Being a Panic Attack Support Person
Posted by: HSP Woman on: June 11, 2007
- In: anxiety | anxiety attacks | benzodiazepines | panic | panic attacks | panic disorder | things that work | Xanax
- Comment!
I was pleasantly surprised to come across this video while surfing the blogs last night. I think, however, we as panic sufferers can enhance the message.
Take a look at the video through the following link:
First, the positives:
• How great is it that someone actually made a video about panic attacks? I was overjoyed to see that panic attacks are seen as worthy of a director’s attention. Bravo!
• I like that the video is geared to those people who have panic attack sufferers in their lives. This video could be a great first step for the partner or friend of a panicky person.
• I agree with breaking down the panic episode into very manageable steps. Although I don’t agree with everything the narrator said, I can see how this video could give “support people” a few more skills to help loved ones.
Step 1: Establish the Cause
This is not as easy as the narrator believes. I can see if someone starts panicking because of a disturbing television program, or if there is a scorpion in the kitchen… By all means, turn off the set, remove the scorpion, and get the person into a new environment.
Changing scenery can help a great deal. But, really establishing the cause is usually quite difficult and takes years of therapy. Triggers exist everywhere.
Also, the narrator addresses only a handful of symptoms. One of the major ones he omitted was the intense urge to escape. I cannot believe that a panicking person would just readily sit on the couch and not try to move about.
My added advice: learn your partner’s symptoms before hand. Knowing his or her panicky symptoms can help you identify the episode as a panic attack (rather than something else).
Step 2: Reassure the Person
Okay. I like this step. It’s very important to reassure the panicking person that it’s ONLY panic. Unlike the narrator states: panic is NEVER dangerous. The video states that panic attacks are “normally quite harmless.” Again, this is not exactly correct.
Panic attacks are ALWAYS quite harmless. (Despite all of our creative What Ifs!)
Yes, they are uncomfortable and exhausting, but you cannot die or go crazy from a panic attack!
I’d also like to note here, that as a support person for someone with panic disorder, it is imperative that you remain calm. Never panic because someone else is panicking. Try to be soothing and underreactive. Both energies are essential here.
Finally, I am not convinced that “remaining still” is the best option during a panic attack. I personally like to metabolize my adrenaline by stretching, doing some jumping jacks, going for a very brisk walk. It helps me get over my panic.
Yet, some people swear their recovery from panic attacks started the day they just remained still while panicking.
Whatever helps you is the best option. But, as a support person, I suggest never grabbing, holding, or gently restraining the panicking person!
Very few things horrify me more than having a panic attack and trying to retreat from the situation only to have someone holding me back from leaving.
Step 3: Get Breathing Under Control
This is good advice, but I’d just skip Step Three and go straight to Step Four — the counting breathing technique. No one would ever be able to help me with my breathing by telling me to “breathe!”
Another point that’s left out here is that many people (myself included) do not overbreathe or breathe too rapidly. I am one of the few people who holds her breath when anxious or panicked.
This is why I will start yawning and sighing incessantly when I panic. That’s my body’s natural way to help regulate my carbon dioxide levels.
Step 4: Try Counting Breaths
Again, I like this technique. In fact, I just bought one of these nifty devices to help me learn this skill. (It’s great, but more on that later!)
Step 5: Try the Paper Bag Method
Oh no! Not for me. Paper bags are HUGE triggers for me. One of my biggest panic attacks happened while I was donating blood. I just had to get up (not so easy). This was during my first year of panic disorder, so my skills for coping were practically non-existent. Too bad I couldn’t reach my purse for my MAIN skill (taking Xanax).
Also, it was too bad that the nurse completely panicked when see saw me panicking. She screamed for help across the crowded room, rushed to get a paper bag, and forced me to breathe into it.
I’ve never donated blood since.
Another proof why it’s essential that the support person remains calm and soothing in the face of panic.
Step 6: Stay with the Person until She Recovers
I also agree with this step, but not for the same reasons the narrator suggests. I gather from the video that the narrator believes that one must remain with the panicking person in order to protect him or her from stopping breathing.
First, this could never happen!
During a panic attack, there is no way a person will stop breathing and be in mortal danger.
