Benzo Free, at last!
Posted by: HSP Woman on: August 16, 2007
16 Responses to "Benzo Free, at last!"
August 18, 2007 at 6:44 am
Wow!! Congratulations!! Is it not the case that you are now, not only benzo free, but drug free???!!!
What an inspiration you are to me.
August 18, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Dear Keener and Gianna,
Thank you so much for your congratulations. Yes, I am psychotropic medication-free!
I wish I could really tell you how much I appreciate both your congratulations! Over here, it’s been a bit anti-climatic.
I mean, I didn’t and I did want to make a big deal about DAY ONE of psychotropic-free. I feel so proud, but, at the same time, I feel unsure that I can remain psychotropic-free. Does this make sense? It’s like if I made too big deal of it, I’d get grief if I had to go on them again. Of course, one side of me knows I do not function better with them, but still…
I know it’s a great accomplishment, but still part of me is not so confident.
Unfortunately, when one stops tapering, not all problems disappear. A lot do go away (especially adverse effects from the meds themselves), but I still need to find more constructive methods to deal with the agoraphobia and panic.
Reaching for a pill is not an option now, so I am in uncharted territory.
August 18, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Reaching for a pill is not an option now
You made that commitment a long time ago. You have been withdrawing, but not reaching for a pill—well you’ve been living with that for a while. Your pill popping for the last many months has only been to keep withdrawals in control it has not been for symptom control.
I stopped taking PRN’s a year ago (almost to the day). Reaching for a pill has not been an option for me either. And it’s been amazingly easy to not take those PRN’s even while decreasing all my meds.
Just think of not taking a drug as not taking a PRN each time you have a symptom. Not taking a PRN is easier than “never taking psychotropic drugs again.”
I guess the good old AA adage is applicable here. One day at a time. You’ve already been doing it!
August 18, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Yes, Gianna, you are absolutely right when you remind me I made the commitment long ago not to reach for a pill for instant symptom relief. Thanks for refreshing my memory!
If I look at it this way, it seems much less daunting. You’re awesome. You really do get me 
A big “Brava!” to you on your anniversary of not reaching for those PRN (or otherwise) pills for relief. That’s a big accomplishment!
And, yes. It’s one day — one symptom — at a time now. Good point.
Thanks for the support. I’ve really been needing some.
August 18, 2007 at 6:17 pm
i tried to comment to this earlier but i wasn’t able to access wordpress:
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! well done!
I feel so proud, but, at the same time, I feel unsure that I can remain psychotropic-free. Does this make sense? It’s like if I made too big deal of it, I’d get grief if I had to go on them again. Of course, one side of me knows I do not function better with them, but still…
i may be a lone voice here, but i don’t see the question of taking drugs in purist terms, as if it were a vow or something. you didn’t stop taking the drugs because of some puritanical feelings about drugs, but because they weren’t helping. if you sometime feel like reaching for one again, do. you will see for yourself if it helps or not. if it still doesn’t, you are no worse off. it if does, you can take one once in a while without becoming addicted again. no biggie, no?
also, i KNOW (i’ve been there) the psychological (and physical) toll of being completely off this very pesky drug. it is unrealistic to expect a great cathartic triumph at this time. give it a few days. take it easy. rest. eat fatty food. eat ice cream out of the carton. watch stupid movies. YOU ARE ON HOLIDAY!!!!!
remember that YOU ARE NOT IN UNCHARTED TERRITORY. you are in the selfsame territory you have learned to navigate in the last year or so (since you started the withdrawal), except now the withdrawal symptoms will become more and more tenuous until they’ll completely disappear. in this sense you may indeed be in uncharted territory: that for the first time in a long, long time you will not be withdrawing from the shitty drugs. it’s far from uncharted, though. many other live in peacefully and serenely in it.
it will be pretty damn wonderful pretty damn soon.
you are doing great. don’t get discouraged. this is small change compared to what you’ve conquered.
(there is a light at the end of the agoraphobia, panic tunnel. i’m sure of that, HSP. keep the faith. if you can’t, i’ll keep it for you).
please don’t feel like you are alone. you are not. i, at the very least, am there with you.
August 18, 2007 at 6:37 pm
what’s that picture, anyway? it’s small and i can’t quite make it out. did you make it????
August 18, 2007 at 6:42 pm
AMA,
So right on about my reasons behind getting off the psychotropics. I must remember your words when I start to doubt, when I find myself consumed with “forever.”
Like both you and Gianna wrote, it’s not really uncharted territory. But, something has changed… I cannot explain it exactly. I really wanted a real catharsis.
Instead, what happened was this:
(Husband and I standing near the kitchen sink. He with one hand on my shoulder, me with a glass with 2.0 ml of drug water).
