.” I have about 20 left and 1 refill remaining (which obviously I’m not going to get filled).
I’ve been dependent on prescription medication for the past four years and my body is taking a beating coming off. The doctor who is helping me is sympathetic but a little too eager to write new “scripts” for other medications, such as Propranolol and various anti-depressants. The last thing I want to is experience emotional numbness all over again.
The past several days have been particularly difficult coming off the Klonopin. I’ve been largely bed-ridden and unable to do much at all. Reading about the much longer half-life with Valium has given me some food for thought.
Luckily, I kept diaries over the past several years and, reading back on them, I noticed some observations: I didn’t have my first Migraine until I started taking prescription med’s. And, since then, I have had terrible and debilitating Migraines, especially withdrawing from Klonopin. Another revelation was that I had started taking Klonopin and other drugs in 2003. Until I read that, in my own forgotten handwirting, I had always told people I had been on them for 2 years. The doctor who is helping me taper off Klonopin prescribed both Propanalol and Fuelxintine, as mentioned above. I come to find out, by reading my diaries, that A. I’ve taken them both before. and B. I discontinued them because I was allergic. It’s like these drugs have robbed me of time!
Migraine, obsessions, memory loss (especially short-term), spacing out, sleeping all day, unbalance/dizziness, irritability, depression, IBS, hyperhidrosis. These are all symptoms I’ve experienced lately while withdrawing from this poison. The obsessive thouhts, IBS and hyperhidrosis were the only anxiety-disorders I encountered prior to being on prescription medication.
Keep up the great blog and the best of luck to fellow sufferers!
June 25, 2007 at 12:43 am
The doctor who is helping me is sympathetic but a little too eager to write new “scripts” for other medications, such as Propranolol and various anti-depressants. The last thing I want to is experience emotional numbness all over again.
Me, too, Wilson. My internist wrote me a script for Zoloft the second I told her I was feeling a little “strange” as I got off the benzos. That was a while ago, and I was still under the misconception that maybe there was another drug out there that would lessen the withdrawal.
Man, was I wrong.
Like you, I don’t want to not feel anything again!
It’s great that you kept notes. I have, too. Now, my blog is kind of my notebook. When I started to see the pattern in my behavior and how it paralleled my medication use, the choice was clear — no more meds! Period.
Migraines are the worst. The worst! I do take Imitrex sometimes for them, but try not to. Imitrex works on the serotonergic system, too, and it’s best to stay away from any “benzo-like” drugs during withdrawal, I read.
Like you, I also have fewer anxiety symptoms since getting off of the benzos, too. Evil, evil drug…
Thanks for sharing. Our stories are so similar.
July 5, 2007 at 7:15 am
This post meant a lot to me. I don’t think I’ve ever read something that I can relate to so well. I’ve taken benzos for fifteen years, and finally, a new doctor told me that the 4mg of Klonopin and 1 mg of Xanax every day was over-medicating me. I believed him, since I have struggled with exhaustion for years. He cut my Klonopin prescription in half. Fortunately, I had back-up (I stash) and was able to taper down pretty slowly. I have quit the Klonopin altogether as of two weeks ago, and things are HARD. I have internal tremors that do not quit. My temper has been ugly and I’m being pretty anti-social. On the good side, for the first time in at least five years, I am dreaming. I have to wonder what not dreaming for five years did to me psychologically.
I totally understand why you were turning around to go back to the house for Xanax, taking a pill when you go out, etc. Whenever I would go to a club, I would stash a pill somewhere on my body, just in case. Once, I broke a window in my house because I was locked out and all of the Xanax was inside. I couldn’t just wait the half-hour for my friend to bring me the extra key. Crazy, huh?
Anyway, I have one milligram of Xanax to go until I’m free of the benzo addiction. I’m hoping it hasn’t caused permanent brain damage. It is so hard to remember people’s names, etc. I do feel a lot “sharper” since I quit the Klonopin. As soon as this damn shaking stops, I’m off to quit the Xanax. Thank you so much for the Valium and water titration idea.
July 5, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Hi Bloggrrl,
Did your psychiatrist cut your dose from 4.0 mg to 2.0 mg in one shot? Even if it happened in less than 6 weeks (or even less than 6 months!), that’s too fast for the majority of chronic benzo users! (Chronic = more than two weeks.)
At least he was right about the being “over-medicated” part. I have had over a dozen pdocs (due to moving around a lot among other things), and every single one said surprised, “Oh? You’re on two benzodiazepines?” Not one of them said to me what your doctor said about being over-medicated.
CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING TWO WEEKS KLONOPIN-FREE!
Wow! That’s wonderful. The internal vibration goes away, don’t worry. But, what other symptoms are you having? Are they very pronounced? Anti-social behavior is part of healing — normal. So are the mood swings. Yet, if your Sx are too overwhelming, it may be possible to reinstate and taper again very slowly by water tapering or by a crossover to Valium.
I have to laugh about the breaking the window incident. I 100% absolutely get you. I’ve done worse to get to my Xanax.
Only 1.0 mg is awesome, too. Yea for you! I think that’s equivalent to about 20 mg of Valium… Way to go. Are you taking it twice per day? Probably 0.5 mg B.I.D., no?
With the Xanax, I urge you to think about the Valium crossover. I cannot believe how much better I feel now that it’s been two months since I stabilized at 2.0 mg Valium.
Since I feel so well, I’ve decided to start the water taper on the evening dose. I began two nights ago. This time, however, I am doing the “medium speed” water taper. I did the “fast” water taper for the first 2.0 mg. I think it was a bit too fast for me.
Good luck! I am so proud of you for sticking with the tapering even though it feels like crap.
Again, like you said, if the panic and agoraphobia had been “cured” by the medication, tapering would be much less of a priority. Thanks for sharing, Bloggrrl!
ps: if anyone wants to know more about how to use the water taper or Valium crossover methods for benzo withdrawal, please join the Yahoo group called Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/benzo
July 5, 2007 at 8:59 pm
very sweet of you to give us the benzo w/d yahoo group address, HSP woman, but why should we go there if we have you to guide us, hey?
in fact, i have a question to ask you sometime, about valium and resuming the tapering. i’m too tired to formulate it now, but i’m going to ask you soon. okay, doc?
July 5, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Absolutely, AMA! 
I hope I can answer your question. If not, I know where to find the answer!
How exciting that you’re thinking about reinstating your taper. Seriously, water taper is the only way to go!
As soon as you’re ready…
July 5, 2007 at 9:37 pm
STOP FLUSHING YOUR DRUGS!!!
This crap is not metabolized by sewage treatment plants. It stays, and it finds its way into our water supplies. The EPA will give instructins for safe disposal.
There are many procedures that call themselves “Water tapers”. Some are just a waste of time. Some actually dump benzos down the drain. Why do that? Isn’t it more sensible to measure what you want to take instead of making a a large dose from which you just dump your cut.
It’s time to do some independent thinking and stop blindly following someone else’s directions!
July 5, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Oh, please… Blindly following someone else’s direction is exactly how I ended up physically addicted to benzodiazepines in the first place.
You are right about flushing the drugs. I just read yesterday that pharmacists can properly dispose of medications one no longer wants/needs to take.
But, how do you suggest decreasing the amount of drug on board by dry tapering? Hmm?? It’s impossible for thousands of people to titrate off of benzodiazepines by dry cutting. The incremental change is too great. I need to decrease by 2.0% a day, not 12.5% that’s possible by dry cutting 1/8th of a tablet.
A waste of time? Boy, are you misguided. I don’t think for a second my getting off of psychotropic medication is a waste of time.
Last night I went from 1.96 mg 1.92 mg. How do you propose doing this without dilution? It’s impossible. Period.
I am glad you posted here. I am eager for others to comment on your superior method of benzodiazepine withdrawal.
Seriously, what do you suggest, being the independent thinker you are?
July 6, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Control Group sounds like he or she might be having a few withdrawal issues right now…temper, temper!
I do want to thank you for the Valium idea. I plan to go to my doc and ask him to trade the Xanax for Valium. I just can’t wait to totally get off of this stuff! That’s another hard part…the impatience…
July 6, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Bloggrrl,
I know… Control Group could use a little Valium in his/her water supply 
Just kidding, but seriously, WTF?
July 6, 2007 at 4:15 pm
One more thing, be sure to read up on the Ashton Manual regarding why the crossover makes scientific sense. Your doctor is probably unaware of the difficulties in withdrawing from short-acting benzos. Be prepared to stand your ground, and also prepared to switch doctors.
It’s that serious.
Good luck with that. Keep me updated, please!
July 7, 2007 at 1:00 am
Another reply for “Control Group”
Water titration is used by people getting off benzo because the manufacturers do not make pills in small enough sizes to allow for the small cuts people need to make. What a person does is to take the smallest sized pill, mix it with an accurate amount of water and then toss the part that they don’t need. There is no other way to do this accurately. It is not possible to measure the exact amount of pill or powder you need to make a .01mg cut from a .5mg pill, so some of the liquid has to be discarded somewhere. Any discarded amount cannot be retained long enough for it to be consumed in a few weeks time. It would possibly be a good idea to put the discarded drug water into a container and when there is enough return it to the chemist for safe disposal.
July 11, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I stand corrected. It is possible to accurately measure very, very, very small amounts of benzodiazepine without doing a water taper.
Here is a link that should please Control Group:
http://balances.com/sartorius/sartorius-microbalance.html
Got $17,000?
July 11, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Another point in favor of water taper:
I would ask [Control Group] what he/she wanted you to do: go on taking the drugs for years and years and peeing (or excreting, if you like, since it may not quite all be peed) it and/or its metabolites straight into the sewage, or pour a tiny bit of it directly now and no more hereafter?
Good point!
