About
Sometimes the medical approach to mental health issues can be a lifesaver, and sometimes it just makes things worse.
I have anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, depression, and I am a highly sensitive person. I’ve been on over 25 medications and have seen nearly a dozen psychiatrists and psychologists. None of the medications relieved my symptoms. In fact, I believe my dependence on benzodiazepines has actually made my anxiety and depression worse. Please read this post and this page for more details.
Eighteen years after my first major panic attack, I am only now starting to feel confident that I can heal completely.
This is my story.
44 Responses to "About"
July 5, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Hi there!
I just noticed today that you had visited my blog. Thank you very much for your comments.
I would be very interested in your husband’s story – I don’t know any other husbands who are having a similar experience to mine. I know other married lady agoraphobics, but their husbands don’t seem to be very supportive…or worse, leave them…
I’ll visit you again very soon to read your posts – don’t have time at the moment. Speak to you soon -
Robert
July 5, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Welcome, Gianna and Robert! I love both of your blogs. It’s a honor to meet you.
July 6, 2007 at 1:33 am
Hi there. Thanks for your comments on my blog (we have a lot in common!!). I am also an HSP but unlike you, the book actually made me feel different and not normal! I suppose it did reassure me because I had always noticed that I was more sensitive than most people around me, but it also made me feel that non-sensitive people may be better off.
I did get a lot of positive information from the book and now I listen to myself more and take my instincts seriously. But at the same time, I am trying not to label myself anymore because it just makes me feel different. I am trying to figure out what makes me happy because that’s what really matters. I wish you all the very best with your recovery and look forward to reading more.
July 6, 2007 at 1:43 am
I love your name — lazyhousewife, very witty!
Thanks for stopping by. It’s interesting that Aron’s book made you feel “different.” All of the pdocs I saw made me feel different and broken; Elaine Aron’s perspective gave me some hope. But, like you, the greatest take away message was how to listen to myself — my needs — better. And, it also seems we have the same goal of doing what makes us happy.
I was inspired by your blog to also undertake a “100 Things” page. It’s a great idea! Imitation is the best form of flattery!
It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I wasn’t sure what I should share and what doesn’t belong anywhere in cyberspace.
In the end, I agree that it’s a great way for blog friends to get to know us better. Thanks again for the idea!
And thanks for stopping by!
PS: If you’d like to read Lazyhousewife’s great blog, here is the URL:
http://lazyhousewife.wordpress.com
July 6, 2007 at 1:54 am
Lazyhousewife by name, lazyhousewife by nature!! Yes ’100 Things’ is a great idea and I would be flattered… but I stole it from someone else too! 
It took me AGES to find 100 things to write about myself. (And there’s nothing that doesn’t belong in cyberspace.)
Thanks so much for linking to me. I’ll do the same for you.
July 6, 2007 at 2:01 am
What is the expression…? “Boring women have immaculate homes” or something like that? 
My mother used to say this to me when I was growing up.
July 14, 2007 at 8:47 am
Hi HSP woman,
I’m about to buy my stuff for a water titration. Can you tell me if a little automatic mixer is actually necessary?
I’ve found a mortar and pestel and a good beaker to buy –but I don’t even know what the mixer that is talked about on the benzo boards is.
It seems if you crush up the benzo well enough and just stir it around real good in a beaker to spread out the particles then take the syringe and take out a ml or whatever that should work…am I right?
You can send your response in email if you like. thanks.
July 14, 2007 at 8:52 am
actually i just found out the beaker is too big. I need something small. where did you get your supplies?
sorry for the repeated comments and questions.
thanks.
July 15, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Whoo Gianna! I’m excited for you 
I use a hand held mixer. It comes with its own container with milliliter graduations. I do think some kind of “agitation” is necessary in order to suspend the benzo powder; it’s not water soluble. I’m pretty confident a vigorous shaking would do the trick. Others may disagree, but I think it’d be fine.
I got a syringe from Walgreens (10 ml), so I just measured out 50 ml water with that and then marked the container. This way an expensive beaker isn’t necessary.
Please, ask me anything you’d like as many times as you’d like. I am so happy for you. I can promise you it will get much worse, but then you absolutely will feel more energy and less anxiety after a few months.
The water titration is a real commitment mostly (I believe) because people get sicker before feeling better.
Now, I am into week two of my last 2.0 mg of Valium. These final milligrams are much, much easier than the previous two milligrams.
I’m still having some tight chest, grumpiness, weakness, and insomnia, but it’s to a much lower degree than ever before.