So, I suggest that you stay with the panicking person to help reassure him or her it’s just a panic attack, nothing dangerous at all.
Step 7: Seek Urgent Medical Advice
This is the first step I would beg you NOT to follow. Waiting only 15 minutes after a panic attack begins to call 9-1-1 is too (way too) soon. I’ve had panic attacks last for hours. The last place on earth I would want to be during a panic attack is in a sterile, cold, unsympathetic, crowded emergency room.
Many people do go to the ER during their first panic attack (or even first few panic attacks) because they are so frightening. But, I believe very few people seek urgent medical attention during after their 20th attack.
It’s just not necessary to seek urgent medical advice after 15 minutes (or 2 hours) if you already have established it’s a panic attack.
I’m sure I’ve omitted some helpful suggestions. If you’ve had a panic attack, it’d be great if you would comment on this video and offer some more advice to our “support people.” We are the best source of information!
I know that anything I tell my husband about how to soothe me during an attack helps him help me. Being a support person for a loved one during a panic attack must be overwhelming!
I think this video’s intent is commendable. The more information we can give to support people in our lives the better.
What do you think?
28 Responses to "Being a Panic Attack Support Person"
June 12, 2007 at 12:13 am
Hey there, Hymes.
Someone walked away from you? It probably wasn’t clear that you were having a panic attack, and how real and intense they are on both the physical and psychological levels. Now that I think about it, I can see how I seem very “unfriendly” during one. I can see why you would go for it alone — I have always been the same way (except for my husband since being married). No one else (except for family) has ever seen me have one!
But, if a particular person is versed in “how to help,” I am sure that he or she could really support you during one. My panic can really escalate if I am left to my own (very creative) imagination, so it’s helpful to have my husband recite a few key phrases again and again. He’s like a broken record, and that’s just what I need at that moment.
But, you know what the experts say… There really is no “safe person” — we are our own “safe person/safe place.” That’s hard to wrap my head around, but I am learning to feel more comfortable with the concept each day.
Having said that, I do think there is a big difference between a “safe person” and a “support person.” Safe people don’t exist, support people can (with a little training!).
Nice to hear from you again. Thanks for your input!
June 12, 2007 at 4:33 am
it was hard to get myself through this. seeing this poor woman struggle made me anxious and slightly panicky! also, it sounds like an airline security video, doesn’t it? i was waiting for them to start mentioning the floating device under the seat any second!
why a panicky woman and a reassuring man? if women panic more than men (do they?), why not another woman? i do realize there are really only few choices (man-man, man-woman, woman-man, woman-woman), but it bothered me to see this poor girl being clutched by this (admittedly sweet looking) guy.
none of this helps with me. not the breathing, not the paper bag (my breathing is just normal), certainly not the thought that i should be calling 911 if i don’t snap out of it in 15 mins.
the paramedics might help someone, though. if what helps you is having someone around with authority, someone whose word that you are doing fine and nothing will happen you are more likely to take, then i don’t exclude that might be a good idea. i have been seriously traumatized by paramedics, so i would be totally stressed by having them around at this point in time. i would feel terrified, in fact. it wasn’t always like this, though. before i got terrified, i felt the presence of people who “knew what they were doing” reassuring. also, i liked to be fussed over (blood pressure machine, stethoscope, all that jazz).
i don’t know what helps me, really, except the thought that, if i take a couple mg of xanax, the panic attack will go away — eventually. i know this doesn’t work for you, HSP, for reasons you have explained repreatedly on your blog.
you know what really bugs me? that we’ve gotten to a point that we need to make little videos to make sure people practice common-sense kindness. is this the kind of people we’ve become? that we need an educational video to instruct us not to walk away from someone in obvious, painful distress? it sucks. it really does. (i’m so sorry, hymes, your family would walk away “in disgust” from you while you were panicking as a teenager! horrible).
here’s my proposal for a new important instructional video: how to deal with someone who’s crying. 1) offer tissues, 2) pat on the back, 3) make a cup of tea, 4) say “there there,” 5) don’t leave until the person feels better, 6) call parademics if crying doesn’t stop within half an hour.