July 25, 2007 at 7:06 am
Hi,
I wonder if anyone is still posting here. I have been on Clonazepam (Klonopin) for many years. At first it was for muscle spasms, tension, restless legs. Then noticed it helped with dizziness. Then after drinking when I had the shakes it calmed me. I have always been hyper but I never really had anxiety. Yet now looking back, I’ve developed anxiety and phobias since being ON the meds! I understand about tolerance withdrawal and the addiction. Nobody ever seems to mention the same symptoms I have. And by the way, I have only been on .25 mg of Klonopin but for many years (over ten years) Mostly on, but some periods where I didn’t take any thing. When I was pregnant 4 years ago, I stopped cold turkey. I thought I had a horrible pregnancy, now I realise it was withdrawal. What bothers me is that the w/d lasted the entire pregnancy. Postural hypotension, heart palpitations, easily exhausted, racing heart. During my stressful breakup over the last 2 years and still happening, I upped my dosage for awhile to .25 mg twice a day. Yet that only worked for awhile. that’s when I realised that these meds were not making me feel ok! I did a taper over 2 months and took my last .125mg the day before a trip. I happened to develope a high fever/flu. Went to Florida anyway. Spent two days in the hospital because my heart palpitations were so bad and regular for a LONG period (10 hours non stop every 3rd heart beat) This scared me. They recommended of course to re-start my meds. Also I had started getting food stuck in my esophagus, and developed esophageal spasm. The only meds for that are muscle relaxants, like Klonopin!! I mean, I had to be able to swallow food, as I have developed low blood sugar. I wonder if this too can somehow be related to addiction?? Anyone know? Basically my symptoms are that I get congested, sniff alot and end up hyperventilating myself, to the point, where only taking meds or going to sleep will stop it, or Even I stuff tissue up my nose so I cannot sniff and overbreath!! So I get spinny a lot. And the other thing is that I’ve developed these ‘benign’ heart palpitations, that come and go when they want. But I can no longer workout like I used to years ago. I also get spacey in line ups, get panicked and anxiety, yet I am not an anxious person. Intense and energetic, YES, but I was never this feeble fragile woman. Probably not related is that I seem to be going into early perimenopause with very low estrogen……I don’t know if benzo’s can cause this. And I can relate to the headaches too…..I get them fairly regularly. In fact, I realised that I was addicted to Advils and stopped that about 5-6 months ago. The first two weeks were hell with headaches, and suddenly they subsided!! I’ve only had issues lately b/c I’ve been playing with the benzo, cutting down and plus it’s allergy season here.
Any feedback on my symptoms would be great. It’s really like a personal living hell isn’t it?? The drug that made me feel so smooth and perfect, could it really be the cause of all this grief to me now?? It’s hard to know b/c my withdrawal can take up to a year, or longer. I just think back to how bad my pregnancy was…….that was 9 months off the Clonazepam, and could not wait to take one once the baby was born!!
Thanks for your posts, they are helpful for those of us who need to face these demons and conquer them!
)
July 25, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I should be more complete with all my symptoms, which I am thinking may be related to long term use of Clonazepam. Postural hypotension, heart palpitations, easily exhausted, racing heart, anxiety, sometimes full blown panic even out of a sleep and wake in terror. At times difficulty sleeping. Lightheaded quite a lot, especially when I’m out shopping or something, or in a line up, then the panic comes because I’m afraid to faint in public! I have severe acid reflux, which I’ll bet these helped develope since I have a lax esophageal valve. On the opposite now, I have developed esophageal spasms, cricopharyngeal spasm and food sometimes getting stuck with unco-ordinated swallowing! Recommended to TAKE clonazepam for this, and it does help to a degree. How will I ever quit?! I used to be very athletic, but I’m too feeble now, especially with any exertion, I get heart palpitations, for about 5 years now. I also stayed on Clonazepam and sometimes took more after a neck injury, of course it was clonazepam and advils which would only relieve my cervicogenic migraines. I developed low blood sugar and some kind of intolerance to sugar. If I have it, I get very spinny, racing heart and feel drugged and get heart palpitations. Probably unrelated, but, I have read that when it’s time for your next dose, or your body needs more, adrenaline is released and that releases glucose and anyway, maybe somehow it’s messed up my blood sugar. It’s like I was damned taking it, felt great, but didn’t know I was becoming addicted, destroying my esophageal valve, making muscles dependent on it to be able to relax, messing with my own head. I never knew! I mean, I never took it for anxiety in the first place, and now i”ve got a whole whack of problems and I just wonder how many of them come from long term benzo use. I sometimes get buzzing in my head or my head feels really tight, I feel like I might lose control or pass out if it gets really bad…..go figure taking the meds will stop this to a degree. If it gets too bad, I’ll need advils too.
Can anyone related to this?? Thanks for any input!
July 25, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Also I had started getting food stuck in my esophagus, and developed esophageal spasm. The only meds for that are muscle relaxants, like Klonopin!!
Welcome, Tina, and thanks for sharing your benzo story!
First, about the esophageal spasm, I came across this treatment plan:
Treatment for esophageal spasm includes treating other conditions that may make esophageal spasms worse, such as gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). GERD is usually treated with changes to diet and lifestyle and medications to reduce the amount of acid in the stomach. Medications such as nitrates and calcium channel blockers may also be given to relax the muscles of the esophagus, though they are not always effective.
Botulinum toxin (Botox) is also being used to treat esophageal spasm. Botulinum toxin is a poison produced by the bacteria that cause botulism. When injected into the esophageal muscles—usually during an upper endoscopy—it blocks the function of the nerves in those muscles, preventing spasms.
Swallowing peppermint oil mixed with water may make the muscles of the esophagus contract regularly. Treating anxiety with relaxation and controlled breathing exercises may also help to reduce symptoms.
Rarely, surgery is used to treat esophageal spasm. The surgeon cuts the muscles along the lower esophagus. This procedure is usually performed only in serious cases that do not respond to other therapies.
I don’t see anything about Klonopin as being the only option. In fact, I truly believe that there is always another way to treat issues other than using benzos. I wonder if your doctors are recommending Klonopin because they are really addressing the panic that this choking sensation involves? If you feel more relaxed, the “stuck” feeling may subside. Perhaps you can find other ways to calm yourself when you get “stuck.” But, I know, taking a benzo is so much easier in the short term (but not the long-term, as you already know).
I did have panic disorder as a primary diagnosis, unlike yourself. But, I have read many peoples’ stories over on the Benzo Withdrawal Support Group who, like you, developed panicky symptoms as a result of chronic benzo use. Have you joined this group yet? I promise you, every symptom you have had has been experienced. Here’s the URL for this group. It’s helped me a lot!
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/benzo
All of the symptoms you’ve described, I have had, too (except for the esophageal spasm). But, I do experience difficulty swallowing when I am eating in public. I have learned this is called “globus.” If you Google “globus,” you can learn more about it.
I also have that sniffing issue. I have a lot of post-nasal drip that gets worse at times. Then, I swallow and swallow and get the sensation I’m choking and suffocating. Do you have allergies, too? I am taking two allergy medications each day. It helps with the post-nasal sniff, but not completely. And, I do take a pill for GERD. My allergist put me on it. He tells me that acid reflux can exacerbate asthma-like symptoms.
Finally, your exhaustion sounds very much like me. Before psychotropic medication, I was strong and full of energy. I long for that woman once again. Today, I am almost off of benzos, but I am very tired from the intensity of tapering off the drugs. I am hopeful I will feel strong soon. They say the majority of the withdrawal symptoms are gone within 6-18 months after your final benzo dose. Just so you know, the further I get along in my taper, the fewer migraines I have. I haven’t taken anything for a migraine this entire month. That’s a record!
So, Tina, you are not alone. So many people suffer from adverse effects from long-term benzo use. Just check out the stories on the Benzo Withdrawal Group board. Unfortunately, most doctors don’t realize this fact. Because a small majority of people have relatively few problems tapering benzos, the majority of doctors don’t believe us. I’ve been told my negative physical and psychological problems are due to the fact that I need more (not fewer) psychotropic medications.
Remember, I started out just on Xanax. Years later, I was prescribed antidepressants. Next came the antipsychotics. Then, the mood stabilizers were added.
This is a very slippery slope! Finally, I said, “Enough!” I was tired of feeling sick and tired. Stopping the benzos (and other unnecessary meds) has given me some of my life back. I am certain that within a year I will be stronger than ever! Again, if I had some long-term relief from the psychotropic medications, I would never have stopped them.
You can feel better, too. I know it. Read the Ashton Manual (the link is in my side bar). Talk to your doctors about alternative treatments. There out there.
Good luck! I really hope you feel better soon
July 25, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Hi and thanks for your support! I tend to put myself last on the list of priorities, having a small child and stress from my separated husband, but I am trying to focus on myself. As I mentioned, I did taper off my small daily dose of .25mg clonazepam in Jan/Feb this year, only to have the esophageal spasm develop. I wouldn’t do botox or surgery yet since it comes and goes. And channel blockers are contraindicated with the meds I am going to start trying for the heart palpitations. (which actually can help anxiety symptoms which may help me through withdrawal if they agree with me it’s called Propranolol a beta blocker) My GI doc says this is a progression of my reflux disease, but she’s not a benzo specialist, and I also believe there is always another way. I refuse to have the reflux surgery. I think it may be b/c I’m dependent on muscle relaxants, so when I tried to stop….the weakest link broke! It was quite bad for awhile (few months), it was not due to anxiety per se, but then again, when you always operate at a high level of intensity and stress, maybe we cannot see our real stress and anxiety with clear eyes anymore!!
I have read through the Ashton Manual and had the luck of working for a psychiatrist doing medical transcription where he often described this condition of tolerance withdrawal. But I had even read about it before this, when I first came across the Ashton Manual. He tapered the patients quite quickly though, always in a couple of weeks, but I know that would not be good for me, unless I had something to help me through the rough spots. For example, if the beta blocker helps that would be fabulous and really a good thing to happen to me!
I just can’t start them until I do another heart test which is scheduled in a couple of weeks, to confirm to me that these heart arrhythmias and palpitations really are ‘benign’
I am going to make a plan and commit to it. Lately I find I am more addicted than ever! When you start playing with dosages, ie/ feel good one day and miss a dose or take less, then the next few days you are symptomatic even more b/c of not taking your dose etc. a shock to your body. I have not been taking it steadily or regularly. But I’m intentionally trying to stabilize myself at .25 mg every morning and then I will attempt those beta blockers.
Have you really heard of the low blood sugar and sugar intolerance?? I hadn’t read that I don’t think (the latter) Well, I will definitely connect to that link you sent and do more reading. I will make a plan of action. I want to feel well enough before starting, but strangely, that would take more clonazepam at this point, which defeats the purpose!! I also may wait until ragweed allergy season is over in about 1.5 months. Then I won’t have the added stress of allergies which can itself I find cause a lot of racing heart and stressed body, headaches, dizziness.
Good for you for being almost off the benzo’s. Yes the tapering is an arduous task, painful even.
Good for you for almost being there…..then the real withdrawal starts right?! I can say that at the end of my pregnancy, I may have been feeling a bit better, in the last month, so I’d say the intense anxiety I felt daily, tunnel vision, feeling like the world would fall down on my head when I went out into the open space outside just to go to the mailbox, inner shaking, the heart palpitations etc, started to get better by the end. So If I quit, I only have about 8 months of intense hell to go through!!….;o)
What worries me is the simple things like grocery shopping and driving my daughter to and from her a.m. daycare everyday, since I am separated now. For awhile when I was pregnant, I couldn’t even drive anymore, total panic, had to stop for several months…..crazy!
And then once you get these irrational fears, even when you feel strong, they lay in the back of your mind so that occassionally, the idea or it/anxiety will return while driving and so forth.