When you start to feel worse, and you start to doubt, please email me. I will be here to reassure you that it’s completely normal and par for the course to feel as crappy as you will. I promise: it does get better!! The lower you go on the Klonopin, the more your brain will fight for you to stay on it. Have confidence that the pain will get better.
I am so proud of you.
July 16, 2007 at 7:03 am
Ah HSP Woman,
I know it was not at all your intention, so don’t feel bad, but you scared me.
I’m so afraid of feeling worse. My fatigue is already soo bad from withdrawing from all the rest. (and I’m not done with all the rest either–I still have 1 1/4 mg of Risperdal and 200 mg Lamictal)
I’m actually thinking of taking a month or two to get off the 1/4 mg of Risperdal first now, because otherwise I have to buy two doses of Risperdal which gets very expensive.
But the idea behind going off the Klonopin was in the hope that it was the most sedating drug I was on and it would help with my sedation and fatigue–what do you think?
Oh my–well in any case I will be coming of the Klonopin withing 2 weeks to 2 months. I really am leaning towards going off the 1/4 mg Risperdal first now. I just can’t afford to buy two strengths.
ahh…this is a seemingly neverending story!
July 16, 2007 at 11:24 am
Taper off whatever is giving you the most side effects. Klonopin gave me horrible side effects: mood swings, panic attacks, mental “fog”, etc… It’s very hard to taper, water method or not. For me, at least. Remember that everyone responds to benzo withdrawal differently. The water taper is the least painful.
Since my primary diagnosis is Panic Disorder, getting through the withdrawal is even more of a challenge because one side effect of withdrawal can be increased panic attacks.
Those with a lot of experience say that while tapering, the symptoms one had before tapering (or even while on the drug), those symptoms will be the ones that “flare up” during withdrawal. For me, it has been the increased anxiety (now much better), lethargy, insomnia, and some dizziness.
But, as I said, I am at 1.48 mg of Valium now, and I’ve felt like a new woman for the past few days. It’s like I turned a corner. I am still having very vivid nightmares, but I still feel a 1000 times better than I did while still on the benzos.
If I am even partially right when I agree with the others and say your extreme tiredness is due to the Klonopin (in part), then it makes sense to tackle it head on. Get off the medication that’s causing you the greatest number of adverse effects. On the other hand, I can see your point of wanting to taper off another drug first.
You’re right, Gianna, I didn’t mean to scare you! Sorry. I just wish I had been told that it gets harder before it gets easier. I was thrown for a loop when I started having more panicky feelings. I started to doubt that I could even get off the benzos in the first place. Maybe I was what many pdocs told me: a person who would be dependent on anxiolytics forever.
Well, I pushed through. Now, most days, I see the woman I always knew I was. A stronger, more energetic, less anxious person.
The best thing I ever did was start tapering off of benzodiazepines! I hope my experience can give you hope and courage to go ahead! Really, 6 months after you get off of Klonopin (whether you do it now or later), let me know how you feel. I would bet money you feel better.
July 17, 2007 at 4:01 am
my two cents’ worth, gianna, but klonopin withdrawal doesn’t have to be the very pits of hell. for some people it’s easier, for some it’s more difficult. until i crashed (see further down), i really didn’t have a very hard time doing it. in fact, some insomnia and some mild OCD symptom (i don’t generally feel OC) was just about the whole of it. i got all the way down to 0 mg on dry cuts! then i had a humungous panic attack, but, you know, as a look back on it, i realize that many other factors contributed — i became anxious to finish, so i went from 2 mg to 1 mg to 0 mg in two weeks; at the same time, i went on a diet (bad mistake); my husband was going out of town and i was terribly worried about being alone; and it was the very pesky christmas season, which sucks at the best of times.
when i had the gigantic panic attack that constituted my “crash” i went back to 6 mg of valium, where i am now. but, as i said, it wasn’t that bad, and i expect it won’t be bad when i redo the last 6 mg again. hey, you can always expect the worse and be pleasantly surprised if it goes better: but, also, remember to keep upbeat and hopeful, and in full knowledge, as HSP woman says, that any withdrawal symptom won’t last very long at all, and that you are your own boss. you can go slower or faster as you wish.
just thought i’d share my experience here.
July 17, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Thanks, AMA, you’re so right. Not everyone has a hard time titrating off of benzos. That’s important for everyone to remember.
I just wish when my pdoc told me to go down 0.5 mg every three days, I had known that I may have some withdrawal effects. Geez. I just thought my increased agitation was proof I needed the drug for life!