June 12, 2007 at 3:58 pm
I definitely learned that panic was something to hide, ditto crying, so I got very good at hiding it. I’ve overcome the fear of someone seeing my crying finally, but hadn’t really thought about how much I hide my panic until I read this post. Gotta love my gynecologist though–the first time I saw her she asked me how I was and I said “Terrified”, just that and nothing else, she was and has been terrific with me ever since. I think she is a hypnotist in another life. All to say it might be helpful to share my fears sometimes with other folks.
June 13, 2007 at 12:15 am
you know what really bugs me? that we’ve gotten to a point that we need to make little videos to make sure people practice common-sense kindness.
AMA, you’re so right. It’s very sad. But, some people still don’t have a clue about what is a panic attack! From this point of view, a little education could be beneficial. 
But, you’re so spot on about the need to be taught how to be sympathetic and helpful… Oh, I would still prefer no emergency people to be involved even if I was crying for 30 minutes. That happens to me frequently. After a big cry, I just collapse from exhaustion. When I wake, I feel slightly better.
Great suggestions and insight! Thanks.
June 13, 2007 at 12:22 am
Hymes, I totally agree with your suggestion to share our feelings of discomfort. It can make an unbearable situation bearable for me. For example, my hair stylist — I have surges of panic go through me each time I see her. Finally, I kind of explained it to her — like how nervous I was. She’s never experienced it herself, but she was so open to helping me feel the most comfortable I could. She opens windows near her station so I feel like I can get more air, she helps me schedule appointments during a slower time, or whatever may help me.
I have tried so many years to hide it also. It’s very tiresome to fake it. And, finally, I don’t for a second believe that admitting to panicky feelings is equal to giving in to it. I may or I may not have panic attacks for the rest of my life. Today, I am becoming more at peace with this realization.
I guess I lied, manipulated, and made excuses in the past because I thought it was a temporary thing. It’s not, but that’s okay, too, no? 
June 13, 2007 at 6:33 am
your comment about talking to your hairdresser and not hiding your panic is so nice!
with no evidence whatsoever one way or another, i still do not believe one can be panicky for life. no way. you need to bring me at least 3 convincing first-hand witnesses for me to consider believing that.
i guess i do believe that, for some people, some things will always trigger panicky feelings, to greater or lesser degrees: that’s the definition of phobias, and we all know it’s hard to eliminate phobias. but being panicky more or less all the time, for life? no way, no way.
June 13, 2007 at 6:59 am
What a great post and the video was an added bonus, it is so hard to tell people how to help through a panic attack.
I have suffered agoraphobia for the past 19 years on and off and its hard to find well written blogs/webpages on the subject.
Thanks
Ruby
http://myagoraphobia.com/
June 13, 2007 at 8:08 pm
I don’t expect to stop being a person who has high anxiety in my lifetime. By now though, it’s part of who I am, and when it’s not out of control, it can even be a strength in getting me to get stuff done or face something I don’t want to face etc. A friend/colleague who had never met my dogs visited last week and it was so funny–she had assumed my dogs would be anxious since I’m anxious, she was so surprised by my laid back hound dogs that she finally had to tell me why she was laughing .
June 13, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Well… hmm… Okay…
I love your instructions, can’t quite say the same for the video. *sigh* Why is that? I always get the eebie jeebies when something is exaggerated, and the video is so overdone.
I know they do this for effect, and maybe it will help people who have no idea what panic attacks are like.
Sooo… heh, I’m putting on my Polly-Anna hat now… kudos for someone taking the time to think out what a panic attack looks like, put it together in a video, and share with others.
But again…. I love your instructions way better.
and … teehee… not to make light of anything, but to seek urgent medical attention – the thought of going to an emergency ward or even my doctor because I’m having a panic attack is sure to trigger the very next one.
June 14, 2007 at 1:52 am
with no evidence whatsoever one way or another, i still do not believe one can be panicky for life. no way. you need to bring me at least 3 convincing first-hand witnesses for me to consider believing that.
Gosh, AMA, I hope you are right. If not, that’s okay, too. Still, I want to keep the faith! But, what if (since I don’t really leave my house) I can’t find but only two witnesses? Could you count as one?