Take care and I will take advantage of the links you sent!
July 25, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Hi Tina,
Good for you for making yourself a priority! That’s a hard step. It’s way easier said than done, in my experience.
I took Inderal (propanolol). It worked well when I used it before a presentation in grad school. I stopped it because my regular anxiety/panic attacks did not lessen in frequency. Plus, it made me really exhausted, feeling pretty weak. Then again, that could have been because I had so much benzodiazepine on board.
Regarding the two-week taper: Oh my! I feel sorry for anyone doing a two-week taper of any amount of benzo. It’s just too fast for anyone, even for those people who are hardly affected by the withdrawal. There’s a large faction of people who recommend not adding anything else to the mix when tapering. I can see both points of view. But I think the best method is a very, very slow water taper. So slow the body hardly has time to notice the change in dose.
I went cold-turkey off of Xanax while in rehab. They mistakenly thought that adding Neurontin and Trazadone would help with the withdrawals. Man, was that a mistake. So, based on my experience, adding anything just prolongs the misery.
Actually, for me the most intense hell is/was during the taper. Now, it’s relatively easy, in fact! If one tapers slowly enough, the few months after the final dose doesn’t have to be painful. I am sure you had 8 months of hell while pregnant because you had to cold turkey off of the drug. Next time, when you taper slowly, you won’t suffer so much.
I wish you good news on your upcoming heart test. I would bet it’s fine. There’s a high probability it’s anxiety-related. Try not to worry!
July 26, 2007 at 7:20 am
Thanks HSP!
When I tapered this January, I did it over 2 months. I got through the worst of it and I was proud, so proud. But then the esophageal spasm and cricogeal spasm and swallowing difficulty began, and lasted!! I think it’s a combo of my acid reflux, not taking those meds for a year (damage in the esophagus) and trying to w/d from clonazepam. I do believe that the opposite effect occurs during w/d. So if you take it for muscle relaxants, then your muscles will be overly tensed, for example. I’d like to start a w/d right now, but do not feel stable. I am having a bad allergy problem now with buzzing in head, some dizziness, and my hyperventilating is bad. Low blood sugar exaggerated right now, brings on adrenaline rushes to release glucose. I get weak and I just don’t feel stable/ like myself. I know my dose is so low. Even last night, I took a .125 mg extra b/c of dental appointment and I wanted to be calm for it….well, I couldnt’ sleep all night and I was vibrating inside and tense, etc etc. And I haven’t even started a taper!!
I just dont’ feel that it works for me anymore and I want to feels more stable as I begin this arduous task again. It’s hard also b/c I’m alone with my child, as I am separated and my ex does come by after work when he is not traveling for work, but it’s not like you always have a partner and support for those really tough times, like when you feel faint etc. I worry b/c I’m alone with my child.
The heart tests were done before and they say benign heart palpitations….well, sometimes they are non stop, that’s not normal!! I can’t exercise like I used to years ago, and I want to so badly. I feel 90 when I try to work out, feeble heart, and shaky. Oddly, I have some days where I feel normal! Lately I’ve been more unstable for some reason. Anyway, I’m sure this test will be ‘benign’ too. I know how to instigate the heart palpitations, so I will do all that I can and make as many happen as possible so they have a lot to examine, then if they tell me it’s still benign, I will try the propranolol and start a taper! That’s the plan anyway!!
I’ll bet everyone feels this, but that tight lightheaded feeling is probably very much like a severe tension headache without all the pain, but the pressure and tight feeling and dull ache? Typical I would think. I joined that group you mentioned thank you and I posted some stuff, my id comes up as PT. I will continue to read through this stuff and plan my next attempt. Seems silly for such a small amount, but I feel like I’m in w/d already while taking this (tolerance w/d) and it sucks!
You’re awesome, Tina!
And, you have a great story to share with all of us here and at the other web sites.
Please, continue to share your experience. Many people will appreciate it!
I hope you are feeling better these days, too.
November 14, 2007 at 5:18 am
I had to do a medically supervised detox off Xanax, I was taking up to 10mg twice a day just to feel normal. Got that down to 4mg once a day but just could not go through the taper… So I went cold turkey and nearly had a seizure (which they conveniently do not tell you about when prescribing it) … Which is when I called a Drug Helpline, they put me through to the local hospital’s detox and I had to be monitored (heartbeat, pulse, oxygen in blood etc) and just as predicted, I hit the first “wave” of withdrawal at 5 days, the second at 12. They gave me small doses of Valium to trick my body into not seizing from the withdrawal.
Then I chose to do rehab (for which you had to be clean, no detoxing in rehab, you’re there to learn why you are so prone to drugs, not to get off the drugs) … I learned a lot about myself. But less than two years later, I was an injecting user of Methamphetamine. Go figure? Two completely opposite drugs.
I have been clean off Methamphetamine a year now, because I moved to another country where my partner and I just cannot get the stuff – it is an even stronger hold than Xanax.
I still take Valium and Xanax sometimes. But nothing like what I used to. And no meth now.
Thanks for sharing your story
Dear Jules,
Thank you for sharing your story! Wow! Twenty mg of Xanax daily? Really? I’ve never heard of such a high dose, but I can believe it’s possible. Detox for benzos is usually not the best way to get off of them, but I am glad it worked out for you. Maybe you started Meth because you were just sick and tired of feeling nothing? Chronic benzo use can suck the life out of a person. Were you prescribed Xanax? And for what? I going to guess not for panic disorder? It’s just that I am terrified of drugs, even caffeine, that may speed me up. Interesting metamorphosis you experienced though.
I am happy you are clean now.
February 18, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I’m currently on 1mg Xanax 2 times per day for Anxiety w/ Panic Attacks. I have been taking them for about 1 year and 6 months. Can you show me a Taper from this amount of dose so I may come off of them please. I’m so ready to get off these Benzo’s. Thanks!.
Joe
February 21, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Hi Joe
The Benzo Withdrawal Yahoo Support Group (link in my side bar) has loads of Excel spreadsheets with different doses of various benzodiazepines along with tapering rates, including Fast, Medium, and Slow Taper Schedules.
This is, of course, if you choose to do a water taper. There is tons of info on this site about the whys and hows of a water taper, too.
Basically, a water taper is when you crush the benzo tablets up, suspend it in water, and drink only a small amount.
By using this method, you can decrease your daily dose of Xanax very, very slowly. The slower you go, the fewer withdrawal symptoms you should experience.
Your doctor will suggest a withdrawal schedule for you that’s probably too fast for most people — especially for sensitive ones.
If you decide not to do a water taper, I would suggest decreasing by a quarter of a tablet every 10 days or so. Start with either the morning dose or evening dose depending upon whether you need it to sleep or to function during the day more.
Just remember, not all people have to do a water taper or even taper as slowly as I suggested from my experience.
Some people can taper at the usual doctor’s taper speed.
Listen to your body and adjust.
Please remember that panic tends to get a little worse during withdrawal. It’s normal. Try to hang tough.
Xanax was the hardest to stop for me because it’s so effective in the short-term for panic.
Long-term, it’s not so good.
Check out the Yahoo group. It’s the best place to start.
Best of luck to you.
February 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm
OK, Thank you for the information!.
Joe
Dear Joe,
It’s my pleasure to share!
We must stick together and tell each other what we learn. Joe, you and I (and 1000’s of other people) are really in uncharted territory!
February 27, 2008 at 6:02 pm
hey all..
i stopped taking xanax tapering down to about .15 mg a day like eight days ago.. i stopped taking them 8 days ago today actually.. still feel a little weird but its going away slowly.. i feel heart attacks and eveyrthing.. and i was on like 1 mg a day and i went down to .15 on my own! it took about one to two months.. i just wanted to do it.. it does seem like its getting harder especially reading about it.. now im thinking of tkaing valium to stop all this panicing all day about stupid things.. what do u all think?
Dear John,
Well, that’s a hard call for me. Many people who have seen the other side of the estimated 8-16 month recovery period would tell you to hang on.
Symptoms do get better with time. I promise. And, unfortunately, symptoms also tend to heal and reappear out of the blue. They reappear with less and less intensity, nevertheless, they can return.
8 days is wonderful! Congratulations! Really, I know how tough it is. I got better and better for about 5 months until I hit a really rough spot and (foolishly?) added 2.0 mg of Valium (once a day).
I just had a bad couple of steps backwards and I panicked. I wish to God that I did not restart any benzos, but I did in a weak moment.
Interestingly, the very small amount of Valium (I take it in the morning and leave it at home) has given me a little “confidence boost.” I do plan to titrate off the 2.0 mg soon though.
Just remember, if you add Valium, you are potentially setting yourself back physically and emotionally. But, at the same time, I never said there was any harm in taking a small dose of benzos, as NEEDED. It’s the chronic and indiscriminate prescribing of these meds that enrages me.
Again, Friend, it’s your personal choice. I will support you whether you decide to add Valium or not. And, like I hope you will be here for me, I will be here for you when you later decide to titrate off the Valium.
It’s not a perfect science. We’re human.
Thanks for leaving a comment!
March 18, 2008 at 8:24 am
So HSP Woman,
Are you finally off all benzo’s. Are there any other pills your on?. What do you do as in exercise or breathing techniques to help with your anxiety and panic?.
Joe
Dear old friend, Joe
From August 2007 until about mid-February 2008, I was benzo-free! (Well, except for one or two I took before VERY challenging events).
I was SO proud of myself! The terrible withdrawal effects seemed to get much better except for three:
I had worsening depression.
I became nearly 100% housebound.
I couldn’t fall asleep with taking melatonin.
So, I made a very careful decision to reinstate a tiny amount of Valium (2.0 mg). I had terrible guilt for this decision. I regret it in a way because I know the longer I stay on it, the harder it will be to taper off it.
But, it’s all about honesty here on this blog. I feel more connected with the world again; it helped me get out there again after staying in so long to titrate off it in the first place!
Now, after 4 months more or less, I am ready to start my taper again.
This time, I know what to expect. I will keep you posted!
Also, I started a new anti-depressant medication that has changed my life. I’ve tried so many, and this one has been the ONE that worked.
I will write more later, a post, probably.
I am in a very optimistic state! I promise to share.
And, yes, I do yogic breathing. Yoga is one of my most favorite things to do. I need to do it regularly again. Maybe I will now that I am feeling so well.
Thanks for checking in!
March 24, 2008 at 5:31 am
Your article has been extremely helpful, but during the course of trying to comprehend its contents and other research that I’ve done tonight, I realize that I have a problem.