When you say you just had some mild OCD symptoms and some insomnia, I wonder, too, if your definition of “mild” would be “intense” for me (being a HSP). Maybe it’s the 20% of the population who are HSPs who benefit the most from a slow water taper versus a normal paced dry cut.
Hmm… Gianna on her blog had an interesting discussion about how taking many psychotropic meds for an extended period of time may be the cause of “high sensitivity” for many people.
Nevertheless, you are so lucky you have experience with few side effects from benzos, and a relatively easy tapering! But, now that I think about it, have you ever considered that your 15 years of Klonopin may correlate with your fatigue? Just a thought… Or maybe your benzo use exacerbated your fatigue?
I like your advice to Gianna to expect the worst and (hopefully) be pleasantly surprised. That’s actually what’s happening with me this time. I was prepared to be nearly bed-ridden! Seriously, I am bracing myself because it seems the storm hasn’t hit this time.
So, you’re right, it’s not always terrible!
Thanks for your insight, AMA!
August 28, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I forgot to mention, agoraphobia, panic anxiety, PTSD etc are not mental illnesses, they are disorders. Just thought it was important to say that.
August 28, 2007 at 11:43 pm
ItsRhetorical,
You are so right! I agree
Hence, the blog lead in — “A New Perspective…”! Too, too many doctors try to pathologize the human experience. Why the need to medicate perfectly natural experiences?
Thanks for bringing this point up!
September 24, 2007 at 11:50 am
Thank you for your blog. I’ve had some ongoing “issues” (physical health, allergy, mental health, relationship, etc.) for a number of years, now, and knew–somehow–they must be interrelated, but could never get doctors to listen to the big picture. I’ve skimmed several of your entries, and some of your descriptions could so easily be me.
After one too many times of “let’s try a different medication” “let’s try a higher dose” (hello, I’m supersensitive to these chemicals and the higher dose made me sick last time) and “make another appointment,” (which stressed me out and I couldn’t afford–just what an anxiety prone person needs!) I took myself off of antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication.
Thank you especially for the link to Elaine Aron’s website and books. I scored a whopping 24 out of 26. Perhaps armed with knowledge, I can find an open-minded doctor who will listen to me and work with me for the parts of me that need treatment.
While all has NOT been smooth sailing (in fact, I’m at wit’s end…again), I know I’m not the only one. Perhaps there is hope to really feel like “me” again.
September 24, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Welcome, Kurmudgeon Kat
I can so relate to your experience! Elaine Aron’s work is amazing and liberating. Acknowledging my HSP-ness has saved my life, I am convinced.
Working with Jenna over the phone (a life coach — her link is in my side bar) also has saved my life, being that she is an HSP herself! She did more for me than any of the many psychologists or psychiatrists I’ve seen over the last 19 years.
Just a couple of days ago I ran across a Yahoo group that may interest you:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/hspbook
It’s a group of HSPs ONLY who are reading or have read Elaine Aron’s work. I’ve only just joined it, but it seems to be a great place to get support from other HSPs.
And, for sure, you are not the only HSP. I am one
Up to 20% of any population is highly sensitive. That’s a lot of us! We can find support and compassion when we connect with like-minded people.
I’m really glad you left a comment. I like to meet other HSPs. For too many years I was just labeled “mentally ill.”
I recommend really diving deep into Elaine Aron’s web site, especially her Comfort Zone articles. Also, the HSP books are great.
Good luck! Keep me posted!
October 17, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Sweet AMA & Lovely Gianna,
How kind of you both to check in on me!
I am doing so well off of all the psychotropics. And, today is my nine week anniversary of benzo freedom!
I’ve never felt better.
I was thinking about whether or not to continue blogging. Of course, I am reading everyone’s blog daily, but posting for me has been a little difficult.
But, I decided tonight I’d post updates on my progress, but that’s about it for now. I want people to know, life does get better after benzos!
Thanks you two. I really appreciate your support, as always. And, just because I don’t post regularly, please remember I am here daily, reading all your posts and happily following the conversations.
Sweet dreams!
October 17, 2007 at 8:12 pm
so good to hear you’re doing good off all the psychotropics. I appreciate that kind of inspiration right now—being that it’s very bumpy for me right now off the neuroleptics just a little over a week.
please do stay in touch!! and let us know how you get on!
Absolutely, Gianna! I will keep in close proximity! I am never too far. You can count on that.
And, just to emphasize, you can do it!
As you wrote recently, certain things have started changing for you already!