June 14, 2007 at 1:58 am
Hi Ruby! (I love this name, by the way…)
19 years, huh? Someone after my own heart (me, I’m at 18.5 more or less). Seriously, though, it’s great to hear from you. I look forward to reading up on your blog. I visited it quickly, and it looks great.
As one agoraphobe to another, thanks for sharing your story, too.
I am so amazed each time I find someone else with the same issues. I really thought I was unique in this aspect. So many years suffering alone (except for my wonderful and very non-agoraphobic family — They do try to understand, but it’s not the same as someone like you hearing me….)
Do you have any advice for panic attack support people? It’d be great if you had any suggestions! 
June 14, 2007 at 2:03 am
By now though, it’s part of who I am, and when it’s not out of control, it can even be a strength in getting me to get stuff done or face something I don’t want to face etc.
Hi Hymes! Very true… This is also sort of what I tell myself to make my OCD feel more positive to me. Without a little OCD, I wouldn’t be the dedicated, conscientious, very hard worker I am!
Really, I would be a prize employee if I could just get out the door every day!
June 14, 2007 at 2:09 am
not to make light of anything, but to seek urgent medical attention – the thought of going to an emergency ward or even my doctor because I’m having a panic attack is sure to trigger the very next one.
Hey, A&A –
So you’re just like me! I just assumed most panic-prone people had medically-based phobias/triggers like me. But, AMA was insightful when she mentioned some people may feel reassured by the authority of the medics, etc. when faced with panic.
Once again, I see how this strange challenge manifests itself so differently, yet still has the same effect…
June 14, 2007 at 7:52 am
as usual, i expressed myself poorly. one can totally be panicky for life — in the sense of being a panic-prone person, or a very anxious person, or a person in whom panic attacks are triggered very easily. i believe that. please don’t take my comment as denying anyone’s experience!
June 14, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Hi AMA
Are you aware that sometimes when you leave a comment, your name is not linked to your blog (and your avatar is missing as well)? Hmm… Just so you know!
And regarding your comment about expressing yourself poorly — heck, no! You write so well. I didn’t think that you were denying anyone’s experience! I guess I am the one who writes poorly if that’s what you thought I thought! Hee, hee!
Isn’t communication via comments just peachy? I wish we could gesticulate in the comments section!
June 17, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Hi. Thanks for visiting my blog. All my support!!
Un abrazo
Miguel
June 18, 2007 at 12:45 am
Hola Miguel,
Thanks for your support. As you can see, I posted a photo of my alopecia. I got a lot of courage from reading your blog.
I feel much better having written about it. It’s been (unnecessarily) such a dark secret for so long.
Great to hear from you!
August 28, 2007 at 9:57 am
I agree on it being sad that people now need a video on how to practice common-sense kindness.
The being held back or paperbag breathing has never helped me at all. My main instinct during a panic attack is to ESCAPE! If I feel someone’s keeping me from doing that, I get more panicky.
There are a couple friends I trust to support me when I’m having a panic attack. They reassure me that it’s only panic, breathe with me and count breaths with me and also do what helps me most of all – let me hold onto them and hug/hold me if I ask for it, but when I move away from them they let me go. They don’t panic, call 9-1-1 or try to take me to the hospital.
I don’t agree with the “establishing the cause” step in the video. My panic attacks stem from having survived a violent attack and the triggers for them can be anything from someone crowding me to certain scents. Sometimes I’ve no idea what the trigger was and it doesn’t help at all to try and figure it out! Otherwise, I think the video wasn’t bad and definitely had its heart in the right place.
August 28, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Hi Nicole,
Great to hear from you. Your friends sound ideal! That’s so liberating that you’ve been able to share your needs with friends who, in turn, really seem to support you in good ways.
Reassurance, counting breaths, hugs when needed — these are exactly the same things I need. Isn’t it funny? I think I am so unique when I panic… Hardly, it seems!
But, like you said, it’s true that the video is better than nothing. Many people seem to find my blog through the search terms “Helping Someone Who’s Having a Panic Attack.”
People really care, I think. It gives me hope.
Please, stop by again. It’s nice to share with you.