I was prescribed Xanax around a year ago- w/ the prescription reading: .5- 1 mg at night time as needed. I was taking this pill due to insomnia- and I wasn’t able to sleep due to a consistent rage that was burning inside of me to confront a co-worker who was constantly harassing me at the workplace. I work a night shift (in finance), and things were extremely stressful. Add the fact that I have charges still showing on my background for battery coupled w/ a co-worker who was cowardly using the workplace as a vehicle to constantly harass me and “push” my buttons… and you see the result: the life form that is typing you today.
I’m afraid because I am now taking 1-1.5 mg of Xanax during the past 3-4 weeks in order to fall asleep. I finally came forward to human resources b/c I was honestly intending on harming this man upon his entrance into the work building in the parking lot after the last documented time that he publicly humiliated me in front of my co-workers (roughly 3-4 weeks ago).
I take the pills at least 5 times a week in order to get my desired 7 hours of sleep. I see this co-worker every morning, and my adrenaline rushes as thoughts of physical violence run though my mind. I am much larger than him, and I also realize now that the Xanax has not been “curing” my insomnia/ anxieties at all. It has only been compounding my violent thoughts and behavior. My latest symptoms are indicating to me that I’ve lost my mind. Especially during the weekends (when I try to not take the pill), my symptoms are more severe than ever:
My girlfriend says that I wake up every 2-3 hours when I’m in bed and complain that I’ve just died in my sleep. There is no peace in rest. I saw my brother get shot in the head and in the chest vividly in my dream this weekend. I died twice due to gunshot. I was also shot in the chest twice, and when I closed my eyes, kept walking forward in wanting the death to be over quicker. The final shot to the head left me dead in my most vivid dream right next to my brother. I constantly get into fist fights in my dreams, and wake up in cold sweats.
These are only the violent parts of my mind slipping further from me. My everyday sleep is now more described as a constant “slip” into an alternate universe. An example: March 9, 2008: it is 3:00 am PST and my roommate and I run into each other in the kitchen while getting water. We both work for the same company, and we talk about how we have to reset our clocks and the impact of one less hour of sleep for work the next day. I wake up really confused. I realize that I have not gone into the kitchen. I go on my computer and double check and realize that my computer is updated to the daylight savings time, but my alarm clock has not. These “slips” happen in short intervals of my sleep, and I constantly feel a buzz or a chest jolt- especially on the nights that I stubbornly try to refuse taking the meds before bed.
My everyday demeanor is at an all time low. I am especially aggressive. I try increasing the intensity and duration of my weight routine, but this does nothing for my sleeping pattern. In the past week, in order to combat the thoughts of harming my harassing co-worker, I joined a fight academy. I am nearly kicked out at the end of the week because no one wants to spar w/ me besides the instructors- my rage is uncontrollable. I work alone on the graveyard shift and fantasize about beating him down further while in the office.
I am apt to break out into sweats and panic at thoughts that seem out of my control. I desperately try to mediate or calm myself down, but only seem to fire myself up even worse in the mornings when I have to see him.
The fight academy was helping me cope w/ my aggression during this past week, but during the weekend (especially after nearly getting kicked out of the academy) I have come to realize that I am not myself. I am a walking violence-anger filled self loathing machine. I am not happy. I am extremely depressed. I have everything going well for me in my life outside of my problems w/ seeing my co-worker daily. We have no interaction but I cannot control my thoughts of harming him. I cannot concentrate. My mind is constantly racing. My temper is nearly out of control. I walk the halls at work hoping to run into my co-worker or one of his friends. I have screamed at my girlfriend when she is trying desperately to act as my “therapist” during this time. I’ve yelled at close friends for matters that do not need a raised voice. I walk around in the gym almost hoping to pick a fight.
I do not know what to do right now. I have now even started thinking along the lines of suicide today and tonight, and that was the boiling point as to why I have been researching and have come across your article. I now have realized that the drugs are COMPOUNDING all of my problems. I am aware that I have other issues that need to be resolved, but the drugs are making me at a dangerous threat to do something extreme. I’m afraid of the weekends and now I’m afraid to sleep. I am afraid of myself. I need the pills to sleep during the week. Your posts have been therapeutic for me tonight. Please help.
JMS
Dear JMS,
I hear your pain. I hear your anger. I hear your desperation. And, I am sorry you are suffering so greatly.
Please, don’t turn your outward rage inward and think of suicide. You’ve heard the expression that depression really is rage turned inward?
You have outward rage and inward rage. This must be a terrible place to be.
But, you are NOT alone. There is no problem that can’t be made better by talking with someone qualified to help you.
You deserve to be heard. You deserve to have someone work this out alongside you.
Don’t take the world on alone. I am sure there are many people who love you who would be traumatized and saddened if you hurt yourself or anyone.
Please, please, please. Please seek help. Call a mental health referral system. It’s anonymous.
I wish I could say more, but I am not qualified to counsel you. I can just be here to listen.
Please, be well, be smart, and be resourceful. You deserve to be free of such pain.
March 26, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Does anyone know of any MALES withdrawing from these anxiety drugs?
It seems to me I never read about men going through this. And I wonder why the leading killer amongst women is heart attacks…this stuff can cause one for sure! Read the side effects folks!
Oh! There are PLENTY of men who choose to taper off of benzos. The percentage of men or women who suffer from adverse withdrawal effects is equal, in my experience.
I have read about many, many men having such protracted and acute withdrawal effects.
And, yes, one (whether male or female) should always be aware of any possible side effect from all medications taken. Good advice. Thank you.
May 2, 2008 at 6:54 pm
WOW, I just have to say, WOW! I have been researching as much info as i could get to help me get off of these last 2 mgs of Zanex. I too have been on this crap for 12 years straight and over 25 years ago was given valium from my Doctor for “chronic insomnia” from speedy drugs. It was the eighties, what can i say? Anyway, i can relate to most all of you and especially Stevie Nicks quote. I was also on clonopin too. WOW, I am so tired now from all the reading here but wanted to put up a reply for others because i believe all of our comments have merrit for everyone that’s suffering from a medication/drug that all types of people have been given without knowing it would take them up to a year or so to get off of! And yes, your feelings go numb and you don’t even realize it. I kept trying to explain what i was going through to my partner and all he could do is blame me and not take the time to educate himself or help out from what i told him. My story is very long, so how to say it all here without writing a book?
Anyway, i am now with some slight withdraws off and on after going a bit too fast down from 3mgs to 2mgs in the past few weeks. I also quit 1200mgs of neurontin that i was also on for 12 years which i went back on 200mgs for sleep for now. The docs said i had GAD or bipolar..Umm, NO, i don’t, i have had constant withdraw syndrome!!! This can make anyone crazy after they try and try and cant get off of this crap! The only way is to slowly, patiently tapper off the drug, and listen to “your own feelings” as to how fast or slowto go because everyone is different. Find a plan to tapper then “modify” it to your own persona needs. Time MUST be given because if you go too fast you are left with long term or permanent withdraw syndrome. Better 6 months or a year then years of HELL!!!
Anyway, i am back on a raw vegan diet, meditate daily, keep distance from negative people, isolate, lighting, showers, distance away from anything that may add to the withdraws and you’ll find that you have less or no withdraws as you tapper slowly. I also use 3-6mg of melatonin, Kava, B-12 and magnessium for calm and give lots of love to my kitties ;O). “Every little bit helps” I suggest that people read everything everybody says on here and make up your own plan by slowly tappering off. I know it’s a bitch, but do you want to live with major protracted withdraws for years? I did!!! (10 years to be exact!), and now 20 odd years later i finally found out that it was the damn BENZOS that did this to me and robbed me of 20 years of my life! Yea, I’m a bit pissed, but also happy that i will have the chance to be free of this crap soon and hopefully many of us can get a huge lawsuit against the PHARM companies and doctors who gave this stuff like candy out freely. This drug should NOT be on the market at all! There are many other drugs to help people through a rough patch in life if needed that bad that won’t put you in a cycle of protracted withdraws or years to get off off of the drug. Not even herion takes that long to get off of from what i read.
And, guess what??? everywhere on the NET they are selling ZANEX…Don’t buy it unless your doctor cuts you off while you need some to taper down. I saw some people on U-Tube that were stuck in their homes 4 months still in withdraw! All because this has not been blown up largely enough as a huge way to addict people. Just look at every other TV commerical these days….a drug for this and a drug for that. I say, NO to drugs and yes only if i need surgery or a rare case in which you want off as soon as possible. As for BenZossss, Just say NO! It’s not worth your life.
Good news is: You CAN and WILL get off of this IF you do it right. You can’t avoid some discomfort while you slowly tapper off. Sometimes you may tapper a little too much, well then go back up a bit to where your just a bit uncomfortable. When your used to that dose then your ready to lower again. This is the ONLY way to get off for good. Cold turkey leave you a mess, IF you can even get through it and is NEVER recommended, NEVER. That’s just how it is
Sorry people, i wanted to be a bit more organized and say more, but I’m exausted, and happy to have found this site.
2mgs to go and I’m home free for the first time in over 20 years since i got this crap from my doctors!
Dear Kino,
I think you really should write a book!! You have a lot of wonderful insight to share. I really appreciate hearing from you.
May 24, 2008 at 5:21 am
What a great blog, definitely bookmarking. I just started taking Klonopin for sleep to banish night terrors that I’ve had for seven years. My doctor recommended it over Xanax for it’s longer half life. Though, after reading your post, I’m wondering if Valium would be a better alternative?
Welcome, Vince 
Xanax’s half-life is MUCH shorter than Klonopin’s, and Klonopin’s half-life is MUCH shorter than Valium’s. Valium is really long-acting. Your doctor seems to have the right idea, but still Klonopin isn’t as long-acting as Valium.
I would only question as to why he/she is prescribing a benzo for chronic night terrors. Clearly, something needs to be addressed (besides to benzo or not to benzo). Have you had a complete neurological work up? Are you addressing these terror in therapy?
From my experience, benzodiazepines only intensify night terrors/nightmares in the long run. It is not the best medication for your challenge (IMHO, as a layperson, of course).
Please, reconsider NOT continuing a benzodiazepine for long-term treatment of a long-term issue.
But, just to be completely fair, my horrific nightmares were somewhat less while on Valium as compared to when I was taking Xanax and Klonopin. Less bloody and gory… but still nightmares by anyone’s standards.
I wish you sweet, restful sleep soon. This is one area I still deal with, too.
Thanks for sharing.
June 8, 2008 at 5:00 pm
My doctor’s prescribed me 5 months ago Xanax for anxiety. When I found that I was increasing the dose very fast (like in two months daily use), to 6.0mg daily, I just cut from 6.0 to 2.0, then “Cold Turkey”. This is my 2nd day without them Im just having tremors, and I feel anti-social (I dont wanna get out of home) and lack of sleep (actually I just slept 2 hours in two days)
I believe I can get rid of them now that Im on vacation at home, lets see what happens. But now I feel more comfortable knowing the suffering is part of detox.