I personally cannot believe how easy it is for me to fall asleep. I seriously forget about “needing something” to sleep now.
It’s wonderful to be drug-free!!
December 28, 2007 at 6:07 pm
I’ve just discovered your blog. You appear really intelligent with a good take on yourself and experiences.
I’m struggling with a low level depression, actually I think it’s anxiety related. My therapist of eight years moved to Europe a few years ago and I had other losses and am still struggling.
I find that I feel really normal and clear on Klonopin but, I’ve gone off of it because I simply don’t want to be on medication. Especially one that needs increasing after a few years.
My question: What finally worked for you? Can you tell me or direct me to that entry? I’m tired of being a basically happy person who doesn’t feel good.
Weird, huh?
Thanks so much,
Rob
Welcome, Rob
Despite revealing that you have depression and anxiety, I must say that you write with a real sense of calm. It’s just a feeling I get — you seem really grounded. That’s wonderful!
That being said, still I am sorry you are suffering. As you know, being anxious chronically is a common cause of “anxious depression.” I think they call it secondary depression because it’s not endogenous. Our depression is a result of chronic stress of our CNS. It’s normal in a sense. Still painful, but normal for people with an anxiety challenge.
I’m sure your therapist’s leaving hasn’t helped. I suffer a lot when I lose a therapist, too. I seem to have a moment of panic when I think about me just helping me. But, I always seem to work it out either by finding some strength inside myself or by finding a new therapist. Too bad therapists (good ones) are so hard to find. I just went through three different ones before I found my current one. Still now, I am not sure she’s a good fit.
I am curious as to the “normal and clear” feelings you have while on Klonopin. That’s good, isn’t it? I had to quit benzos because I still felt panicky and depressed while taking them. I do understand the tremendous desire to get off medications though. Did you go cold-turkey? Even if you tapered off more slowly than cold-turkey, some of your depression could be exacerbated by the withdrawal. Just a thought.
Also, I just remembered reading a lot about the “benzo blues” in the benzo withdrawal support group (link in my side bar). It seems chronic use of benzos can also induce depression just as a consequence of the drug itself.
Regarding what worked for me? Well, the very best thing I ever did for my anxiety and depression was to taper off the medication. Today, I am about 5 months off. Also, the telephone sessions with my life coach, Jenna Avery, were instrumental in my healing (her link is also in my side bar). She had so many thought-provoking exercises for me to do. I really learned that my sensitivity was something that doesn’t require labeling as “mentally ill.” It doesn’t require medication. My HSP being-ness requires self-care, love, and acceptance.
The more and more I accept my HSP nature, the less and less I feel anxious and depressed.
As you know, most people who suffer from high anxiety are super sensitive people! Men and women alike.
You are very special, Rob. Thanks for commenting. I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond.
January 20, 2008 at 9:58 am
Hey HSP Woman,
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I have been reading yours for a few days now and find a lot of similarities between us. I look forward to getting to know you better.
annie
Welcome, Annie
I often think about just how lonely the fear of panic is… I’ll watch TV, looking at the characters of a show and say, “Look how much life he, she, it has AND they don’t even know it. They don’t appreciate it!”
What I’d give to be able to freely move about in a comfortable manner!
People tell me, “Yeah, but these people have problems, too.” I try to imagine their problems — bad marriages, terrible jobs, whatever — and I secretly wish I had ANYTHING but agoraphobia.
The expression, “I’d give my left arm for X” is true for me to some extent.
I’m glad you stopped by. I really hope we can be of some comfort to each other.
January 25, 2008 at 3:03 am
I have been on Clonazepam for about 4 years now. I’ve been on 3 mgs. for around a year or a little more. I really want to taper off of this #@@#, but can’t find a doctor who will help me. Also, I’m agoraphobic. That’s not all. Insomnia, nervousness, weak, tired, and practically bed ridden minus a few chores that I do around the house. Can anyone be of help to me on this sight? You’re welcome to e-mail me. Missingmco@yahoo.com. This staying up all night is really taking it’s toll on me. Buy the way, I do get some broken up sleep during the day and toward the evening, not too healthy huh? Being able to talk ( or chat ) to someone in the morning hours ( East Coast ) would be alot of help. I’m sure the Clonazepam has made me this way, and I too am a sensitive person. Love to all of you, Guy.
Welcome, Guy
Yeah, you are on the same dose as I was — 3.0 mg Klonopin.
The very first thing I suggest you do is join the Benzo Withdrawal Support Group on Yahoo.