Me: Okay, this is it!
Husband: Good for you!
Me: (gulping drug water)
Well, hmm… Okay. I made it! Want to watch a DVD?
Husband: Sure.
I guess life goes on.
But, like you mentioned, I’ll go easy on myself. Thanks for keeping the faith for me when I can’t.
I really am grateful for your inspiration, AMA.
August 19, 2007 at 12:42 pm
AMA,
Why it’s a dancing benzo-free woman in blue!
I found it on Google Images, under “Celebration.”
Sorry it’s too small! I fell in love with it!
dance, dance, dance around the victory lap!
August 19, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Hi Stef,
Nice to see you again! Thanks for the cheer. 
The book (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders) is coming along great. It’s very profound, in my opinion. I think I am really onto something that will help me continue (start) to live my life fully despite feeling “panicky.”
August 20, 2007 at 12:22 am
Wow! Congrats! Way to go! Yehaww!
Okay, there’s a ton of other ways I could say “Way to go!” but I’ll not clutter things up to much.
I think you have shown a lot of courage and resolve – amazing. I’m impressed and so happy for you. You should be proud of yourself… you deserve all the credit that is due to you.
A&A
August 20, 2007 at 12:41 am
Thanks so much, A&A!
I do feel courageous! Thanks for being here.
December 5, 2007 at 3:31 am
Hi,
I just found your blog so this comment is a bit late but I just wanted to say CONGRATULATION! I am now off clonazepam and feel better than I have in years! Kudos to you and all the best, Hannah
Good evening, Hannah
Thank you so much.
Yes, as you know, it can be done. Please, everyone, check out Hannah’s blog for more benzo support!
May 2, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Hello HSP Woman and congrads!
I wrote a long messy posting after being on the net for hours and am gonna eat after this so this is gonna be quick too :O).
OK:
Not a good thing to do when your tappering although I’m not having any withdraw feelings yet. I forgot to put on my post here that i was up to 6-9mgs of Zanex when i was with my X of 4 years and when he left 9 months ago i got back to 3mgs and 25 pounds lighter. 2 months ago i got it down to 2mgs and got some withdraws. I went back up a bit from 1/3/4 back to 2mgs 8 days ago and am just with slight withdraws at certain times of the day. I keep a tight schedule in order to keep myself in constant calm as this helps me big time. Anyway, i just wanted to know how you do as time goes by. It’s very important to “replace” the bad with the good. I mean, new things positive and to confront old fears so that they are no longer fears that need a benzo (which you may have needed the meds for in the first place) As we do more of the positive “replacements” after NO more meds and time goes by, we then have NO withdraws and NO protracted withdraw syndrome. I have at least a few months ahead of me, but now knowing that it was my doctor who gave me the benzos over 25 years ago for coming off of coke and that it has always been “the benzos” that caused the “chronic insomnia”, mania, bipolar,etc…Ummm, i mean, they gave me so many different diagnosis that they didn’t even know what the hell they were talking about. People should be very careful about giving all their trust and power to doctors. Read up before you take anything. The Pharm companies and Doctors are all about the $$$ and don’t care about 1000s of people who are hooked on this crap. One day your just having fun or take a pill for a back pain and the next time your doc is pushing some drug on you telling you you have some made up problem that you need a Benzo for. Of course, that’s what pays for their big homes, VaCas, etc.
Stay course and continue to be an inspiration to others. After reading many sites i have to say your blogg really hit home for me. Just having the confirmation that the benzos were the withdraw that was happening to me for years and i was better when i went back on them (tappered a few times years ago) yet numb, tired, racy when i went back on them. I just couldn’t figure out why? I thought the coke from the 80s screwed my head up permanetly. But it was always the withdrwaws. Now, years later with a vegan diet, exercise, meditation, etc i have only slight withdraws only am down to 2 mgs. I was on “many” (another story) other meds too and none now, just 2 mgs of Zanex and 200mgs of neurontin for sleep (easy to get off of) I even have a sex drive again, not to mention feelings and memories that were buried that pop up here and there.
I say we go on Oparah and expose the industry! ;O)
Kino
June 29, 2008 at 10:35 am
Congrats!! I am on the same journey! I will be done tapering in one week. I feel like i could just quit now, but Dr. said my brain has been on these for 15 years and needs to adapt slowly. I am open to any tips you may have acquired during your process.
Good Days Ahead
Steve
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August 18, 2007 at 3:15 am
Browsing about this morning it is real nice to read some good news.
Hooray – congratulations! Like you say ‘you are a winner’!
As some one who is coming of a state prescribed mind-bending substance, I look forward to reading more about how it feels to be free.
Keener
Ps it goes without saying – hope the last of the withdrawals aren’t too fierce