I will be right back to this blog in a week and let you know how Im going .
nice support blog
Dear Rex,
You write:
I was increasing the dose very fast
The same happened to me (and countless others).
I fully support your need to get off Xanax, but, please, do slow as slowly as possible. About a 10% reduction per week is what works best for most people (meaning the least adverse withdrawal effects).
So, for you, 10% of 6.0 mg/day would be about a half a milligram a week. This is what worked for me and so many, many others.
Don’t allow yourself to suffer anymore than you must! I feel for you. I support you, but please be cautious.
Thank you for your updates. Be well It gets better with time, I promise.
June 10, 2008 at 4:36 am
4 days im just feel anxious and with lack of sleep (last night I just slept 2 hours)! But I know it take time. Is not an easy way to do it but here I am..0mg..
I will be right back( on this bog) in a few days
Congratulations!!
No one has ever died from lack of sleep. You will fall asleep sometime. Maybe for a while you’ll sleep in short increments, but you’ll sleep. Try and let go of this “fear.”
Yes, it takes a lot of time. They say most withdrawal symptoms go away after 18 months benzo-free. I found my thinking MUCH clearer rather quickly. I started to add melatonin (2.0 mg) each night for my sleep issue.
I appreciate your checking in! Good job!
June 11, 2008 at 10:22 am
Day 5… Less anxiety, maybe cuz I was prescribed with “Neurontín” 300mg, and it help with the muscle tension and pain and is ant-convulsive. More sleep. I stil fear anxiety in parts of the day and I feel very very anti-social, I dont wanna get out of home… until withdrawal end.
Hi there, Rex,
Another day passes… Great job! I felt super anti-social (even with my husband) for months and months while I was tapering. Don’t worry. Once you feel better, you will be more sociable because someday soon, you will start gaining energy! It takes energy to be sociable!! Be gentle with yourself.
Just curious, why did your pdoc add Neurontin? For sleep? For quieting the withdrawal symptoms? Is your doctor aware your tapered off the benzodiazepine?
Some people do well by reinstating some benzo if they cut too fast, restabilizing, then tapering once again but this time very, very slowly. This eliminates the need to add another hard-hitting psychotropic like Neurontin. When I cold-turkeyed off of Klonopin, Xanax, and Effexor, my pdoc gave me 1,200 mg of Neurontin. I wish I could say it worked for me. I felt like I was floating on the moon. I couldn’t even sign my checks to pay my bills… I wish I had just reinstated the benzos and proceeded to taper slowly. I feel I suffered more by adding Neurontin. But, again, remember this is only my experience. Everyone’s different. The addition of Neurontin may just be the perfect thing for you.
Please, I’ll be interested to hear more about it all.
Hang tough! You are doing very well.
June 11, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Day 6.. I sleep well last night, a coupple of hours. I can eat, move, go out (at least for long minutes in my car yesterday) . Im just having pure anxiety all day, worst than before prescription, but i’m NOT comin’ back to xanax
June 12, 2008 at 1:53 am
Dear Rex,
Can you describe what you mean when you write “I’m having pure anxiety all day…”?
Let’s see if we can figure out if it’s purely a withdrawal symptom or totally pre-existing, or both.
Yes, I agree with you about the Xanax. It’s not the answer for chronic anxiety. Not at all.
I hope to hear from you again soon. Be well.
June 12, 2008 at 8:35 pm
DAY 7 and Im getting better! Thanks to all who has posted and shared his experiences, makes me feel better!!
Answering (54)-
My doc prescribed me for my withdrawal symptoms (He is aware I wanna quit xanax) but, he also added Clozazepam to the cocktail, another benzo, wich I refuse in the pharm, now I have to explain the pDoc why I didnt pic “Clonazepam” (I know he wanna use it to switch, change and reduce but not my style, hehehe), I dont wanna another benzo (as I read in a lot of resources like this blog, are highly addictive).At leats on me, the low dose “neurotin” has improve my body movement (not to sit or lay in my bed), elimination the pain and sometimes it give me 3 hours of sleep. I hope is not addictive two.
dear HSP Woman;
….about anxiety all day (in my case)
About pure anixiety, is the little anxiety that you migh feell at some parts of the day, like if something bad gonna happen, very similar when you are going to take a College Test, a Fisrt over the Sea’s Plane”, but ALL day. I was disgnostic with “Anxiety-PostTraumatic disorder”. Before xanax I had some flashbacks and then the panick attacks… thats why doctor prescribed me Xanax, after a few days, Panick Attacks gone away, but I was increasing to high the drugs and one day my prescription end two weeks before, was a hell.. I didnt report at work (my psychiatrist gave me a two weeks certified) was a hell, but I made it, i get back to xana cuz I need to work.. So this is my 2nd attempt to cut the addiction.
But with “xanax withdrawall” that old small anxiety is bigger and stay in my ming worst than before prescription… is the only thing affecting me right now! BUT Im going to hang there and just wait Thanks for your support!! You are very friendly people
Dear Rex,
Xanax withdrawal is not easy for the majority of people.
We need people to realize this before they start taking it chronically, like we did.
Informed consent is all I ask.
You, too, seem very friendly. You mentioned your native language is not English? Where are you from originally?
One more thing: because you mention you have PTSD, I believe (and I am not a doctor), that you had some significant anxiety before taking your first Xanax.
This means there is a high probability you can expect the anxiety to return during withdrawals IF (that’s big IF) you haven’t done anything else (like therapy) to control/accept the anxious feelings.
Many people suddenly develop panic and anxiety for the first time during withdrawal from benzos. In such cases, the anxiety will likely dissipate within 6-18 months after the last benzo dose.
People like us, Rex, who had anxiety before need a different problem solving method to either reduce or accept (or both) the anxiety.
-HSP Woman
June 14, 2008 at 1:48 am
More than a week off Xanax. I’m just feel anxiety in some parts of the day, and VERY DEPRESSIVE. I dont know why but I never felt that kind of depression, I lost interest in things that I enjoyed before. (Before Xanax and with Xanax). I hope it goes away…
About anything else Im almost normal (I can sleep, eat, walk outside of the house or even using my car)…
Im only using Neurotin 300 mg/ day
Hello, Brave Rex,
First, a hug of encouragement. I, too, had profound depression (and physical exhaustion) before, during, and after my taper from all three benzos I was taking (Klonopin, Xanax, and Valium).
Being physically, mentally, and emotionally (and even spiritually) “beat up” will of course cause depression. It’s frustrating that when we finally get off the stuff we are sometimes even worse off.
But, this will pass!!
You will gain more strength as your body heals. Your brain needs to learn how to function without being bathed constantly in benzos.
You will heal, but it takes time, time, time…
Keep the faith. One thing that I remember soon after my last Valium dose: my short-term memory became sharp as a tack for the first time in 18 years of chronic benzo use.
That, in itself, is encouraging. Encouragement and depression cannot co-exist.
Wait for those flashes, those windows of clarity, that will appear without warning. You’ll praise the day you got off the meds.
-HSP Woman
June 16, 2008 at 7:32 am
Sorry Im using your blog HSP, this gonna be the last one at least for a few weeks. Not ok news (I guess), I missed the Cold Turkey, I was on My Psychiatrist today and he want to prescribe me to another benzo “clonazepam” cuz he believes the xanax rid off will be more easy,..but I dont want a new benzo in my system, so Im back to Xanax but just 2.5 mg a day and every two week cut half miligram. Im feel ok right now. Im just dont want to depend on Xanax all the life cuz I was on other street drugs before, but Im cleen all of those, so I dont wanna increase again Xanax. Anyway, I hneed to have a self control the same way I did in the past, but believe me, xanax is the hardest drug to kick, but I think I can do it more easy going slowly as you suggest me and m doctor suggest. Thanks for your feedbacks! gOD bLESS U ALL,
REX
p.d. thanks for helping on spelling, english is not my Native language
Hi Rex,
Remember, clonazepam (Klonopin) was the only way I could get off my daily 3.0 mg or so of Xanax. I took more Klonopin to help with the PROFOUND Xanax withdrawals.
Then, I took ANOTHER benzo to get off the Klonopin: Valium.
Xanax is nearly impossible for some people to taper because the half-life is so short. Your doctor has the right idea about transitioning you to a longer acting drug like Klonopin.
Even better: transition over to an equivalent amount of Valium directly from the Xanax.
0.5 mg of Xanax is roughly equivalent to 10 mg of Valium (according to Dr. Ashton’s Manual — see the link in the side bar and be sure to verify this equivalency yourself). I think 2.5 mg Xanax is equal to about 50 mg of Valium.
I think you should consider crossing over to Valium and THEN tapering VERY slowly…
The Benzo Support Withdrawal Group (link also in side bar) is the very best resource for slow benzo tapering.
Please, do think about your doctor’s suggestion as that he/she is on the right track. But, bring him/her the Ashton Manual and suggest Valium would be a better drug to crossover to from Xanax.
Oh, and hey, you can leave a comment here anytime! Your story may really help someone else.
-HSP Woman
June 21, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Im just 2mg at bedtime…
Im doing fine??
You are doing just fine. As they say, “Slow and Steady Wins the Race”!
-HSP Woman
June 25, 2008 at 2:17 pm
1.5 and 0.5 clonopin.. 10 mg ambien at night (if needed)
Is working fine
next week 1.0 xanax and 2 times a day 0.5 clonopoin
thats whats my Doc recomends me (I have enver take clonopin before but can’t be worst than clonopoin to withdrawal right?? or am I wrong??. He encourage me cuz Im almost out of Xanax, he said he was surprised how fast I decrease from 6mg to 1.5mg..
he said in a month and a half I can quit the Xanax with some little withdrawal effects (never similars to cold turkey)
and stil working to go on zero (.0)
Hi Rex,
Okay, seems like you and your doctor are working a plan together.
I could not tapering from Klonopin by dry-cutting the pill; I guess I am very sensitive, and I had been on it for 16-17 years!
I just had to crossover to Valium and do a VERY SLOW water taper to finally get of benzos for good.
The water taper method is easy and logical. I suggest you check it out on the Benzo Withdrawal Support Group (see link in my side bar).
One more thing: PLEASE be careful about taking too much Ambien for too many days. I started taking Lunesta about two months ago, and now I cannot stop. I am physically dependent on something again… UGH!!!
Try using melatonin instead of Ambien. Try 2-3 mg and see if the melatonin can make you sleepy.
Hang in there!