The people there are super knowledgeable and very supportive. I’d bet you could find someone to communicate with at all hours of the day and night.
Were you prescribed benzos for anxiety initially? I was, but while on them my anxiety, panic, agoraphobia, weakness, and overall ill health became much worse.
Slowly tapering off the Klonopin is a wonderful idea. Klonopin is longer acting than the Xanax, but still is not as long-acting as Valium. You may want to consider first crossing over to an equivalent dose of Valium (with doctor’s supervision).
Have you read the Ashton Manual? This is the second thing I suggest you do, after you join the Benzo Withdrawal Support Group.
Dr. Ashton has done decades of research about benzos and how the negatively affect people who take them chronically.
Broken up sleep is a hallmark of chronic benzo use, by the way. Benzodiazepines inhibit refreshing sleep. And, lots of things happen — as you know — when one doesn’t sleep! Imagine, I was on benzos for 18 years. So, don’t worry, as you get off these meds, your body with start repairing itself, I promise.
I think it’s great that you are considering tapering off Klonopin (clonazepam). It can be a convenient med for very temporary relief, but for anything over two weeks, it’s negative effects definitely outweigh the positive ones.
You will find a doctor; it may take some energy (which I know is hard to come by when taking benzos), but you will find one. Don’t panic.
Join the Benzo Withdrawal Group, and read the Ashton Manual cover to cover.
Finally, be kind to yourself. It’s not your fault you are having a hard time. You were prescribed these meds by a doctor who should know better than to keep anyone on these meds more than a few weeks.
Guy, you are not alone. I was amazed with how many people are in the same situation as we are.
Give yourself a hug, and remember to breathe as you start this new adventure to get off these horrible meds.
You can do it. And, you will thank yourself for doing it. Just take it step-by-step!
January 26, 2008 at 9:07 am
Hello, I got your letter and thank you very much. I was approved by the benzo withdrawl group – VERY HAPPY!! I’m not sure how to get to the group though, DUH, must be my forgetfulness. Could you explain how so I can chat anytime day or night? Thanks- Guy
Welcome back, Guy
To get to the Benzo Withdrawal Support Group click here.
You can bookmark this page in your internet browser so you can find it again easily.
Once you sign in, on the left there’s an area that says “Home, Messages, Post…” If you click on Messages, you can read all the posts people are writing. And, if you wish to ask a question or tell your story, just click on POST. It’ll take a while (at first) for your messages to be approved, but when they’re approved, people will answer them.
There is no chat room, per se, but I am sure many people will care and quickly respond to your messages.
If it’s a real time chat you want, I found another web site that’s given an agoraphobic friend of mine a lot of comfort.
It’s called NO MORE PANIC, with message board and chat room. You should try it out. I hear it’s wonderful. But remember, the site is in the UK, so there’s a time difference
I’m really happy for you that you’ve joined the Benzo Withdrawal group. Please read as many messages as possible. Lots of great information.
Also, check out the FILES section. Lots of good hints about water titration and finding a benzo-wise doctor.
January 26, 2008 at 9:21 am
Sorry, I forgot to mention that I was put on benzos because of 3 deaths in my family within a 12 month period. The worse one was that my son was killed in a car accident while riding with his drunken friends. The driver was also killed. This was Christmas eve morning 2004. I had a sister die of some kind of female cancer, and a half brother die from a heart attack. God that was hard to print out. I’m in tears now. I was dealing with this much better on a lower dose of clonazepam. Make any sense? By the way, who welcomed me to this blog and talked to me? I’d like to say thanks. Guy
Dear Guy,
I am so sorry for your very great loss. I can’t imagine the pain of missing three family members. I send you a hug.
If there is a bright side to your situation it’s that you were not prescribed benzos for anxiety attacks. Your panic attacks and agoraphobia are mostly the result of the meds (in my opinion and experience). Chronic benzo use causes increased anxiety.
I’ve read that if one develops panic while on the benzos, getting off the benzos will get rid of the panic. Since I had panic before starting benzos, we’ll it’s been hard for me to stop having panic attacks. BUT, I feel so much better off the meds, even though I still have panic attacks sometimes.
It’s me who welcomed you to this blog. Only me here. I’m HSP Woman.
Glad to have you back.