August 12, 2008 at 2:02 am
I have horrible panic attacks,and just had one in flow blown mode in the middle of the night and woke up in it. It lasted about 9 hors. I was so exhausted , that I was a zombie for the next 24 hours. I am on xanax and that is the 1st huge one I had since being on them, but even after taking a couple to settle me down, I just couldn`t. Very wise to say NO ONE ever try holding anyone down.Thats what happened to me on my 1st attack. Yes, don`t go to the hospital as the will committ you into the mentl ward. linda
Hi, Linda
I am so sorry you had such a long episode. It is very exhausting, like you said.
I send you lots of positive energy. Remember, next time you have a panic attack, you are not special, crazy, the only one, etc… Many, many, many of us have had huge panic attacks. You and I and everyone else has survived. Why are we so frightened by them then?
You are not alone. Be well.
-HSP Woman
February 23, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Hi, I’m 16 and I’ve been having a panic attack for a few hours now. For some reason I cannot reassure myself that it is just a panic attack, and whenever my mom tells me to calm down or to drink tea or something like that, I shoot it down. Breathing exercises helps, but only for certain panic attacks. My panic attack started in the middle of my English class, and ever since its fluctuated from bad to good. Now I have a mild headache, some weird buzzing sensation in my head, and it feels like there is pressure in my head. It feels like I’m congested, without the ucky mucus.
Some of these suggestions really helped, but now I’m in a bind. I’m supposed to go to school tomorrow, which I’m terrified about. And if I stay home, I’ll be all alone, since my mom will be working until 4. Today I stayed alone for barely thirty minutes before my panic attack grew worse. Any help?
February 26, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Hi Jen,
SO sorry not to get back to you sooner. I hope you’re feeling a little better now.
Panic is like a wave. Always. 100% of the time.
It surges, crests, and then, like a wave on the beach, dissipates. The key to riding out a panic attack is to realize logically that the panic wave is time limited. Guaranteed. It will build, peak, and release. Always, 100% of the time.
What I do is ride the wave…. I tell myself that the adrenalin released when the wave starts to build takes only about 3-5 minutes to metabolize. That’s it. Promise. The issue we panicky people have is that we add fuel to the fire, so to speak, by adding MORE adrenalin by scaring ourselves into believing the FIRST adrenalin release is somehow dangerous.
SO instead of floating with the first wave, we add strength to our little wave until it’s a tsunami almost! But, even a HUGE wave will break and dissipate. Panic attacks are never dangerous and never forever. THEY ALWAYS END. And, no one has EVER died from a panic attack.
No one has EVER gone crazy from a panic attack.
No one has EVER fainted from a panic attack.
There are some wonderful books out there that you may have read already: Anything by Claire Weekes, Edward Bourne, and (my absolute favorite) the ACT books on Anxiety
Remember, your body will always move even if it’s anxious. Your legs will always carry you, your mouth can always speak for you, your hands can lift and open doors. Even in the midst of a panic attack, you CAN do anything.
Why? Because our body was designed to panic throughout time (evolution) for a reason, to save our lives! If we couldn’t panic, we couldn’t jump away from a moving car, a falling bookcase, whatever!
Panic is your friend.
It’s not something to fear. Don’t add scary, what if thoughts when you start to feel shaky or nervous. Just say, okay, that’s the adrenalin working. But, here I am safe, in English class, no danger…. Then float with it, knowing it will peak, and dissipate within 3-5 minutes.
You’re body will relearn what is real danger and what is safe. Help teach your body it’s okay, and that you’re safe just where you are. You are your safe person. No need for your mother to be at home because why? Again, panic attacks are time-limited, and they are NOT dangerous.
I have spent 20 years realizing this. You are so lucky there is the internet in your life when this has started happening. I didn’t have any support. I had NO idea what was happening.
I support you and send you lots of healing energy. Jen, you are a strong, young woman. Get the ACT book on anxiety. It can change your life! Also, the Bourne book. It’s great, really great, too.