-HSP Woman
July 1, 2008 at 7:23 am
Ok Im totally off of Xanax. Took 3 weekes. A good achievment right??.0 xanax!!! I was on 8mg on December 2007)
Ok, now the “no good news” Im on 1.5 daily clonopin (daily/3 times), and 20mg of ambien, (yes 20). Doctor told me getting rid of these medications is as easy like eat a chocolate cake, very easy. For him, te hard thing is Xanax and Im out so he will be more fucused now on clonopin. I think he swith me from one drug to other……
lets see in the next week what happen
thanks HSP Woman for letting me use your blog
Hello my friend,
First, good about no more Xanax. I thought you’d be up to about 1.5 mg or 2.0 mg Klonopin by the time you finished.
Again, it was NOT easy to get off Klonopin for me. I HAD TO CROSSOVER TO VALIUM. Have you read Ashton’s Manual? I can’t recall if we’ve discussed it. If not, please do. Please, please do read it.
And, I am afraid my caution about Ambien came too late. The exact same thing has happened to me. Getting off Ambien in NOT like eating chocolate cake. This ignorant comment from your doctor is going on my top ten list of stupid things doctors have said about psychotropic medication.
Really, I am shocked.
I will suggest one final time (as I am sure I sound like a broken record): if you cannot EASILY AS EATING CHOCOLATE CAKE withdrawal from clonazepam, then stop immediately and reconsider crossing over to Valium. Then, with the NINE DAY (more or less) half-life of Valium, you will SUFFER LESS. You will have a better chance at SUCCEEDING!
Trust me. You and I seem to have VERY similar physiology and similar experiences. Try tapering the Klonopin first. Only after you are off the benzos, THEN taper off the Ambien.
Tapering two things at once is a recipe for failure, IMHO.
Good going so far! You are making progress.
-HSP Woman
PS: Sorry about the CAPS. I was only trying to really emphasize these points!
July 3, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Past three months I have been using xanax. I plowed through my hundred .25 script in under two weeks, and got a refill which went quicker. Past month I’ve been buying xanax bars and dissolving under the tongue / blowing them like crazy.
2-3 2mg bars a day and maybe two blue 1mgers.
Since its only been three months, is cold turkey going to be that bad?
July 7, 2008 at 1:39 am
Hi Kenneth,
Wow! You are really taking too much Xanax. Are you self-medicating anxiety? Social anxiety? Panic attacks?
Let me calculate: 100 tablets in two weeks… That’s seven .25 tablets a day or just under 2.0 mg/day.
Then, the next refill went even faster. What did your pdoc say? Did this raise a red flag for him/her?
Now you are buying off the internet? I am not clear on how you get bars and blue ones from the pdoc. Can you clarify?
Okay, now to answer your one question: would going C/T be “that bad.”
Maybe, is my answer.
Remember, there are a few people who can C/T off benzos. MOST people cannot, even after a couple of weeks at a small dose (like 0.5 mg Xanax/day).
I would NOT RECOMMEND going cold turkey after abusing benzos for three full months. The manufacturers themselves state in their inserts that these meds are only meant to be a short-term treatment.
I am not sure why you are taking so much Xanax, whether it’s purely recreational or that you need it for severe anxiety.
If it’s for fun, believe me, getting off of them won’t be so fun.
I hope you find some peace soon. I hope your withdrawal isn’t painful no matter why you are taking them.
Please, do get some professional help. Please. Your life is too valuable and I’m sure you are loved.
-HSP Woman
July 7, 2008 at 2:45 am
HSP Woman! Thanks a lot for all the feedbacks, blessings and knowledge to helping me and another to quit benzos.
Im from Puerto Rico (born in Brooklyn spent time there 6 years, Florida then 2 years and later back to my island
I 30
Im gonna read the Ashton Manual because I have read on the internet good things about it and offcourse, you recommend it!
I still on 1.5 Clonopin (o.5/ 3 times a day) and 20 mg of Ambien at night (I have taken ambien before, but this time tlerance increase very fast, but thats ok, I just wait to my next refill)
I told My Dr. (male) about switch from Xanx to Valium, and he refused because he say Xanax and Valuim has almost the same life in the body, and he wants a longer one, thats why he switch me from Xanax to Clonazepam. Im now only on Clonazepam, and just to test, I stop Clonazepam suddenly (to know how are the effects of withdrawal cold turkey of them, to see if gonna be more easy than xanax) I was wrong, your body is ok until about 24 hours later (the other day), then you experience the very same withdrawal effects that xanax thats brings after 6 hours of not using it.
So, Im out Xanax, but now Im a slave of Clonazepam, is like we say here “he just undress a saitn to dress another one”
Today, Im going to cut very small clonazepam, I will try to take just two dose (0.5 in the morning, 0.5 afternoon and ambien 20mg). Im 6′1 tall, another fact.
The doctor say about ambien is a way cleaner to not use benzo to sleep, and addiction of ambien can occur but is not highly addictive as a benzo and for him, is ok to use ambien for sleep until the training he offer me about “auto-hypnosis”
Thanks HSP Woman, I read your story how you crossover to valium and thats why I told my Dr., but, he refused the Diazepam, but Im pretty sure, this is my goal, in a few weeks be out of Benzos, then try to get of ambien (I have read rebound insomnia is worst when ambien is out after weeks of use)
Thanks!!!
God Bless
Rex
Rex,
Your doctor makes me mad.
Ambien is not “cleaner.” It’s just as addictive as benzodiazepines. I’d try the hypnosis first. There is also an online sleep program recommended to me. I haven’t tried it, but I heard good things about it from my sleep-specialist doctor:
I know how much it sucks not to be able to sleep.
-HSP Woman
August 5, 2008 at 9:04 am
After one week with no medication (wasn’t that hard like my last “cold turkey week), Im back to xanax (I throw away clonazepam), but now using 1mg daily of xanax (0.5 morning, 0.5 evening.). Has been a coupple of days using this small dose, there are days that I use less (like 0.5 in the morning only) and I function very well..
..from 6mg I was, Im now 1mg daily and Im not feeling I have to increase the dose, actually my goal is going to zero,
seems like Im almost there… (I was on 6mg daily few months ago)
Im not using ambien but I planning to use again 10mg when get out of xanax completly.
Lets see if next week I can cut a half miligram of xanax! (.25 morning, .25 evening)
Im making my best! But I promise to me, and for other sufferers that you can get rid of xanax with determination like HSP did.
Regards!
Bless
Rex
September 4, 2008 at 5:28 am
Hi. Im doing fine but not clean at all. Im still around 1mg- 2mg xanax daily. There are days that I takes none, but no two or 3 days in a row..
Im in a slowly track but it can be done
Hi Rex,
Yes, it can be done, you are right
Do you think you can find another doctor that may be willing to switch you over to Valium (diazepam)? You know, if not, you still have the option of doing a water taper with the Xanax. That way, you can get lower and lower without pain.
Have you joined the Benzo Withdrawal Support group? I am not sure. Let me go back and re-read your comments. If not, please do. And, once you get there, read about water titration.
It worked for me, so I hope it will work for you.
Hang in there.
-HSP Woman
September 10, 2008 at 9:53 am
First, thanks for starting this blog, it is very encouraging reading all the responses here. I have been through xanax withdrawals once a few years back and it was probably the worst 2 week stretch i can imagine. I was taking between 8 and 10 MG per day and stopped cold turkey only because they no longer became available to me. So on to this time. I started last October taking .50 at night to go to sleep, was doing that for a few months, then went up to 1MG, still only at night. The earliest i ever taken one up to this point was around 10 pm. In the last few weeks, i have started to take 1MG at 8pm and 1MG at 11pm or midnight. Now my body has become dependant on it. Everyday i feel the need to take the pill a little earlier, yesterday, i took 1MG at 6:30 pm and the other 1MG at around 11 pm. My head starts to feel foggy earlier and earlier each day, so i know now is the time to start getting off these stupid drugs. My main question is would it be good to switch right over to valium at this point, and taper off the valium slowly and just throw the rest of my xanax out? Is that even an option at this point? Any help is much appreciated. I just dont want to go through the same thing i did last time, im already getting dizzy spells at some points during the day, all up until i take that pill for the 1st time.
Dear Benzosuck,
I wish everyone could read your story. It’s just like mine, too.
For so many people, taking just one 0.5 mg Xanax tablet at night is a very dangerous beginning. Like you, I had to slowly add more. I had to start taking it earlier and earlier, just like you.
My advice is to absolutely crossover to Valium. Dr. Ashton has an equivalency table on her web site (address is in my side bar).
That way, you can have more and more time in between doses without having such bad withdrawal symptoms. That is what you’re having, as you know. Interdose withdrawals is SO common when taking Xanax. Doctors are wrong if they say no one can have withdrawal symptoms on such a low dose!
You and I are living proof!
I feel for you. Truly, I do. I know EXACTLY what you’re feeling when you feel you need to move up the dosing time.
Take a deep breath. It will get better. I promise. Try the diazepam crossover. Like I told a poster above, it was the ONLY thing that worked for me. I never could have gotten off Xanax and Clonazepam without the Valium.
-HSP Woman
September 10, 2008 at 9:58 am
Also, if anyone wants to trade email addresses to talk and try to help each other, feel free to email me at pierrepoodle1@yahoo.com. Hope to get some feedback soon so i can resume my normal life again.
Thank you. I encourage people to contact you.
We need all the support we can get.
-HSP Woman
September 10, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Well, i went through with my plan and got rid of my xanax. 1st day went semi-smooth i guess, i took a 10MG valium at 4pm, another one at 830pm and a 3rd one around midnight. Right now it is 330am and hopefully i will be going to sleep soon. I am hoping to take 30MG of valium per day and gradually decrease my dosage. Cant wait til the day im benzo free…Thanks to HSP woman for having this site. I am determined to conquer this addiction that has come of me and have full confidence that i will do just that.
Oh, great news!
I am so happy for you. Good going. I know it’s hard.
And, thanks to you for sharing your experience. Please let me know how you are managing the taper. Are you doing the water taper?
-HSP Woman
September 21, 2008 at 10:28 pm
My mom’s been addicted to xanax for about 6 years now. Her life’s ruined and it’s bringing me down with her. She’s been in a 30day rehab twice and ithasn’thelped her at all. the only wayi think my mom is evergoing to make it is through what you did. I wish you could come here and help her because you experienced exactly what shes experiencing. i’ll try to get her to read this. thank you
September 21, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Dear Riley,
Benzos cannot ruin someone’s life forever. They have power, but we cannot give them that much power.
You are good to write about your mom. I am sure she would be grateful.
Tell your mom, detox/rehab centers are not the best way to taper off of benzodiazepines. I know. I tried detox/rehab, too.
Tell your mom it’s very possible to get off benzos forever. Tell her to have hope. With some good advice and patience, and a kind support system like a therapist (and like you!), she can do it.
Or at least she can get down to a reasonable, non-painful, amount of drug, if necessary.
Chronic benzos for some people are dangerous. Some people experience terrible inter-dose side effects. Not everyone, but a significant majority.