January 27, 2008 at 11:22 am
Hello again. I have a question about the benzo support group. Is joining it what caused my many e-mails from people talking to other people about their problems? I’m getting more than 50 e-mails a day. If that is the problem, I’d like to quit the support group because sometimes you get to reading about your and other peoples problems gets to you. When I get better ( I hope), I could handle this alot better, but for now it’s too much for me. At times we all would like to forget our problems, but all of the e-mails are too much for now. You know the syndrome, you read about it, you get it. That’s how I am right now. I REALLY don’t want to offend you or any members, I feel for all of you and wish everyone the best. I hope you understand me.If it’s ok with you I’d like to keep talking with you on your blog for now when I have a problem, it’s much easier on me. Sorry but the last day or two have been hard on me. Plus I can’t find a Dr. in my area ( 20 miles north of Pgh. Pa. ) who will even give the ashton method a chance. Very frustrating!! Plus since I haven’t raised my doseage in well over a year my mind and body are really giving me hell. Thx, Guy
Oh no, Guy!
I’d be insane if I got individual emails from the Benzo Group!
You should go back to the group and edit your membership to a “Daily Digest” of emails, NOT individual emails.
That way, you’ll get only one or two emails a day from the group, organized by subject so you can pick and choose the ones you want to read and/or respond to.
This group is wonderful for people who are tapering off of benzos, or for those people for whom taking benzos has adversely affected.
When I feel overwhelmed I just don’t read the daily digest emails. It’s simple. You can have the group there when you have a question and not when you’re overstimulated and too stressed out to deal. I totally understand you.
Have you checked the group’s files for benzo-wise MDs in your area? I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in the group knew of a doctor in your area that could help.
Maybe you should post a question about that? Ask if anyone knows of a benzo-wise doctor in Pittsburgh.
And, by no means are you offending me! Or the group. In fact, they HIGHLY suggest to NOT get individual emails. They suggest to you when you join to get the once-a-day, twice-a-day email digest.
I am not affiliated with this group, other than joining myself, so I have no power to change your membership.
It’s just a group I found when I was struggling to get off benzos. The group helped me know for sure I wasn’t crazy for feeling so badly. It wasn’t my fault.
Many, many people have trouble taking benzos chronically. Everything seems to get worse when taking them.
I hope you find peace soon, Guy. You deserve it. Be well.
January 28, 2008 at 2:29 am
HI HSP Woman, I looked at the sight, but don’t know how to edit HELP……LOL!! Thanks, Guy
Okay, sure
Go to the site, sign in.
At almost the top of the page — just above the blue box saying “Benzo Benzodiazepine(benzo) Withdrawal Support” there is the “edit membership” button.
Click on that and go to Step Two. Change the preference to “Daily Digest.” Click on the circle next to Daily Digest and the Individual emails should stop.
But, be sure to first “Save Changes” at the bottom of this page.
It may take a while to register after you do this.
If you are still having problems, I suggest posting to the Group Moderators. They can help you for from their side.
Good luck!
January 28, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Hey HSP Woman,
I haven’t heard from you or your blog in a while and I was wondering how you’re doing and if you’re ok. I hope all is well!
Cheers,
annie
Hi Annie
Thanks for asking about me! I appreciate the concern. I’ve been reading all your posts. I am very proud of you and your latest adventure to your favorite restaurant!
Way to go.
I haven’t been blogging, although I read and respond to any comments left here. I check in every day, but I have been too tired to write. Or too confused. I am feeling better over all since stopping the medications, but I am still dealing with the agoraphobia big time.
I am a little depressed that I feel so much better physically, but I am still unable to go anywhere I want anytime.
I am talking to a therapist weekly — that helps. But, still. I am so tired of worrying about panic attacks.
But, thanks for checking in. You made my afternoon!
January 29, 2008 at 3:09 am
good morning HSP Woman,
It’s about 5:05 a.m. my time. I just got done deleating 76 more e-mails, then followed your instructions. Hope it works! What state are you from? I noticed a 2 hour time difference between when I post, and what time it shows that I posted. Must be somewhere west of Pa.. Any how, thank you kindly for your help, Guy
Good evening, Guy
Did the change work for you? I hope so.
I am out on the west coast — California.
And, I am more than happy to share my experiences with you. Taking chronic benzos isn’t always easy! Let me know if you have any more questions.
Thanks!
January 31, 2008 at 10:45 am
Hi HSP Woman, Got a couple of questions for you since I can’t seem to get into the group for some reason. If you stay on the same dose (3mgs.) for over a year and refuse to raise the dosage, can you become even more tired, and feel a little sicker? And the way you told me to fix the e-mail prob. with the support group worked perfectly, thank you! Remember though in case it matters, that I started using Clon. around 4 years ago at a much lower dose, and slowly was taken up to 3 mgs.. Feeling VERY tired, and feel weak and a bit sick. One more thing (sorry), I have agoraphobia too, with a fear of Drs. and hospitals along with it. I hope that since your taper is basically over that you can fight your agoraphobia IN BABY STEPS- that’s VERY important. ALL orf my best to you, Guy
Hi Guy,
The group is the best place to seek help and reassurance. They as a group know a lot more than I.