Thanks for the help. They’ve actually gotten better, but that was after I had to go to the ER. We were at a noisy restaurant, and I couln’d help but to panic for NO reason. And it got worse when my parents started to get upset about it. Finally I was on the verge of not being able to breath, so I stormed out to the parking lot and paced back and forth, unable to stop. My dad drove me to the ER, where I stayed for 3 hours. The doctors had to warm my arms up with heated blankets because my temperature was dropping since the panic attack was so bad. I almost became hypothermic in a room that was 71 degrees warm. The whole ordeal was utterly terrifying, made worse/better by the fact that I went to the ER. Ever since I havne’t had such a bad panic attack. In fact, they’ve just about gone away. I’m much happier now, and I’m being more active in my life because of my full blown-out panic attack. I’ve taken up archery and I’m helping my friends build a snow fort outside. I’m drawing a heck of a lot more, and much better. In the end, I think having panic attacks wasn’t such a bad thing. It teaches you to value your life, and never to waste a second lest the worst actually does happen.
March 16, 2010 at 10:37 am
Hi Jen,
I am so glad to hear that you are doing the things you value and enjoy in spite of having feelings of discomfort! Good for you! This is one of THE keys for me to finally getting on with my life after 20+ years of hiding from my panic attacks.
Your attitude is wonderful. I am so proud of you. Lots and lots of panicky people go to the ER. I never did only because I knew they were panic attacks from the start. My mom was a psychologist and I was studying psychology in school. I had the classic signs. I did immediately see a psychiatrist, and he confirmed it. SO, I knew. I knew they would pass with time, no matter how terrifying they seemed. Now, I think you’ll remember that, too
Remember, your anxious arms and legs, your cold arms and legs, and your shaky voice and dizzy head will STILL move you forward. Your body was DESIGNED to panic. You can still eat in a restaurant, build snow forts, draw, everything and anything you want and value and still be anxious.
Try to make room for the anxiety in your heart. Try to accept it instead of fight it. It helps. I did that yesterday at the post office, usually one of my biggest fears. I started to panic because of the long line of people, then I said to myself, “I can still stand with wobbly legs. I can still fill out forms with shaky hands. I can do it.” Soon enough I had done it, and beautifully too!
You’re doing great. Thanks for checking in! Way to go!
I haven’t had a single panic attack since the last post. I’m really happy about it. Thanks for the support. Whenever I feel a little anxious, I can finally convince myself its only panic and harmless. I do walk out of my History class every now and then when we are watching an R rated war movie, just so I won’t set anything off. I want to keep with the smooth sailing as long as I can, cuz the longer, the stronger you get. I check up at the local clinic every month or so now, just to be sure everything is on track. I’m proud to say that out of the 17 Lorazapam 1mm pills the doc prescribed me, I’ve only used 5, and the last one was towards the end of February. I hope to spread the word to anyone else with panic attacks. I’ve gotten over that hill now, so I want to help other people get there too.
April 7, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Hi Jen! Great news!!! You are on the right track. A panic attack is NEVER EVER dangerous, NEVER!!
It is okay to retreat now and then, just as long as you return to the “scene” ready to face those what-ifs and uncomfortable feelings.
This is SO important: to return. Avoidance is what makes a mild panic attack case into a 20 year case like mine.
I have learned that the body doesn’t learn by words or logic. It ONLY LEARNS BY EXPERIENCE.
You have to bring your anxious body back into the situation and let the panic subside then and there. It won’t take long as long as you float through it, watch your breathing (breath in four counts, hold breath for four counts, exhale four counts, wait four counts, repeat), the panic WILL always subside and we CAN retrain our body to learn not to fear places like history class that are not life threatening in the least!
You must put your body into the areas you fear most. Your body must see for itself so to speak that it can survive.
I am no kidding about this… All the books in the world won’t convince your limbic brain that it’s okay to go to history class. Of course, the books help, but real-life exposure is the key to your freedom.
You are safe in this world exactly as you are at this very moment.
[...] I want to acknowledge HSP woman for linking this panic attack video on her blog. She has a very good post on her impressions of the video. You can read them here. [...]
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June 11, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Hmm, for me the grabbing/touching would make things a lot worse. Ditto on the paper bag, never helped a bit.
The most important thing to me when I first had panic attacks as a teen would have been not to have them dismissed or seen as a hostile act and for people not to walk away from me in the middle of one in disgust. So I don’t ask anyone to help me with a panic attack now that I’m much older. I may call a friend to talk without saying I’m having a panic attack or even call my therapist, but I rarely seek out help from other people. What a concept in fact, other people being helpful during an anxiety attack… I may need to rethink my approach…..