Which drug is she taking? If it is anything other than Valium, I highly recommend she does a Valium crossover first. Then, after stabilizing, she can do a very slow water taper.
A water taper is a method that is very slow and precise. It helps lessen the potentially horrific side effects.
But, I know, the cold-turkey taper your mom experienced in detox was the worse it will ever be. IT JUST CANNOT GET WORSE. I promise.
Be supportive of your mom right now. It’s so very hard to get off these meds. We can turn into irritable, mean, grumpy, depressed, anxious, unpleasant people.
But, it’s not because we don’t love our families with all our hearts.
Please, as a first step, download the Ashton Manual. Dr. Ashton is the best doctor when it comes to benzo withdrawal.
She wrote all about it, and has shared her work on her web site for free.
Her address is in my sidebar.
Good luck. Be strong. It’s only temporary.
Life on the other side of chronic benzos can be beautiful again, or beautiful even for the first time.
Thanks for sharing, Riley.
-HSP Woman
Edit: I see it’s Xanax you mom is taking. Please, it is very, very difficult to taper off Xanax by dry-cutting (making the pill smaller by cutting it with pill cutter). Xanax has a very short half-life meaning after one takes it, it doesn’t stay but a few hours in the body. When it wears off, the pain of the withdrawal can be devastating. Please, read the Ashton Manual about crossing over to Valium. Try hard to find a doctor to support this crossover even if you have to go to a dozen different doctors to find one who will support your mom in the very best way for her.
September 24, 2008 at 10:21 am
Well, its 2 weeks later and i am currently down to 15mg valium per day. I take 5mg at 7:30 pm, another 5mg at 10:30 and the last at around 1:30…Within the next day or 2 i am going down is dose again, im thinking of eliminating the middle dosage all together. So far it has gone semi smooth i guess, a couple of little rough patches along the way, especially the 1st couple days without the xanax(even though i was substituting the valium for it) Some dizzy spells here and there and feeling a little foggy are my 2 main symptons so far. But my short term memory is better now without the xanax, and will only continue to get better. I know i am going a little ahead of pace for the taper, but i am doing this without prescriptions, so i must make due with the pills that i have left. I am still expecting to hit a bigger rough patch when im out of pills, but it will be nothing like the xanax withdrawal, because by then i will be down to 5mg of valium per day. Special thanks to HSP woman for starting this blog, it has helped me tremendously.
September 24, 2008 at 10:54 am
Hi Benzosuck!
Good going!
I am very glad you crossed over to Valium. Xanax is so difficult to taper. It’s short half life really exacerbates the withdrawal effects.
When I crossed over to Valium from Klonopin, I also had a lot of dizziness and fog. And, Klonopin has a much longer half-life than Xanax! I can just imagine how you must feel going straight from Xanax.
I think going from 5 mg of Valium to zero may be too fast. I know I could have never done it.
So, I have a suggestion. A modified water taper, when you get down to your last 5 mg.
Day One: Dissolve 5.0 mg Valium in 100 ml water. Shake vigorously. Drink 80 ml, save 20 ml in the refrigerator. Your total dose for the day will be 4.0 mg if you drink 80 ml.
Day Two: Repeat. Now, you will have 40 ml saved.
Day Three: Repeat. Now, you will have 60 ml saved.
Day Four: Repeat. Now, you will have 80 ml saved.
Day Five: Drink the 80 ml of drug water you have saved. This will be equivalent to 4.0 mg of Valium.
So, in five days, you’ve only used 4 tablets. And, you’ve lowered your dose to 4.0 mg from 5.0 mg. This is a more gradual taper which means fewer side effects!
Day 6: Dissolve one 5.0 mg tablet in 100 ml water. Drink 60 ml (this will be 3.0 mg Valium). Save 40 ml.
Day 7: Repeat. Now, you will have saved 80 ml.
Day 8: Repeat. Now, you will have saved 120 ml.
Day 9: Drink half of your saved solution = 60 ml = 3.0 mg Valium.
Day 10: Drink the other half of your saved solution = 60 ml = 3.0 mg Valium.
So, after 10 days, you’ve used only 7 pills. That’s one way to stretch them out if you have a limited supply.
And, you will experience less withdrawals if you lower your last 5.0 mg slowly with the water taper.
I had to take my last 2.0 mg tablet and do this. It took me months to go from 2.0 to zero Valium.
Maybe you can speed your taper up a bit, but still, I highly recommend not going from 5.0 mg Valium to zero.
Note:
When you “dissolve” your Valium in the water, here’s what I did:
I smashed the pill very carefully with the butt-end of a butter knife.
I carefully added the 100 ml of water to the powder.
Then, I used a hand mixer to agitate the mixture. But, I think if you shake the mixture hard enough, you can use your hands to mix. Finally, I drank it and put the extra drug-water into the refrigerator.
It will stay for 4-5 days in the refrigerator without a problem.
Good luck! Thanks for the update!
-HSP Woman
September 27, 2008 at 10:34 pm
thanks for the advice HSP woman, but i dont think i can do the water taper. I just have a mental block that i have to see the pill and take it or i think it will not work. Sounds wierd, but it is true. So tonight, i lowered my middle dosage from 5mg to 2.5mg and it has gone smoothly so far. I took 5mg at 8pm, 2.5mg at 11pm and 5mg at 2am. I will do this for a week and then cut back another 2.5 and see how it goes. Also, i just added to my limited supply so i can go through with this process at a gradual rate.
October 9, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Well, i am on my 3rd night of 10mg per night now. 2.5mg at 8pm, another 2.5 mg at 11pm and 5mg between 1:30 and 2am…so far so good, just a little rough patches here and there, thats about it though. This way of doing it is sooooo much better than staying on xanax i cant even begin to describe it. Much thanks to HSP woman again, cant thank you enough.
October 9, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Hi there, Benzosuck!
Nice to see you again.
At first, I thought the same thing you do about the “mental block” concerning taking a tablet versus drinking a drug water mixture.
Let me tell you, after my first water taper dose, I felt a significantly greater medicated feeling than when I took a tablet.
I even blogged about it. I was amazed that the drug water made me feel even more benzoed-up (my new word, I guess). Meaning, I felt more relaxed, drugged.
So, in my experience, drinking the water taper drug water was even more effective than the tablet. I never felt like I didn’t have enough drug on board. I felt even more assured that I was getting every molecule of diazepam because I knew it was all there suspended in the water.
I wasn’t losing any little bits like when I tried to cut the pills with a pill cutter. Whenever I do that, inevitably, there is some pill that turns to dust and I can’t take it.
Second, I am SO HAPPY that the crossover to Valium from Xanax is working for you!!
This is great news!!!!
And, thank you, for sharing your success with anyone who may stumble upon this little blog.
I hope our experiences can encourage others not to try to taper off of short-acting benzos like Xanax and Ativan without first crossing over to Valium.
-HSP Woman
October 20, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Tonight i start another lower dosage cycle, i am moving down from 10mg to 7.5mg….2.5mg at 8pm…..2.5mg at 11 pm and 2.5mg at 1:30-2am….I have a feeling these last few cycles will be the hardest, as i think HSP woman pointed this out a few times already, but my mind is set and so far i have not once had to go up in dosage at all, so i am pretty confident in beating this…I think i have it 90% beat and i can see the finish line in sight….Also, where is everyone else that has posted on here? This is a great site started by HSP woman and very helpful for people who want to rid themselves off these drugs. The more success stories the better it is and also easier for other people to start getting off these.
November 2, 2008 at 3:26 am
I never had a problem on Xanax. I’ve been on benzodiazepines for 20 years and Xanax was the least sedating. I had problems on 0,5mg t.i.d. (interdose anxiety) but that is a subtherapeutic dose when it comes to panic disorder. My psychiatrist increased my dosage gradually until the panic attacks stopped, which was 1mg q.i.d. I have no interdose anxiety on this dosage.
Coincidentally or not, my depression also disappeared and I have a new hobby because I have a new zest for living (I took up photography).
It is extremely rare for anyone to develop tolerance to the anxiolytic effects of benzodiazepines. Tolerance develops to the sedative effects, which is expected, but not to the anxiolytic (anti-anxiety) effect. There was even a 10 year study on Xanax which revealed that to be true.
I am of the opinion, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. If Xanax works for you and you are panic-free and depression-free, don’t monkey around with your dose. Just stay on it.
If you get more panic attacks, then talk to your pdoc about a dosage adjustment. It could be that you need more, or that you need more counseling..or even just a vacation instead.
I’m no fan of pharmacotherapy, but if it’s working for you, take it and don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t let others make you feel guilty and certainly don’t let your doctor strong-arm you into going off of it.
Good luck to all of you.
Paul
November 4, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Everyone has their opinions and like you said, if it works it works. But every single person i have seen on xanax, no matter what the dosage was, 1 of 2 things happened. Either they were a walking zombie and could not function normally or hold a conversation….and they all had to up their dosage in order to function. If they took xanax off the market tomorrow, it would do nothing but benefit everyone. It is not supposed to be a long term drug anyway. Nothing good comes from this drug unless you use it here and there.
November 4, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Just to update my progress…..friday i will being to decrease my dosage of valium from 7.5mg to 5mg…Again, thanks to HSP woman for starting this site and hopefully everyone is doing well.
December 2, 2008 at 11:53 am
I only read through the first couple dozen posts, but let me add:
NEVER, NEVER EVER quit benzo’s cold turkey if you use high dose/frequently.
They cause your brain to slow down; if you cold turkey your brain cannot handle the change and you can have a fatal seizure. You MUST taper down the dose, slowly, and get off of them. Cold turkey is playing russian roulette with your brain.
December 5, 2008 at 6:18 am
I am now down to 2.5mg per night, i take it between 1130 and midnight. But during the course of the last few days, i have been battling dizzy spells throughout the day, and they seem to be getting a little better each day. I was just wondering if this was normal for anyone and how long this lasts before i can walk without feeling shaky. thanls for anyone with info on this.