But, from my experience, benzos can ABSOLUTELY cause lethargy and depression (and overall feelings of being ill).
You are just like me, too, in that I am also phobic of doctors and all things medical. “Medical” triggers are my strongest for inducing panic.
The protracted withdrawal symptoms from tapering from benzos can be expected to last anywhere from 6-18 months after stopping. I’m about 5.5 months benzo-free. I can definitely see the difference in my well-being. A major improvement, even though I still have agoraphobia.
Benzos just weren’t the drug for me…
February 13, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Hello HSP Woman, ( once again!! ) I’d like to ask you a question since you were on 3 mgs. of clonazepam too.
Did the clon., or the taper make you a chronic worrier? I seem to worry WAY too much most of the time. Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading into what COULD happen to people trying to taper?
Maybe I should get a check up to ease my mind because of the pain I’ve been having. ( Abdominal, intestinal, and the usual with everyone, extreme tiredness, and feeling weak ) But I’d make Col. Sanders proud of how big of a CHICKEN I am. LOL!!
I worry Way too much about almost everything.
By the way, I started to taper without the help of any other drugs 10 days ago. I’m trying!!
Hope you have some educated guesses for me because the Benzo. group only tried to help me one time out of two questions I’ve asked them.
I hope you’re doing well,
Guy
February 15, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Hi there, Guy
I have been a chronic worrier since I was 5 years old. The problem is that I never learned to deal with my “What If” thinking early on.
Hence, I believe, I was more prone to develop a dis-ordered anxiety problem.
Second, while taking numerous different psychotropics — including clonazepam (Klonopin) — my worrying did get worse.
Did the meds intensify my worrying? Almost certainly because I had an increase in anxiety due to physical tolerance/dependence on the meds.
Perhaps someone without a prior tendency to worry would suffer a little less while taking benzos. Again, I am not sure. It’s just a theory.
The worry I experienced during taper was somewhat different. My greatest worry was that the withdrawal I was feeling wasn’t, in fact, withdrawal. At my worst, I imagined the increased anxiety during withdrawal was PROOF I needed benzos.
I am so glad I held tough and didn’t cave into taking chronic benzos again.
It really was just withdrawal.
I would highly recommend getting a physical though. Your doctor should be monitoring your withdrawal, if possible. (I guess your pdoc is helping you??)
Have you had your thyroid checked?
I wish you the most painless taper possible. Just remember, it does get better.
February 16, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Great to see you blogging again. My thoughts are with you always. Take care of yourself!
February 18, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Hello once more , HSP Woman
pdoc?, why would I need a urologist for….lol!!
If pdoc means a psychiatrist, or a psychologist I don’t have one. As far as my pcp goes, I just told him that I’m tapering off of this crap ( hopefully ) 1/4 of a pill at a time, once a month.
I take 1 tab. in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and 3/4 of a tab. at night.
That means I’m taking 2 and 3/4 mgs. a day now. Next, I’ll take 1/4 of a tab. off in the afternoon too. Then, in the morning.
All in all, It will take a year just like the Ashton manual says to do, but without the Valium.
My biggest problems now are the usual tiredness, and now my I.B.S., and acid reflux are kicking my @ss something terrible!
Any suggestions?
I’m going to just about have to drop over before I go to a DR..Not much trust in them. I just call him.
I’m a single father with two of my children, One 20 year old daughter, and one 9 year old daughter living with me. My twin brother and my one daughters boyfriend live with me too.
No one here gives any help or support though, that’s why I count on you for help, and support.
I hope that I’m going about this the right way.
By the way, my pharmacist was the one that told me how much to taper per month.
All my best to you,
Guy
February 21, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Hi Guy,
You’re funny! A Pee-doc! I never thought of it that way
Your taper schedule seems reasonable. 1/4 tablet every 4 weeks. Sounds good. Glad you read the Ashton Manual, too.
My suggestion for the IBS and acid reflux is to reduce your carbohydrate intake. Again, this is based on my experience and research only.
Unfortunately, I can’t tolerate a restricted-carb diet (too affected by a decrease in serotonin at this point), but I know while on a low-carb diet my IBS and acid reflux disappeared.