January 2, 2009 at 9:02 pm
i am new here and i am very nervous, i have big problems , i found out i was pregnant two mths ago or two and half , we didnt know if we would keep it, i got stressed , found valium, i was on valium low dose for about four or five weeks, stopped for two days, decided we want the baby i am 38 but now i want the baby, i had to get an hiv test and freaked out as i am an addict, embarrased to say, i havent used iv in yrs but havent had a test either, i am also on subutex which is a no no with benzos , i am also on probation, when i had to get my hiv test i freaked and bought benzos xanax and was taken one to two mgs for about two weeks now, i took my last today, and i am scared, i am afraid i will have a seizure or something, and the baby will die, if i tell the obgyn i am addicted , they may try to put me in rehab , then probation finds out, also the subutex dr will, i have been on low dose benzo for about two mths and a week now, i dont know what to do, i have been so freaked out reading on the internet for days and that is all i do worrying about this, i bought valerian root mellanonin today and gabba today to help me tomorrow, i am really scared and have noone to turn to sorry for being so long winded ashla
January 6, 2009 at 2:09 pm
hi i am now on day five and will say that it wasnt so bad, but i dont want to do it again, the thing that bothered me so much was how everything was so big , so real , so loud, so smelly, lol i feel a little loopy yet loud noises kind of made me jump, but i hated this stupid drug and i wanted of, and i wasnt on to long, if i was on longer , yes i would have wanted tapering, but my doc just said stop and i did (the obgyn) i felt guilty for smoking a little to much during this, but i am gonna start watching that starting tomorrow, i felt bad also not eating much so i have started trying a little more every day, i even drank a pint of milk today, i cleaned my whole apartment, which from being on the benzos was disguisting cuz i was so lazy and didnt care, i still have the phone of the hook and not really going outside but to throw garbage out, but i feel better alot, thankyou all
January 25, 2009 at 6:04 am
hi here is my story. i was on xanax for 6 years with dosage of 4mg daily , i coulndnt let my home without bills i crried them in my pockets, in my car, in my laptop bag, in my office , i couldn’t be in the elevator without them . i passed through horrible times i faced tens of panic attacks , i fight with my mind for the dark ideas such as being afraid of HEART ATTACK , i heard my mind thinking , the music keeps repeating in my mind ,i got panic when the road is crowded , i used high blood pressure medication ,
,,,, OH MY GOD ,,,,
then in one day i decided to stop this hell ( i remember it was 10 mar 2008 ) , i made the decision to start decrease my dose slowly and slowly (without doctor help) , it took 3 months till the first day without XANAX (it was the greatest day in my life 14 jun 2008 ) , then i started to suffer from withdrawals symptoms such as horrible HEART BEAT i couldn’t sleep because my Heart was strongly beating , also bad disorder and strong headache , hearing thoughts i mean YOU CAN HEAR YOUR MIND THINKING , also some rhythms or songs keeps forcefully repeating in your mind , i walked down on the streets keep holding my breath expecting something bad to happen AHHHHHHH ,
but i fight all my fears i stayed beside the people i love i used the arabic herbs tea which helps me a lot to overcome the hellish symptoms , AND I AM HERE !! HUMAN BEING BACK FROM HELL , but I’m still having small problem of SHORT TERM MEMORY , BUT I’M OK
and because i know what is the meaning of quit XANAX , I’m ready to help any one want to STOP XANAX.
i create following e.mail to help: xanaxhelper@gmail.com
February 5, 2009 at 2:41 pm
hello again everyone, just updating my progress again. my last post was on december 5th and at that point i was down to 2.5mg. I really dont remember the date, but i know it was after new years that i stopped completely taking valium, so to be safe i will say january 10th. As of now i do go through some rough patches during the day and night, also i feel dizzy at times and it seems to be getting better very slowly. I also feel a little wobbly and foggy at times during the day, it seems to come and go. I was just wondering if anyone had any input as to how long this lasts. My sleep pattern is messed up but i am not worried about that, i am more worried about feeling normal again. Any info would be greatly appreciated and i thank you ahead of time.
July 1, 2009 at 6:36 am
Hi, I wrote a post on here back in November 2007. I am finally organising my bookmarks – I found this page and here I am revisiting. I’ve read a few people’s stories and comments that were left after mine – particularly moved by the post from JMS – and your response.
I’ve found a site that delivers Xanax to my door – and I’m back on it again – it’s so damned hard – I decided to buy some to see if the service of ordering it delivered worked – when it did, I couldn’t believe it and I (having the tolerance I do), chowed through the first delivery so quickly. I took it at first to knock myself out to get long nights sleep between employment – and now I’m back to taking it to “fight it”, the “fun” part of a Benzodiazipine drug for me, enjoying it, rather than taking it for its intended purpose.
I was acquiring credit card details from various sources and using them to buy from this online site – so so wrong. Stealing for a habit. Please don’t dob me in for confessing this – I am not doing it anymore, but I am still buying the stuff with my own debt now increasing due to it.
So now I’m not working, I take 10mg in one go now, mix it with a few Gin & Tonics in the evening and watch endless movies, create artwork and entertain myself until I wake up in the morning, usually in a very uncomfortable position, groggy but well-rested. The cycle starts again. I’m back in the cycle I went to hell (de-tox & rehab) to stop – WHY!!!!!!
The worst thing is, sometimes, because I take so much at once, I then go and take more – but I don’t remember doing it. I’ve had to start counting the pills in the bottle, writing the count and the date on the lid, promising that if I take any out, I will re-count them and date it/note when I took more – but this has failed as I forget that I am meant to do that once I’ve already taken 10mg and go back for more in a state that I can’t recall.
So I’ve had probably 50 deliveries now, each of 100 or 200 1mg tablets at time. My husband knew, unfortunately he likes the stuff too, but knows better than to take it as regularly as I do – so does not suffer the extreme withdrawals that I do/am/can/want to avoid/can’t avoid/make excuses not to avoid.
I tapered right down for a while, god it was so so so hard, with the help of my husband stashing them away from me when I got a delivery – which I gladly welcomed (for a while, when I realised I have a problem again), I got down to next to nothing (maybe 1-3mg once in the evening, depending on my perceived “need” to get to sleep), then eventually got down to going two or three days without any at all – then I’d get REALLY shaky, paranoid, hear voices, sweat, chilly, sweaty, chilly, anxious (not even ironic, but it does have the effect of INCREASING the exact reason its prescribed in the first place once you decide to come off it – anxiety)… twitchy, tears, fear that someone was breaking in etc… just so hard to completely taper off.
My marriage is now under a lot of stress – husband had to move to another country to start a prestigious new job, whilst my visa to marry him is STILL keeping my passport with the government body responsible for Visa processing – and therefore withholding my ability to get employment/move to join him as planned. My husband is aware I still have the habit, but being so far away, us having separate credit cards – what can he do? Only I can help me – and as it is, I am now unsure of joining him/our marriage, which has just past the one year anniversary. I thought I had life settling and sorted at age 30, soon to be age 31 – but no. I’m in a right mess. Xanax is fun for me – and ultimately at the end of the fun, I “sleep” (more like just pass out as soon as something stops keeping me interacting, like conversation or a movie or internet) – and sleep is good because then I don’t lay here thinking about how I’ve f**ked up my life. I’m a million miles from my home country, no income, no means to an income til they process my Visa, an unsteady marriage, no direction, no job, no I.D even! NOTHING. I know I’m taking Xanax to avoid thinking about it all.
But HOW I let myself get back to such high doses – you were incredulous at my tolerance in my first post.
Here I am again, back in a 10-20mg a day habit because I’m bored, stupid and I can. Luckily, I’ve confessed to my housemate the issue, and now he at least moves me to my bed when he sees I am on the verge of passing out/falling into a very deep (unmoveable) sleep on the lounge. Sometimes he’s successful, other times he just cannot move me, despite trying his very best. If it weren’t for a stair case, he’s said he’d carry me to bed – I trust he would, and I trust he does his best to help me, but I know all too well I can’t remember a damned thing on the stuff (this is part of the reason I love/hate the drug) – I’ve even given him some so he can understand that I am genuine when I’ve been telling him how I can’t remember what I said/did etc. 2mg knocked him on his backside, I couldn’t move a grown man twice my stature from the couch, so I took a photo of him sprawled across the lounge, then again of him when he’d roused himself and made it to his bed – he remembers only to a certain point in the movie we were watching, despite being awake until the end – he cannot remember the ending, nor the conversation we had about the movie. He was shocked at seeing pictures of himself passed out, about not remembering conversation (which I recorded on a dictaphone) about the movie etc. He remembered none of it – and now understands my memory blanks.
I am glad I have someone who knows I have a problem again – and has been open to the idea and actually taken the tablets once to experience – to BELIEVE ME – and my protests that I honestly can’t remember stuff once I’ve had the xanax.
So I have support – but only I can stop this horrible cycle – AGAIN.
I’m so angry I’ve ended up back here. I don’t dare tell a Dr as I don’t want to be labelled a Drug Seeker – so I keep ordering it off the website I found – every single order that arrives I swear it’s to taper off them – but I don’t. My credit card bill is suffering. My self-esteem has rotted.
UGH.
I need help but I can’t tell a Doctor, I can only taper – and if it’s in the house and I know where it is, I just can’t help myself. And I know I can’t go cold turkey, I know this as I tried and nearly had a seizure (hence the medically-supervised de-tox in a hospital back in 2004) … so there has to be SOME in the house, and now I feel stuck in a cycle I can’t break – I’m considering going to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings, but transport is now an issue from the little village I now have to live in (rather than the central part of the town I was in whilst my husband and I were affording to pay rent as a couple/before he went overseas to new job – hence me living with a housemate/friend in the mean time)
Maybe my housemate can drive me to NA meetings – but in the mean time – I just don’t know what to do.
RUT.
STUCK.
IN. IT.
AGAIN.
I am a fool. Sorry to offload. I am grateful this page still exists. Thank you for listening.
September 8, 2009 at 5:48 am
So I came to your blog to see what has been happening in your life, read this post again, and saw my own comment that I don’t remember making.
I don’t remember withdrawing from Klonopin, although I did, since I used to take it. I don’t remember only being on one mg of Xanax. I do remember going to the ER in December and being given 4mg of Ativan. That stuff grabbed ahold of my brain instantly.
Now I’m trying to get off of it. I’m at 3.5 and it has been very hard. If I don’t remember getting off the Klonopin, it was nothing like this. Either that, or my memory is worse than I thought, and it is BAD. I can’t believe I forgot about all that.
So here I am again, trying to get off of this stuff.
I wanted to ask you how you are feeling these days, if you feel that getting off of it has been worth it, that kind of thing. Am needing encouragement…
Hope you’re doing well.
September 15, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I was addicted to Klonapin and the withdrawal was hell. I now take xanax so I can sleep instead up staying up all night manic. I might be addicted to it but it’s better than taking anti-psychotics. When this manic episode ends (over 16 months long so far) I will get off the xanax.
I had cut my dose in half but then a big stress hit me and I had to go back up to my orginal dose. I believe in cutting the dose when ever possible. Otherwise every time you have an episode they up your dose until you are at the maximum dose and then it’s drug cocktail time. That road leads to hell.
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May 23, 2007 at 3:45 am
Woo Hoo, I hear you. I am so glad I flushed the rest of my Xanax. Fortunately my “fear” of addiction has kept me from taking any of these drugs for very long. This is the one time my fears were justified.
Good Read!!!!
Deb
http://cagedshadow.wordpress.com