You can check out the book Protein Power for more information.
My husband is still eating low-carb, and he doesn’t take his acid reflux meds anymore. It’s worth checking out.
And, if you can’t do 40-50 g carbs/day, try cutting down at least. Most Americans eat about 300 g carbs/day! WAY too many.
I am glad you visit here and leave updates! Always nice to hear about your progress.
February 26, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Hi HSP Woman,
Just a friendly reminder that I’m still around. I think that my 1/4 mg. taper is a little too much for me right now.
When I start titration, I’m going to go the slow route. Anthea from the Benzo group is going to help me with a schedule.
For some reason I can’t seem to get into the sight that tells you about how to do it. I think it has something to do with my antique computer tower.
I’m not going to go back to my original dosage, I’m going to stick with tapering, even though it is hellish.
I have my semi decent days, and I have the bad ones when I get overly scared, or scare myself . ( it’s possible that I am ).
Maybe I should force someone to take me for a ride and I could stick my head out the window ( with someone video taping me ) and let the wind make my cheeks flap around and my tongue wiggle. That ought to make me laugh after watching it!!
Yea, I got that from watching Americas Funniest Videos watching the animal ones. But I AIN”T A DOG……LOL!!
NO, I’m not going to do it, just tryin’ to get a smile out of you. I’m not crazy, just DISORDERED!!….LOL!!
If I was myself I probably would do it for kicks!!
All of my best to you,
Guy
March 6, 2008 at 8:11 am
I ahve been through much of what you have been including the benzo nightmare – would love to compare notes
Rik
March 6, 2008 at 8:17 am
After reading your “100 Things” I should add, I am also in love with my wife, am 1/4 native American, have a degree in clinical psychology, am an HSP and I write dates on my jars
July 7, 2008 at 2:02 am
Welcome, Rik
Nice to hear from someone with a similar experience. The benzo nightmare is right!
I giggled, too, when I saw how much we have in common. But, I do think now that I am not 25% Cherokee after all. My genealogy passion has shed some light on family legends!
I will keep you posted!
Thanks for stopping by.
-HSP Woman
PS: I do apologize for the delayed response!
August 29, 2008 at 5:28 pm
hi hsp,
i was in shock when i read 100 things about you….we have ALOT in common…..and i am defo going to check out the author you mentioned…..
but my question to you is, “how was the trileptal taper.” you are the only person I know who has done one…..I did a 5 mg ativan c/t, (ouch) and am nearly done with my 2400 mg neurontin taper…..not painless but doable,,,,,next will be the trileptal and then the atenelol and lastly (if i am still alive, lol) the small amount of nortriptyline….
anyway, i am sooo happy to have found someone who has tapered trileptal and I enjoyed your blog…..especially the drain pipe poo! lol……I am still wondering what it was and I imagine the sesame seeds might have something to do with your birds, yes? anyway,,,,please email if you can and if not then leave the answer here and I will check back in….
take care of yourself and congratulations to you on your new found freedom from pharmaceutical bondage….
warm regards,
jay
ps,
I do believe that the benzo taper would have been much easier for you if you had tapered it before the trileptal…of course i was on enough to kill a horse, lolol….but the c/t was actually much easier then my failed valium taper…..now that was hell…..but valium was the only thing I was taking and I am sure now that I was in extreme tolerance and started at way too low of a dose……ick, ick, ick!
September 18, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Hi Jay,
You may be right about tapering the benzo before the other meds, like the Trileptal.
I just took the Trileptal taper very, very slowly. I remember, if I got symptoms, I’d just increase my benzos. Not sure if this was the smartest thing to do.
But, by far, the most difficult taper were the benzos. I tried to decrease my benzos so many times. I was unsuccessful until I was able to crossover to Valium.
Even that was a bitch!!!
Sorry, but it’s a sensitive memory, as I am sure you understand
Oh, the sesame seeds were for us to eat. I just had a bunch of them from various recipes I wanted to try and never did!
I wish you the very best. Thank you for stopping by! Please keep me updated on your taper.
-HSP Woman
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June 30, 2007 at 9:45 am
I just found this about page. I’ve taken 37 drugs and I guess you already know that I think they’ve made me worse too. I’m going to buy the book on HSP’s. I have complex issues in the mix–a childhood of abuse and early adulthood traumas which complicate the picture further, but essentially I totally relate to what I’ve read here so far. And since I haven’t read much of your archives, I imagine you have complexities that complicate your situation too–life is by nature complicated. Again…it’s so nice to have found you!